Friday fill ins

Okay 1st of all pupster and I are in a fight BUT really how cute is my dog

1. When I walk around my neighborhood I see THE LAKE, RAILROAD TRACKS, WOODS, PEOPLE AND DOGS

2. APPLESAUCE is my favorite thing to cook.

3. Life is CRAZY

4. My PUPSTER (when he's not an ass who steals my side of the bed aka last night) makes me feel all warm and fuzzy

5. WHO KNOWS? is my favorite Autumn vegetable.

6. SLEEP is better when it is UNINTERRUPTED

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to BILL BURR (please don't ask me who that is I have no idea)
tomorrow my plans include GIVING BRASS MONKEY BACK AND THE PET EXPO and Sunday, I want to SLEEP!!!!

50 questions 1 at a time question 13

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

This is a silly question - of course I would! And if you mean to literally save someone's life I'd break the law (assuming it isn't like murder or something) to save a stranger.

Laws are only as good as the people they are protecting so if they're not then (in my rather twisted opinion) they're invalid...

+++what about you? Would you break the law to save someone?
And do you think all laws are created equal?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 12

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Be true to yourself and love yourself - the rest will fall into place.

I think if you do those 2 things pretty much everything will workout okay

+++do you agree!+++

Broken

So I recently replied to my therapist when he was suggesting some things we can work on --- let's just give up and admit I'm broken. (this was a pity party day)

Well fast forward a week and I spent some time with an older gentleman with ms... And it occurred to me how dare I call myself broken and quit when this poor guy has debilitating pain for anywhere from 5 to 20 seconds out of every 2 to 3 minutes, he hasn't called it yet how could I?

Shortly after this I managed to fall/slip/stub my toe (let's blame it on my clumsiness and the fact that I was trying to be helpful and pay attention to a dude with ms while walking down stairs #fail :-) well my foot started swelling right away. The long and the short of it... It's broken!

I'm thinking someone/something out there has a sense of humor... Now let's see if I can not break my neck on crutches!

+++totally not a related question - do you see the dear in the wall up above?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 11

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

Ahhh finally an easy one (should have read ahead and then I wouldn't have taken so long a break). I've been in this exact situation many times! I'd point out some of her finer points. I wouldn't correct them or defend her (I find people don't listen when you are basically telling them they're wrong) but say she was so sweet to me during xyz period of ny life she helped me with abc - I couldn't have made it through without her...

+++what would you do? Pupster really wants to know+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 10

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

I'd like to say that I feel like this question is about the same as question 2...

This sort of paralyzes me... I really want to do the right things (hello recovery I'm looking at you) but I think that maybe if I did things right the right things would happen. Does that even make sense? (btw I feel like I say that phrase more than anyone I know)

+++ so what about you? Which would you rather do the right things or do things right?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 9

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

Well I am currently sitting here at the laundromat texting hubster letting him know that this is my first and last time doing laundry here!

To what degree have I controlled my own life? Hmmm hard one! I partially believe that everyone controls their lives but at the same time circumstance really determines a lot. I can't control what happens to me - but I can control how I react to it, right?

That's the part I need to work on - reactions...

+++what about you, have you determined your own life?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 8

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

This is another thinking one... I assume that MY lifespan is about 40 years. So what would I do differently? Well I'd like to change what I'm doing currently... But I can't quite figure out how. And for pupster and hubster I wanna live a long time, they're lots of fun

I plan on talking to my treatment team next week to figure out what I need to do. If I only have a few years left I'd be okay with that IF I were living it rather than just surviving it... However if changes can make it a longer happier life I'm all in for that too!

+++what changes can you make to improve your life?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 7

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

Um I'm assuming they mean working here...

I don't work, I want to I just can't right now. So I would guess that that means I am settling.

BUT I am working towards getting my act together enough so that I can work. And that is such a hard thing because I have no clue what I want to and am able to do. I know that it's important to me to feel like I am bettering the world with my work.

I am a trained florist and have taken event planning courses I love dogs. I would like to work with the elderly or sick... So how do I use those skills towards that goal?

+++what about you? Are you doing what you love? And if not how can you get there??+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 6

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Well since I am blogging from my phone as I walk pupster down the trail near our house and my heart is light and airy I am going to say dog walking.

I love sharing my happy place with him and his friends. He loves the woods as much as I do. I'm sure a part of that is because I am happy but I am also certain that a huge part if it is I am happy because he introduced me to the woods. Before pupster I never went in the woods!

If walking pups in the woods would pay the bills... I'd be rich

+++what would make you rich?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 4

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

Well I can tell you I would NOT change raindrops on roses! (or whiskers on kittens for that matter)

But in reality I'd change judgements. I really think that if people didn't judge one another we'd all be happier and healthier!

Everyone is guilty of it - in good ways and bad... You see a sweet looking old lady and you smile and get warm inside - you don't know that she just bonked someone off the head with her cane. You see a cray cray on the street - and you never know they gave their last cigarette to a friend having a bad day.

People are so much more than a cover

+++are you what you appear to be?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 4

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

Well I can tell you I would NOT change raindrops on roses! (or whiskers on kittens for that matter)

But in reality I'd change judgements. I really think that if people didn't judge one another we'd all be happier and healthier!

Everyone is guilty of it - in good ways and bad... You see a sweet looking old lady and you smile and get warm inside - you don't know that she just bonked someone off the head with her cane. You see a cray cray on the street - and you never know they gave their last cigarette to a friend having a bad day.

People are so much more than a cover

+++are you what you appear to be?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 4

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

I would hope that I have dome more than I've said. There are little things I do that I hope help people and at the same time makes my day! The flower above is a daily "gift" if you will to my friend, it is my way of giving her a hug...

However ED wise I talk harder than I do... Which is probably a bad thing!

+++what about you? Will you have said or done more?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 3

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

This is such a tough question! Because why do we? I guess we do it because in order to live/be a member of society there are certain things you must do!

In recovery there are certain things you must do... Weigh ins - hate them, labs - hate them and stress for days, dig deep in therapy - it's painful but has to be done! But theoretically they are for the greater good. I think in all things IF the things you are doing is for a greater gooder purpose than it makes sense but if it's not than maybe we should follow the lead of the pups above and find a good lake to jump in (even if mom screams no)

+++what's something you like to do and you're not doing it often enough? How can you find time to??+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 2

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
(the photo is my pondering brain)

This one is SO hard for me! I am so afraid of failing but I regret all the things im too scared to try, so isn't that failing by default? But I've written about this before but something about failing defines me and paralyzes me continually... So I think I'm going with failing...

+++what about you? Which is your fear??+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 1

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

Above is my little niece B she's 9. We are pretty much on the same wavelength so I'm gonna guess I'd be 9!

Take the craft that she's doing up above... It was at an ac Moore craft day. I borrowed her because I really wanted to go and make the tie dyed shirts and cards for soldiers (ooh and the duct tape bracelets too).

I also "stole" her when I wanted to see Hannah Montana the movie (on opening day no less) she hated it - I was hooked from opening scene.

As she gets older I worry who is going to be my go to for rides at fairs and goody movies and craft days... Fortunately nephew T is still only 5... And he and I are going to home depot this weekend to make a lunch box! Living the good life here I tell you!

+++so how old are you?+++

50 questions

I've seen this on a few blogs and well at the moment I am taking a break before I destroy the bathroom (I can't seem to put up the mirror)
It originated at
http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/

I'm thinking I'll do one a day just to remember to blog and start doing something other than house fixing

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

22. Why are you, you?

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

25. What are you most grateful for?
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

26. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

27. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

28. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

32. If not now, then when?

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for

Last looks

Leaving home in a sense involves a kind of second birth in which we give birth to ourselves.
Robert Neelly Bellah

A week ago I took this picture - a last look back through the doorway that had always been my home. The day was so hectic and crazy but I managed to remember the few "goodbye" rituals I really wanted to do.

I took this picture as I left

I took a picture of the tree in the front yard that my mom planted the day they moved in there.

I "made" real vanilla from a kit (you simply poor good vodka over these vanilla beans and write the date in the space provided - it's ready in 4-6 months and can continue being refilled for an entire 7 years)

And I sat on the kitchen floor and cried with hubster and pupster while listening to bill harley's moving day http://www.billharley.com/lyrics.asp?SongID=517 (got it on iTunes - you should too)


Car’s full,
Trunks packed -
Stuff on the roof rack.
Mom says
We leave soon.
Last time
In my room.
One last look out my window -
The yard,
the street,
the place I know.
I go, they stay -
It’s moving day.

Here’s where
My bed stood.
Floors made
Of old wood.
Mom left
The light on
Walls marked
With crayon.
The door I slammed when I was mad.
The place I cried when I was sad.
I go, they stay
It’s moving day.

When I grow up, I might come back
To this place again.
If I find some kids live here
I’ll tell them who I am.

“Let’s go,” Dad calls
I guess that’s all
Goodbye house,
Goodbye room
I won’t be back soon
Down the steps,
Out the front door
Now I don’t live here
Anymore.
Part of my heart stays
On moving day

And it's true a big part of me stayed on "we street" on moving day and forever...

I'll be back soon with the updates of the new house - btw he has a name! Gregory, he's Gregory house. And hopefully I'll get more regular and if we are lucky interesting with my posting!

+++are you a ritual person?+++

Beautiful blemish

If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them.
Author: Mohandas Gandhi

As I prepare to move from the only place I've ever called home I've gotten pretty sentimental.

Not for the square footage I'm giving up.
Not for the gorgeous floors.
Not even for THE TREE


But for the blemishes -

The stain on the ceiling from when baby A was startled walking into our hobby room and dropped her oj and it hit the ceiling. (she waited for me to yell - I never did, I laughed until there was nothing left in me)

The corner of my wood stairs where a young dog (my nephews) chewed his fears. (my mom taught me 2 things this day 1. Be smarter than the dog you are dealing with 2. Never tell someone what to be afraid of)

The wall where when the undertaker took my mom her knocked a corner. (this was the moment I ceased to exist in my own eyes)

The hidden paint behind the upstairs sink because a young nephew wanted to help me...

Mid breakdown I called my 8.5 month pregnant niece and asked her to come take pics so I could remember (as if I would ever forget) and she did! And she treated it ad solemnly as I needed her to. And then we went out and laughed about galaxies...

This got me thinking, what is it people love about you. Is it the perfection or the stain on the ceilings? And how can we embrace our own nicks?

Last weekend

‘A child building a sandcastle is not "working hard". It doesn’t seem to him to be a task. It simply fills his imagination at the time ti’st going on, and anything else is an irritant.’
— Jonathan Miller

Was the sand castle competition at revere beach.

Hubster LOVES sand castles (actually I think he should compete in an amateur contest someday) so I surprised him and took him. Hello 90*, 80,000 people, and the loudest music I've ever heard! Basically a Joy recipe for disaster. But it wasn't, because I took myself out if the equation and made it all about hub and you know what?

I actually had a good time! It was great to watch hubster play in the water (yup he still PLAYS in the water) and watch him smile and laugh... It made me realize that that's what I'm missing, the living part of life. That's what I need to find! Ohhh but first I need to pack! I move in 5 days....

+++side note I saw what the interior designer (gift from the realtor) is planning on doing with the inside of the new house and holy sick is it gorgeous - its a magazine that I'll get to live in... (I'm still trying to convince myself that I did the right thing here)

+++do you love sand castles?+++

Blogging on purpose

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.

- Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama


(catch the double meaning of my subject?)

Anyway, I have another post ready about politeness but this word PURPOSE keeps jumping in my head! So I'm gonna try and work it out here

I firmly believe that everyone/everything/every event we come across has a purpose for us. It may make us stronger, happier, more resilient or somehow better...

This week I've been on vacation in Lincoln new Hampshire (1 of my 3 favorite places on earth) the first day a friend had come up with me and about 18 hours in to a week long vacation she missed her boyfriend and left (not very pleasantly but alas her choice and loss). At the same time a stupid money decision on my behalf was crashing down on poor hubster. I was able to fix it from up here but not without inconveniencing a lot of people.

What was the purpose of these events?

Well I think the friend wad to teach me to remember my audience...
And the $ was to assure me that moving to the cardboard box (which I have renamed the wee house because I've sort of fallen in love with it and want to show it the respect it deserved - SIDE NOTE why do people name their cars but not their houses? I mean our cars are misty and buzz...) was the right move for us!

So 2 days later I am in a bit of a financial quandary and call my friend Laura for advice (can't ask hubster because it's about his birthday). I felt like I needed advice because earlier in the week I'd made such a big oops (which she knows all the deets of) so I give her my options
-spend the (lesser) $ now and pray I am okay until closing
- wait until closing and pray it hasn't tripled in cost (a very real possibility)

She replied with an option I hadn't come up with - she'd loan me the $ and I'd pay her after closing.
Now I had JUST finished telling her how I'd screwed up earlier and she said she knew but she also knows that I'll pay her back so let's do it and stop worrying.

After we took care of everything my thoughts again jumped to purpose... What purpose does Laura have in my life?
Was it to loan me money? No, the money was the catalyst (is this the right word) but for that night laura's purpose to me was to remind me that I am a worthy investment. At other points her purpose has been to call me out on stupidity, reign me in, make me feel loved, make me laugh, and peel me off of sidewalks...

So again I thought what is my purpose to Laura?
You might say it's she needs to be needed (perhaps true but I think it's more than that)
I think I offer to Laura (and correct me if I'm wrong) friendship that is true, an ear, a heart that would stop beating for her if need be, a cute poodle to walk (whenever you want he's yours), and probably most important to her is complete honesty...
I hope to someday have more/better purpose to her but for now it's enough...

This comes off as an ode to a friend and it is and it isn't... It is a reminder to look for the purpose around you! It might not be what you think!

+++what's your greatest purpose?+++
****what should I name my house??****

Don't worry I will save you

"the strong must protect the sweet" - Dan castellanetta

ahhh pupster my constant companion. I could not ask for a better friend.

The other day I was mowing the lawn (a chore I go into each time with annoyance - why why why does the darn grass grow back?) and pupster was of course outside with me.

I started the mower and pupster sensing my unhappiness started attacking a running lawn mower. his every motion "I will protect you mommy I will". I took this crazy picture as I shooed him away (to keep him from getting hurt).
It occurred to me though this isn't the first time he has "risked it all" for me.

If we are outside after dark (something I'm afraid of) he has growled at men approaching when I stiffen

If I am particular ly sick in the night he will howl scream or whatever else to get hubster up.

And probably most impressively he simply doesn't allow for purging. If I try he sits at the bathroom door and gives the most pathetic whine/howl... And well it's working. I can proudly say I've gone from 5 to 6 times a day to ONCE IN THE LAST MONTH!!! He is pretty amazing this poodle of mine!

+++so tell me who protects you?+++

Possibilities

"stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibility"

Lately I haven't been blogging because I was bit by the good enough bug... There are a number of reasons or excuses why I wasn't good enough to blog. At the end of the day they're irrelevant I blog because it is my out. I blog so that someday I can write "I'm recovered" and someone else can see all the shitty times were worth it (this will happen, right?)

So pretty much what's been up in my life:
House crap 24/7 and although I say it isn't bothering me my body's all over pain probably proves that theory wrong.

I got a droid to replace my dying iPhone and hate it (sorry droid lovers)

My feelings have been hurt from pretty much every angle (probably means it's me)

When I've felt well enough I've taken pupster on some amazing walks!

Hubster made me laugh so hard it hurt when he told pupster "it's a good thing you're a poodle, we need a smart dog since we treat you like you're human" I replied for pupster "what do you mean treat me like I AM HUMAN"

And the MOST EXCITING news is my nephew is home from his deployment in Afghanistan (yesterday)

+++how do you talk yourself out of the doldrums?+++

Thick skin and gorgeous nails

"You can't let other people tell you who you are. You have to decide that for yourself."

Today I got a manicure/pedicure combo (the gift certificate was a b'day gift from a friend) and while the lady was giving me a pedicure she commented that I had thick skin. I giggled (I'm assuming she meant the calluses) and said it's because I'm a runner.

The lady in the chair next to mine decided that a comment was okay and made a "twig" comment (there are seriously not enough words in the English language to explain how much I hate ANY body comments) but today I let it go and texted a friend about something totally separate

Then the manicurist commented on my "odd color combo choice" btw I love teal and red together and the names fit in my life right now "suzi says feng shui" and pinpricks (I'm going to acupuncture tonight) but I laughed and was like whatever

recently I have gotten a couple other comments that I thought wow I am doing so well!

"you look better" (okay still heard fat but I didn't cry then - I waited)

"you know that's the family home you're selling how can you do this?"

"your new house is too small, with no land and an ugly color what were you thinking?"

And I talked about these in therapy and was all like aren't I awesome they don't bother me... My therapist pointed out if they aren't bothering you why are you still talking about them? And you know therapist was right! I am hurt and sad and maybe my skin isn't as thick as I'm portraying... I'm not sure how I'll get there but I will! And I will have FABULOUS nails to boot!

+++is there really anybody who doesn't care what other people think? Who aren't stung by comments?+++

Really I wanna know! And then I want them to tell me how to get there!!

My day in numbers (no triggers)

If equations are trains threading the landscape of numbers, then no train stops at pi. ~Richard Preston

So I have to start this off with I am so mathematically stupid that I don't even know what that quote means but (as you'll see below) I took the train!

On Tuesday I was harried and so I just started breaking things down to the minutiae so I would survive it! Here's that day in #s (and times)

24 - hours in the day
9:00 - time we agreed we would accept offers on our house
9:15 - time I looked at email and found an offer
0 - amount below asking the offer was
45 - the number of days before they want to close
1 - the amount of psychiatry appointments I had already made for that day
2 - the number of psychiatrist appointments I ended up going to
0 - the amount of cars I had available to me (see brake fail of last week)
1 - # of husbands who drove me to the train
About 50 - # of phone calls made!
1 - # of realtors who picked me up at the hospital
1 - # of same realtors who drove me back to the train
3 - vials of blood taken
2 - times I talked to myself OUT LOUD while walking down the street
1 - # of houses I put an offer in on.
1638373 - number of times I jumped up and down when it was accepted!
2 - # of times I went into Boston to the hospital for stuff I deemed could wait and Drs deemed could not!
More than 1,000,000 - poodle kisses I got
1 - sisters who left work to do one more check with me!
A billion - times I lost my mind
0 - times I found it
3 or 4 - times I used behaviors
13 - amount of games I had going on words with friends
15 - # of times I had to sign my name/initial here
1 - # of iPhone batteries that conked out so I couldn't call for a ride home
9 - miles walked to and from the train station!
10.50 - dollars spent on trains
7.40 - dollars spent on the T
1 - friends who helped me decide what to offer
1 - husbands who were at work and couldn't answer
Unmeasurable - amount of frustration at said husband's work!
Also unmeasurable? The excitement of starting a home with pupster and hubster in our LITTLE paradise!

+++have you ever bought or sold a house?+++

Gathering the tools

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.
- Vincent van Gogh

Yesterday morning I woke up and knew that I needed to paint the railing on the porch quickly because there was an open house at my house from 12-2 and a half (craggily) painted railing doesn't exactly scream buy me! (as a side note I promise someday not so much will be about houses but that is where I'm at these days)

So I grabbed a (1) brush and the can of paint and set to work. The brush I'd grabbed was bristled and worked really well for everywhere other than the tops of the up and down parts and since there are approximately ten million of those I went and found a sponge brush to do that part and was amazed at how much the right tools for the job made it easier (though certainly not less tedious I still hate painting).

And this brought me to thinking about recovery and how I have the right tools I just need to pick them up and start using them. So in my head while I was painting I thought about what tools I needed (really anything to distract me from the tediousness at hand)

A primary care physician who knows my problems

A therapist who listens and empathizes but doesn't let me dole out crap I cants

A psychiatrist who pays attention to what I'm saying (and what I'm not) and stays on top if my meds

A husband who does his best to give me a safe place and if that means holding my head while I puke and pretending that this is normal than that's fine.

A family that loves me enough to know when I need to be alone and when I don't

And friends who keep in touch

And a close friend who keeps me accountable even when I don't want to be, and is willing (and capable) of accepting the "wrath of Joy" when I'm mad at ---.

Those really are all the tools anyone needs to get as better as they are capable of getting.

BUT similarly to yesterday while I was painting I need to gather my tools and use the right tool for the job. I haven't yet, and they're all there waiting - being used here and there but really waiting to come out of the toolbox for the big job... And that's up to me, and that might be the hardest decision I make and will certainly be the hardest fixer up i have in me!

+++do you ever have epiphanies while sound miserable chores (have I mentioned I HATE to paint?)+++

PS - do you like to paint? If you do, when I buy the new house (wherever that might be) would you like to come paint???

Exuberance

Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed.-author unknown


This is a reoccurring theme in my life I think... I start something REALLY excited and gung ho and then the reality of it sets in and I lose interest and well it all sort of peters out...

Recovery keeps being one of those... "I will follow meal plans" "I will not over exercise" "I will go to all my appointments" and when I am telling you these (ultimately lies) I truly believe them to be true. Then reality sets in and well I'm no longer following plans, making appointments or working out in a reasonable manner.

Recently my psych has suggested that I email her when I am wanting to use ed behaviors or si and while I originally (as in Tuesday) thought this was a great idea - I'd purge with words rather than my mouth - when yesterday came and it was time to write the email I instead found myself in a bathroom.

I wondered why... And unfortunately I know why, I'm ashamed of admitting I'm GOING TO do it (whichever it that I might be doing at the time) I am often not sorry for having done it...

Even my shame looses steam quickly! Not exactly sure where I'm going with this or how to change it but it is clearly something I need to work on .... If only I didn't lack the follow through, huh?

+++are you good at follow through? +++

Find it in the woods

A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world. ~Paul Dudley White

I took yesterday off from blogging and from most house related stuff (other than 1 trip to the storage unit and a walmart stop to buy an air mattress for staging a room) because it was pupsters birthday!

I spent the morning walking in the woods with him. That's where he found this itty bitty little turtle! This thing was seriously the size of a quarter - I must admit I kind of wanted to take it home with me...

Then we dropped daddy off at work and I bought him a birthday cake ice cream! And then a little later I bought him a burger from mcdonald's. A little cuddling (ohhh and finding the title 5 - I guess I did do some house stuff) and off we went to get his two year old pictures taken (OMG cute - Delia at picture people in Burlington is amazing) where he had a cupcake for one of the pictures!

Then we had to go pick up daddy at work and we were 1/2 an hour early so we went on another woods walk and THAT is where the post's title comes from...

How is it that I can use food as a way to show love to pupster whom I literally love more than life when if any of the things I bought him were handed to me I would look at them with loathing and all but run away? Where does my double standard come from?

I guess it's something to ponder on my next walk in the woods

+++where do you do your best thinking?+++

Sleep well my friend

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit. ~ Napoleon Hill

Yesterday my ole lady dog finished her journey. She got her reward.

She was a lesson in not quitting! She was a rescue at age 2 with a prolapsed esophagus (which made her breathe funny but didn't hurt her) she was sure to win our hearts so that her fate was sealed for a long life :-) not the "other alternative" for a non-puppy with "special needs"

She spent 17 years as my little friend (and more importantly as my mother's most trusted companion) I slept in my house for the first time without her last night. I'll miss her - but not her lessons, those are staying right here with me.

Good night Chin-E (the non Natasha, right?) God keep you to morning!

Happy birthday to ME!

"Pleas'd to look forward, pleas'd to look behind, And count each birthday with a grateful mind."
-Alexander Pope

Every year on my birthday I like to look at the gifts I have been given over the course of the year and what I want for the next year (my wish)

This past year I was graced with:

Long walks in the woods with the greatest pupster a mom could ask for!

Friends who love me as I am yet won't settle for "good enough" when it comes to my health

A husband who supports me unequivocally

The clarity to agree that I need a psychiatrist as well as a therapist and the ability to find one that my insurance would pay for.

Agreeing to take the meds she prescribed

Twitter and twitter friends who without knowing have gotten me through rocky days!

A vet who loves my clumsy pup almost as much as I do and is careful to take great care of him!

The decision to find my place in this world (ps we looked at a ginormous townhouse (as in 150 sf more than our house) yesterday and liked it a lot and loved the neighbors/hood - it's just overpriced by about $30,000... But it's been empty six months so we will see where that goes)

and some much needed family healing (baby steps there's a long way to go)

FOR THE COMING YEAR I AM WISHING FOR:

Only 1 thing (I want God/karma/the universe to understand how important this is)

My nephew to SAFELY return home from Afghanistan - that is really all I need :-)

+++how do you like to celebrate birthdays?+++

Lazy day quiz

I saw this over on Aeverie's blog (loveveggiesandyoga.com) and decided it was perfect for today!



1. What is your mom’s best friend’s name? She had two best friends, 1 named Marie and the other Jean

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? I have a funny one near my elbow

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? My 1st grade music teacher - mr prada I loved him

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? No, and I'm feeling kinda lame about this

5. What body part do you wash first? Face

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? No, I used to but now I just don't

7. What is the strangest talent you have? I am not that talented I have no idea!

8. Do you have an innie or outie? Innie.

9. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? I can!!! I learned a couple years ago (though I will walk 1/2 a mile to avoid it if possible)

10. What shoe do you put on first? Whichever I grab first

11. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? No.

12. If you had to choose to never wash your bed sheets again or never wash your towel again, which would you rather not wash? Towel. You just washed yourself so at least you're clean

13. What was your childhood nickname? Joy joy the boy toy - I hated it!!!

14. When was the last time you played air guitar? My sister's wedding 11 years ago

15. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Gross, no! And how does one do that?

16. How do you eat your cookie? I bite into it - but I'm not a cookie person

17. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? No, I'm not that hardcore.

18. Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others. I prefer to not eat in front of others!

19. How often do you clean your ears? Multiple times a day!

20. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Fold

21. Do you have any strange phobias? Birds!

Apparently there’s no #22.

23. Do you freak out when you feel a sneeze coming on when you’re driving? No.

Painting AGAIN

"do unto others as you'd have done to you"
(pretty sure it's the bible)

Today is a clear and beautiful day if you can believe it! And I am painting the porch. The realtor told me it wasn't necessary

On maps and such

If you don't know where you are going any road will get you there - Lewis Carroll

Last night the hubs had a performance about 2 hours from home, pupster and I decided to join him :-) I stayed and listened through the first 3/4 of his show but then decided the field across the street was calling my name and I NEEDED a walk. Pups and I walked and jogged around the field until it got dark.

It was great! I got tons of thinking done and the conclusion that I came to was a little bit like this - I don't think I'm as upset about leaving this house as I thought I was I think I'm more upset about not knowing where I'm going... You know?

But the quote above is true whatever road I take will lead me to where I need to be. I don't need a gps for this journey!

A fun story - I have a (soon to be 18 year old) niece and when she was three she drew me this picture on a piece of cardboard and the center was a house and after that was tons of what I assumed were scribbles... Turns out they were roads and this was her map and when she gave it to me I asked her where the map was going to take me. Her 3 year old reply? "if you follow it long enough it will take you anywhere you want to go" she's right so I'm gonna follow my map and see where we stop -- and come to think of it, I think when we do stop I'll frame and hang that map!

+++are you happy where you physically are? If not have you considered moving?+++

Zzzzzzzz

"To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep."

It's funny when you think about it... When you are most excited or closest to achieving your dream, you can't give your body the rest it needs to accomplish it. We have been working so hard at getting ready for the house to go on the market we literally work every spare moment and fall dead into our bed (or couches) at the end if the night.

And that's when I can't sleep! Sometimes because I'm thinking about our next place "where will it be" "is it a townhouse or a single family?" and sometimes it's "what if I miss my home?" and then I spend the night tossing and turning only to "wake up" exhausted and less able to work.

I feel like it's the same with recovery - when you REALLY want it and you can't achieve it that day the next is a little harder... How do you "force it"?

+++what's your dream and what steps are you taking to make it happen?+++

Making cents

"a penny saved is a penny earned"

So not too long ago in a comment section Missy ( http://missymiller.wordpress.com/ ) asked me how I was saving money while we were struggling to save $ to sell the house (and I have to say I can NOT believe how expensive it is to sell a house "right") I have to start off by saying I am not an expert in anything financial so take this as my story not as advice!

So anyway this is what we are doing:

-only buying what is needed and it's amazing how in your 30s there is very little you NEED. we've amassed enough stuff that we don't need new clothes, accessories, household items (again except for what the designer tells me to buy).

-date nights have become stay in nights (and for the most part have become sort and donate/pack/throw away nights) other than the other night which was a food court $5 night and a $3 massage chair. (and we all know how that ended - stolen wallet)

-if you have an item that you always buy (for me it's almond milk) use coupons when you can (and be sure to check on eBay - I recently got a pack of 20 .55 blue diamond almond milk coupons for a dollar and since it is something I will buy it was worth $1 to me) and stock up if it's storable when on sale (ie the almond milk again - on sale $3 a 1/2 gallon and then used the coupon - bought 4 because that is how many I'll use before they expire)

-remember that gas is expensive so try to do all your errands at once and plot out the best route.

-get rid of "stuff" I once read that clutter costs you money and I believe that because it's hard to find things in a cluttered home and life. and remember 1 mans trash is another mans treasure so try selling it on eBay or craigslist or a yardsale before you donate (and when you donate get a tax receipt!!)

-pay your bills on time (late fees are expensive)

-stop or pause extras. This is the hardest for us but it is saving us $. We brought our fios down to the basics and only have it on 1 TV (it's amazing how much you can find on hulu) I cancelled my gym membership (and am using my trainer at home and walking in the woods A LOT (well not currently but that's a post for another day))

-insure your pet! I spend $12.63 a month on pupsters insurance Monday's bill? $700! I had to pay it but will submit it to insurance and should get at least a chunk of it back (they always deny part - but resubmit usually it gets you more) in a couple months time!

And a final 1 that I have always done:

-utilize the library there is so much there. Books, movies, museum passes!

+++how do you save money?+++

On learning what's important

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I woke up yesterday feeling very muchly like a failure... A very early in the morning thought was "what kind of moron does not keep her wallet (which is really a wristlet) on her wrist while trying on shoes?" and decided I was going to turn my day and attitude around! Mondays are a therapy day (Thursday's and Fridays too) so I had that going for me.

Spent the morning working on the house and then went off to therapy and decided pupster and I were going for a hike in the rain when I got back... I could take a break from cleaning we both needed it. Well, when I got back pup didn't greet me and that's when the day changed!

Pup (it appears) fell down the stairs (probably tripped on the box of books I left at the top because I can't carry it) and could not move.

I carried him out to the car and drove him crying to the er vet... X-rays came back he tore a tendon and some muscle in his right hind leg. He got some ivs and some pain killers and some separate anti inflammatories and needs to be on rest for a week! But he'll be fine - and that's all I needed to hear! and I think drugged pupster is awfully cute!

Yesterday he taught me that losing a wallet = inconvenience. Keeping a friend = priceless. Thanks for the lesson pupster!!! (next time maybe a couple kisses instead of scaring me to death, mmmmkay?)

I'm hoping today is boring and tomorrow's blog will be fun! Missy from beautiful struggle (aka one of my favorite recovery bloggers) asked what I was doing to save $ these days and I actually wanted to chat about that!

+++what is something you're grateful for?+++

Lost!

"events control me; I can not control events" - Abraham Lincoln

Last night hubster and I needed to get out of the house. We were both simply exhausted from so much work and at the same time with how much work we have to do! So we took a "date night" we went to the mall. Hubs got some taco bell (his all time favorite) and I got a yummy lemonade. Then at this mall they have recliner chairs that give massages that are pretty decent so hubs tossed in $3 for 18 minutes and I became a mall walker (I totally admit I am one of "those people" during the winter).

We were having a nice night out and decided to give ourselves another 30 minutes or so by stopping by the Christmas tree shop up the street - we were there less than 25 minutes when I realized I lost my wallet (above) which I carry on a chain with my keys attached.

If you follow me on twitter you know that it also had all the $ we had made the day before at the yardsale plus all of my "monthly money" and hubster's money as well (so a total of ~$240), I knew the only place it could be is near the "wish they were Tory burch" sandals so we ran back and it wasn't there - hubs, store clerks and I all looked for about 30 minutes (while my nephew came up with more keys for us) until the store closed. I left my # and cancelled my credit cards and am trying to be optimistic but in reality I know it's gone!
And I KNOW that $240 isn't the end of the world (but these days it's more than we can afford to lose - way way more). I've cried (more than) a few tears and it'll be okay. Hopefully this won't delay stuff for the house and the sooner we get this listed and sold the sooner $240 will be disappointing but not devastating.

So I think today I will respectfully disagree with Mr Lincoln - events don't control us how we accept them does!

+++have you ever lost your wallet? Was it returned?+++

Do actions speak louder than words

"Act in such a manner as to create no bad feeling" - Abraham Lincoln

First of all, how perfect is the picture of pupster with his version of the stove top pipe hat when speaking of Lincoln?

Yesterday we had a yard sale to purge (that word always brings ED thoughts to me does it to you?) our house of things that don't mean enough to us to move... Whether we buy a 700 sf bungalow (which we saw one and loved) or a 2000 sf townhouse (which we are going to look at Tuesday) hubster and I are only bringing things that we: love, are useful, are pretty to look at, and/or have a positive emotional attachment.

Anyway back to actions... My in laws were kind enough to come over and help me for the day as hubster was working. And over the course of the day my father in law made several comments that hurt my feelings. Things like townhouses are for lazy people, that little bungalow would never be enough and neither of you is handy enough to make it bigger, and while I was showing him what we had done he mentioned that we had too much junk still and we sure had a lot left to do.

And at the end of the day although he had come over to help and his actions were kind his words stung, and a day later I'm still sitting on them. Hubs and I talked about it and are on the same page - we are doing what is right for our little family unit and that is all we need to do. And as for my father in law, well our choices may well not be his BUT many of his are not ours (ie we don't want to live in an urban area). And when he comes to our new home (wherever and whenever that might be) he will be welcomed with open arms, hearts, and a hot cup of coffee and I'm pretty sure he'll forget he ever wasn't all for the move!

+++are you a person who lets words hurt you even when you know the person would never mean to hurt you?+++

(I unfortunately am and I often have to pull myself back and say so and so would never hurt you on purpose so think it through)

30 day challenge question 30

"your highs and lows for the last month"

HIGH -
Time in the woods with the pupster is always a high!
Talking to hubster about where I'm at and how we can work together in the house transitioning!
finding out that someone I care very much about is doing well!
Some fun crafts I designed and made.
Donating a bunch of jewelry to homeless women ( they were so excited )
Falling in love with a new home and having it sell before we can do anything
Falling in love with a second place and having it happen again

LOW -
Hubster's job being an ass (as always)
Pupster hurting himself
Body image
Fear of people
The stress of selling a house (it's expensive so we are even poorer now)
Painting!

+++so what's your high and low for the month?+++

~~~~~also I have to say I enjoyed this daily challenge a lot. I liked that it gave me something to think about and got me going right away in the morning :-) I couldn't find a book of questions but I did find a great book of thoughts (and there's 365) so I am thinking I will share one of those with you each day and give you a little of how I feel about it or how it fits in my life and then ask you all a question, what do you think?

30 day challenge question 29

"goals for the next 30 days"

**sorry that blogger was down yesterday and my post wouldn't go through until today

I have lots of 30 day goals...
Mainly due to the house going on the market next week and my birthday the week after!

My main goal is to stay sane! I can't really pick now as a go loopy time I need my whits about me as I deal with selling and buying a house!

Another is to continue reconnecting with family members so that when I do move it won't break the shaky foundation we are creating!

Add more healthy ways to care for myself into my life - my hair above is a perfect example... I spent a little extra and got all natural hair color from whole foods. It took longer to do but I feel good knowing I was being good to me.

Work on a very stalled recovery and reach out as I need it! People aren't mind readers and shouldn't have to be! I have a voice :-)

Support my friends - this is self explanatory

Rid my life of things and people which aren't right for me!

Take time every single day to walk the pupster rather than relying on the dog pen.

Wake up every morning and thank hubster and pupster for sharing 1 more day with me.

+++what is a goal you have for the next month?+++

30 day challenge question 28

"something you miss"

I am going with someone I miss... My mom! I miss her everyday... In a "mom oughta see this" sort of way!

I think she would have loved operation beautiful! Operationbeautiful.com

The premise is pretty much everything she believed in...

I woke up this morning and it occurred to me that when we sell this house and move for the FIRST time in my life I will live in a house I didn't share with my mom! And all of a sudden I'm not quite as interested in moving... I know that it's silly and it's life but I'm gonna pout about it!

Meanwhile though I am looking forward to finding a place that pupster and I can make all our own!

+++so what's something/someone you miss?+++

30 day challenge question 27

"a problem you have had"

I'm thinking that by the end of this they had run out of SENSIBLE topics...

Anyone who has lived past the age of 5 has had a buzillion problems...

Anyways (said in the voice of Ellen) I'm going to go with body image since that is one I am really struggling with these days. It seems I wake up every morning and before I even open my eyes the negative talk starts... And it can be triggered by anything - the position I am sleeping in or (heaven forbid) if I'm not cold...

I actually was planning on blogging about this later today anyway but since it ties in here I'll ask now... Has anyone ever intentionally taken a step back in recovery? I am considering it because I am wondering if going back will actually let me step forward more strongly... I feel like I am "fake getting better" here and it's not a feel I relish so I am considering stepping back to better step forward... I know this is rather vague but it's intentional so I don't trigger any of my recovery friends...

+++what's your take on my solution to my current "problem"?+++

30 day challenge question 26

"what kind of person attracts you"

Well since we've already been over physical attributes I am going to assume they mean characteristics...

For me a person is gently honest. Kindly accepting. Fiercely loyal. Unendingly patient. Quietly strong. Proudly quirky. And maybe just maybe (okay definitely) a animal lover!

Those are qualities I admire! And I am so blessed to have many of those people in my life...

And actually yesterday I heard about one of the people I admire... She is currently succeeding in drug/alcohol recovery! To me... That is better than the "piece of paper" I talked about a few posts back! She is making a life for herself and I hope at some point she can let me into it!!

+++so tell which of these qualities do you own?+++

30 day challenge question 25

"somebody you admire and why"

First of all - how cool is it to have somebody look up to you like that baby looks up to that momma?

I admire so many people! Rather than name a person (cop out alert) I'm going to name a quality...

(or two)

I 100% admire people who have confidence in their bodies/minds/beliefs! ESP when they aren't perfect! However, there is a HUGE difference between being confident and cocky... I like quiet confidence - not someone who has to say "look at me I'm awesome"

I also admire people who fight for what they believe in... Advocates for a cause. Whether a celebrity or a soldier or a civilian putting your "money (life, reputation, whatever) where your mouth is" is an astonishing trait - one I can get behind!

Today, I am painting AKA my least favorite task on the face of this earth! Ohhh yeah and we still have 3 1/2 more rooms to go before next Sunday (not to mention the porches)

+++so what is a quality you admire in someone AND what's a quality you admire in YOURSELF?+++

30 day challenge question 24

"favorite movie and why"

Is this a real question?
Who has a single favorite movie...

I recently saw (and loved) water for elephants... I've literally been telling everybody I know to go see that movie! It is one of the few movies that's almost as good as the book!

Eat pray love was another really good book to movie adaptation (and it totally doesn't hurt that my girl crush Julia Roberts was in it)

This is it is another I can watch over and over - I love listening to all the dancers be so excited! People having their dreams come true makes me happy!

I really loved burlesque too and can't wait for it to come out so I can buy it on iTunes

And my childhood favorite was all ET all the time (I saw it 12 times in the theater)

+++what's a movie you've watched recently and liked??+++

30 day challenge question 23

"5 famous male guys I find attractive"

Okay before I even start can we just all agree I have odd taste in men? Ie they are all very different! If you're wondering what my "it" thing is - it's eyes and all of them have awesome ones!

Michael Anderson (a Boston storyteller)
+his eyes tell even more stories than he does. And he's so smart and you can read that in there too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMijTX60r5w&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Josh freaking Beckett
(hello hottie pitcher)
+he had the most intense eyes on a man and I swoon each time I see him get ready to pitch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9do3AZlnlw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Teddy bruschi
Best! Ever! New England patriot! (my blog do NOT disagree with me)
+his eyes are just pure love! I want to snuggle him!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgmGca0Gkh4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Will Smith
Omg he is literally one of the founding members of my 5 list! Everybody knows him, everybody loves him!
+his eyes are kind and funny and sweet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTpnqZXW5bE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

And lastly...

Chris medina!
American idols loss and america's sweetheart!
+his eyes, his pores, his everything shoots out the compassion in him!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQIR2VeobGE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I KNOW this is a lot if minutes of links but really they're all worth it!

+++so what's your "it" thing in a SO+++

30 day challenge question 22

"how have you changed in the last 2 years"

The last few years have been my hardest but I would say that in the last maybe 6 months I have changed a lot.

I have gone from making recovery a goal to a destination... What's the difference there you ask? Well I feel like goals can easily be changed whereas my destination can't! It's not a matter of if I'll recover but WHEN! and that's a pretty big change :-)
Next is that I have really started to fully trust hubster (a man who holds your hair while your sick to your stomach and tells you you're beautiful at the same time is pretty amazing) and well there's pupster who brings out the child in me and helps me find reasons to live daily!!! And he brought me to the woods where I've found my piece of sanity!

+++what's been a recent change you're proud of+++

30 day challenge question 21

"one of your favorite shows"

Oooh this is easy since I don't watch much tv and I love this show!

House!

I am in love with house the show, House the character, and Hugh Laurie

The reason I love the show is it's never the surface reason that is the problem and I feel like that is so real... How many times in your life have you been like "I'm depressed" and had the ONLY problem be the depression? It never is you always have to dig deeper - get to the uncomfortable stuff to find out what's really going on (wow totally written like someone who has been in therapy for ummm ever). And I like that house has to dig through it all to get to the answer too! I also have to admit that Hugh Laurie is definitely on my 5 list sooooo the eye candy doesn't hurt. IN. THE. LEAST.

+++So what is your favorite show? And why???+++

30 day challenge question 20

"how important is education"

Honestly I am rather obsessed with education - that "piece of paper" is the most important thing to me. A friend of mine and I a while ago had a conversation that was about what's important an I was ALL about the education (she has her masters in nursing and the most I have is a certificate in floristry) and she was all about family (I'm married she's not) and we are each slightly jealous of one another!

I have other friends (I talk about degrees a lot) who tell me my life experience is invaluable - I want the paper!

And lastly my nieces... I tell each and every one of them to go to college get a degree "you don't want to end up like me" and HA one of them agreed but only in fear of being... Vegan!

+++so tell me (let me live vicariously through you) about your degree+++

30 day challenge question 19

"disrespecting your parents"

Hmmm this ones hard! I don't think you should disrespect your parents of course! But that said they shouldn't disrespect you either. Technically my bio father isn't dead but when people ask me about my parents I reply that they're gone. And will elaborate about my mother if need be. The difference is... My mother was a living warm respectful human. Bio father an ass... She deserves my respect and gets it. He does not and will not! being a sperm donor and a thorn in my side does not get you my respect!

+++do you respect your parents?+++

30 day challenge question 18

I need to take a moment before anything else to ask you to send a prayer, wish, good thought, or whatever it is you do. Yesterday Osama bin laden was killed (yay) HOWEVER my nephew is over in Afghanistan and they are predicting some groups over there will be angry (no doubt) and there will be a lot of unrest! Can you please send out into the universe that no more blood be shed but specially my nephew make it home safe and sound, his tour is almost over (July 4th) and he has 2 young boys waiting for their daddy to come home!

"your beliefs"

I believe what you put into this world you get out! If you put your best self out into the universe you will get other people's best selves back. If you are cruel and uncaring that too will come back to you!!

+++give me an example of a time you extended your best self+++

30 day challenge question 17

"your highs and lows of the past year"

Hmmph I just got a low as I went to type this but who knows maybe it'll end up being the highest high!

The house hubster and I had our heart set on sold yesterday :-(

So let's start with the lows and that way we can end on a good note, shall we?

My health hasn't been great
My recovery slipped big time (I am still refusing to call this a relapse!)
Money has all but killed us
We got SLAMMED with taxes
Hubs job cut his hours and pay
We've had more stress than we can handle!

The good!!!!!!!!
We are closer as a team than we have ever been!
Pupster continues to make our days happy and our family complete
I have (in limited fashion) reconnected with my sisters
We have decided to sell our house and buy ourselves something more affordable
And really at the end of the day we are surrounded by live and what more could we want!

Can you all cross your fingers that our current home sells and we find something perfect fast? I'm ready to move on!

+++what have you had that started as a low and ended as a high?+++