Making cents

"a penny saved is a penny earned"

So not too long ago in a comment section Missy ( http://missymiller.wordpress.com/ ) asked me how I was saving money while we were struggling to save $ to sell the house (and I have to say I can NOT believe how expensive it is to sell a house "right") I have to start off by saying I am not an expert in anything financial so take this as my story not as advice!

So anyway this is what we are doing:

-only buying what is needed and it's amazing how in your 30s there is very little you NEED. we've amassed enough stuff that we don't need new clothes, accessories, household items (again except for what the designer tells me to buy).

-date nights have become stay in nights (and for the most part have become sort and donate/pack/throw away nights) other than the other night which was a food court $5 night and a $3 massage chair. (and we all know how that ended - stolen wallet)

-if you have an item that you always buy (for me it's almond milk) use coupons when you can (and be sure to check on eBay - I recently got a pack of 20 .55 blue diamond almond milk coupons for a dollar and since it is something I will buy it was worth $1 to me) and stock up if it's storable when on sale (ie the almond milk again - on sale $3 a 1/2 gallon and then used the coupon - bought 4 because that is how many I'll use before they expire)

-remember that gas is expensive so try to do all your errands at once and plot out the best route.

-get rid of "stuff" I once read that clutter costs you money and I believe that because it's hard to find things in a cluttered home and life. and remember 1 mans trash is another mans treasure so try selling it on eBay or craigslist or a yardsale before you donate (and when you donate get a tax receipt!!)

-pay your bills on time (late fees are expensive)

-stop or pause extras. This is the hardest for us but it is saving us $. We brought our fios down to the basics and only have it on 1 TV (it's amazing how much you can find on hulu) I cancelled my gym membership (and am using my trainer at home and walking in the woods A LOT (well not currently but that's a post for another day))

-insure your pet! I spend $12.63 a month on pupsters insurance Monday's bill? $700! I had to pay it but will submit it to insurance and should get at least a chunk of it back (they always deny part - but resubmit usually it gets you more) in a couple months time!

And a final 1 that I have always done:

-utilize the library there is so much there. Books, movies, museum passes!

+++how do you save money?+++

On learning what's important

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I woke up yesterday feeling very muchly like a failure... A very early in the morning thought was "what kind of moron does not keep her wallet (which is really a wristlet) on her wrist while trying on shoes?" and decided I was going to turn my day and attitude around! Mondays are a therapy day (Thursday's and Fridays too) so I had that going for me.

Spent the morning working on the house and then went off to therapy and decided pupster and I were going for a hike in the rain when I got back... I could take a break from cleaning we both needed it. Well, when I got back pup didn't greet me and that's when the day changed!

Pup (it appears) fell down the stairs (probably tripped on the box of books I left at the top because I can't carry it) and could not move.

I carried him out to the car and drove him crying to the er vet... X-rays came back he tore a tendon and some muscle in his right hind leg. He got some ivs and some pain killers and some separate anti inflammatories and needs to be on rest for a week! But he'll be fine - and that's all I needed to hear! and I think drugged pupster is awfully cute!

Yesterday he taught me that losing a wallet = inconvenience. Keeping a friend = priceless. Thanks for the lesson pupster!!! (next time maybe a couple kisses instead of scaring me to death, mmmmkay?)

I'm hoping today is boring and tomorrow's blog will be fun! Missy from beautiful struggle (aka one of my favorite recovery bloggers) asked what I was doing to save $ these days and I actually wanted to chat about that!

+++what is something you're grateful for?+++

Lost!

"events control me; I can not control events" - Abraham Lincoln

Last night hubster and I needed to get out of the house. We were both simply exhausted from so much work and at the same time with how much work we have to do! So we took a "date night" we went to the mall. Hubs got some taco bell (his all time favorite) and I got a yummy lemonade. Then at this mall they have recliner chairs that give massages that are pretty decent so hubs tossed in $3 for 18 minutes and I became a mall walker (I totally admit I am one of "those people" during the winter).

We were having a nice night out and decided to give ourselves another 30 minutes or so by stopping by the Christmas tree shop up the street - we were there less than 25 minutes when I realized I lost my wallet (above) which I carry on a chain with my keys attached.

If you follow me on twitter you know that it also had all the $ we had made the day before at the yardsale plus all of my "monthly money" and hubster's money as well (so a total of ~$240), I knew the only place it could be is near the "wish they were Tory burch" sandals so we ran back and it wasn't there - hubs, store clerks and I all looked for about 30 minutes (while my nephew came up with more keys for us) until the store closed. I left my # and cancelled my credit cards and am trying to be optimistic but in reality I know it's gone!
And I KNOW that $240 isn't the end of the world (but these days it's more than we can afford to lose - way way more). I've cried (more than) a few tears and it'll be okay. Hopefully this won't delay stuff for the house and the sooner we get this listed and sold the sooner $240 will be disappointing but not devastating.

So I think today I will respectfully disagree with Mr Lincoln - events don't control us how we accept them does!

+++have you ever lost your wallet? Was it returned?+++

Do actions speak louder than words

"Act in such a manner as to create no bad feeling" - Abraham Lincoln

First of all, how perfect is the picture of pupster with his version of the stove top pipe hat when speaking of Lincoln?

Yesterday we had a yard sale to purge (that word always brings ED thoughts to me does it to you?) our house of things that don't mean enough to us to move... Whether we buy a 700 sf bungalow (which we saw one and loved) or a 2000 sf townhouse (which we are going to look at Tuesday) hubster and I are only bringing things that we: love, are useful, are pretty to look at, and/or have a positive emotional attachment.

Anyway back to actions... My in laws were kind enough to come over and help me for the day as hubster was working. And over the course of the day my father in law made several comments that hurt my feelings. Things like townhouses are for lazy people, that little bungalow would never be enough and neither of you is handy enough to make it bigger, and while I was showing him what we had done he mentioned that we had too much junk still and we sure had a lot left to do.

And at the end of the day although he had come over to help and his actions were kind his words stung, and a day later I'm still sitting on them. Hubs and I talked about it and are on the same page - we are doing what is right for our little family unit and that is all we need to do. And as for my father in law, well our choices may well not be his BUT many of his are not ours (ie we don't want to live in an urban area). And when he comes to our new home (wherever and whenever that might be) he will be welcomed with open arms, hearts, and a hot cup of coffee and I'm pretty sure he'll forget he ever wasn't all for the move!

+++are you a person who lets words hurt you even when you know the person would never mean to hurt you?+++

(I unfortunately am and I often have to pull myself back and say so and so would never hurt you on purpose so think it through)

30 day challenge question 30

"your highs and lows for the last month"

HIGH -
Time in the woods with the pupster is always a high!
Talking to hubster about where I'm at and how we can work together in the house transitioning!
finding out that someone I care very much about is doing well!
Some fun crafts I designed and made.
Donating a bunch of jewelry to homeless women ( they were so excited )
Falling in love with a new home and having it sell before we can do anything
Falling in love with a second place and having it happen again

LOW -
Hubster's job being an ass (as always)
Pupster hurting himself
Body image
Fear of people
The stress of selling a house (it's expensive so we are even poorer now)
Painting!

+++so what's your high and low for the month?+++

~~~~~also I have to say I enjoyed this daily challenge a lot. I liked that it gave me something to think about and got me going right away in the morning :-) I couldn't find a book of questions but I did find a great book of thoughts (and there's 365) so I am thinking I will share one of those with you each day and give you a little of how I feel about it or how it fits in my life and then ask you all a question, what do you think?

30 day challenge question 29

"goals for the next 30 days"

**sorry that blogger was down yesterday and my post wouldn't go through until today

I have lots of 30 day goals...
Mainly due to the house going on the market next week and my birthday the week after!

My main goal is to stay sane! I can't really pick now as a go loopy time I need my whits about me as I deal with selling and buying a house!

Another is to continue reconnecting with family members so that when I do move it won't break the shaky foundation we are creating!

Add more healthy ways to care for myself into my life - my hair above is a perfect example... I spent a little extra and got all natural hair color from whole foods. It took longer to do but I feel good knowing I was being good to me.

Work on a very stalled recovery and reach out as I need it! People aren't mind readers and shouldn't have to be! I have a voice :-)

Support my friends - this is self explanatory

Rid my life of things and people which aren't right for me!

Take time every single day to walk the pupster rather than relying on the dog pen.

Wake up every morning and thank hubster and pupster for sharing 1 more day with me.

+++what is a goal you have for the next month?+++

30 day challenge question 28

"something you miss"

I am going with someone I miss... My mom! I miss her everyday... In a "mom oughta see this" sort of way!

I think she would have loved operation beautiful! Operationbeautiful.com

The premise is pretty much everything she believed in...

I woke up this morning and it occurred to me that when we sell this house and move for the FIRST time in my life I will live in a house I didn't share with my mom! And all of a sudden I'm not quite as interested in moving... I know that it's silly and it's life but I'm gonna pout about it!

Meanwhile though I am looking forward to finding a place that pupster and I can make all our own!

+++so what's something/someone you miss?+++

30 day challenge question 27

"a problem you have had"

I'm thinking that by the end of this they had run out of SENSIBLE topics...

Anyone who has lived past the age of 5 has had a buzillion problems...

Anyways (said in the voice of Ellen) I'm going to go with body image since that is one I am really struggling with these days. It seems I wake up every morning and before I even open my eyes the negative talk starts... And it can be triggered by anything - the position I am sleeping in or (heaven forbid) if I'm not cold...

I actually was planning on blogging about this later today anyway but since it ties in here I'll ask now... Has anyone ever intentionally taken a step back in recovery? I am considering it because I am wondering if going back will actually let me step forward more strongly... I feel like I am "fake getting better" here and it's not a feel I relish so I am considering stepping back to better step forward... I know this is rather vague but it's intentional so I don't trigger any of my recovery friends...

+++what's your take on my solution to my current "problem"?+++

30 day challenge question 26

"what kind of person attracts you"

Well since we've already been over physical attributes I am going to assume they mean characteristics...

For me a person is gently honest. Kindly accepting. Fiercely loyal. Unendingly patient. Quietly strong. Proudly quirky. And maybe just maybe (okay definitely) a animal lover!

Those are qualities I admire! And I am so blessed to have many of those people in my life...

And actually yesterday I heard about one of the people I admire... She is currently succeeding in drug/alcohol recovery! To me... That is better than the "piece of paper" I talked about a few posts back! She is making a life for herself and I hope at some point she can let me into it!!

+++so tell which of these qualities do you own?+++

30 day challenge question 25

"somebody you admire and why"

First of all - how cool is it to have somebody look up to you like that baby looks up to that momma?

I admire so many people! Rather than name a person (cop out alert) I'm going to name a quality...

(or two)

I 100% admire people who have confidence in their bodies/minds/beliefs! ESP when they aren't perfect! However, there is a HUGE difference between being confident and cocky... I like quiet confidence - not someone who has to say "look at me I'm awesome"

I also admire people who fight for what they believe in... Advocates for a cause. Whether a celebrity or a soldier or a civilian putting your "money (life, reputation, whatever) where your mouth is" is an astonishing trait - one I can get behind!

Today, I am painting AKA my least favorite task on the face of this earth! Ohhh yeah and we still have 3 1/2 more rooms to go before next Sunday (not to mention the porches)

+++so what is a quality you admire in someone AND what's a quality you admire in YOURSELF?+++

30 day challenge question 24

"favorite movie and why"

Is this a real question?
Who has a single favorite movie...

I recently saw (and loved) water for elephants... I've literally been telling everybody I know to go see that movie! It is one of the few movies that's almost as good as the book!

Eat pray love was another really good book to movie adaptation (and it totally doesn't hurt that my girl crush Julia Roberts was in it)

This is it is another I can watch over and over - I love listening to all the dancers be so excited! People having their dreams come true makes me happy!

I really loved burlesque too and can't wait for it to come out so I can buy it on iTunes

And my childhood favorite was all ET all the time (I saw it 12 times in the theater)

+++what's a movie you've watched recently and liked??+++

30 day challenge question 23

"5 famous male guys I find attractive"

Okay before I even start can we just all agree I have odd taste in men? Ie they are all very different! If you're wondering what my "it" thing is - it's eyes and all of them have awesome ones!

Michael Anderson (a Boston storyteller)
+his eyes tell even more stories than he does. And he's so smart and you can read that in there too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMijTX60r5w&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Josh freaking Beckett
(hello hottie pitcher)
+he had the most intense eyes on a man and I swoon each time I see him get ready to pitch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9do3AZlnlw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Teddy bruschi
Best! Ever! New England patriot! (my blog do NOT disagree with me)
+his eyes are just pure love! I want to snuggle him!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgmGca0Gkh4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Will Smith
Omg he is literally one of the founding members of my 5 list! Everybody knows him, everybody loves him!
+his eyes are kind and funny and sweet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTpnqZXW5bE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

And lastly...

Chris medina!
American idols loss and america's sweetheart!
+his eyes, his pores, his everything shoots out the compassion in him!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQIR2VeobGE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I KNOW this is a lot if minutes of links but really they're all worth it!

+++so what's your "it" thing in a SO+++

30 day challenge question 22

"how have you changed in the last 2 years"

The last few years have been my hardest but I would say that in the last maybe 6 months I have changed a lot.

I have gone from making recovery a goal to a destination... What's the difference there you ask? Well I feel like goals can easily be changed whereas my destination can't! It's not a matter of if I'll recover but WHEN! and that's a pretty big change :-)
Next is that I have really started to fully trust hubster (a man who holds your hair while your sick to your stomach and tells you you're beautiful at the same time is pretty amazing) and well there's pupster who brings out the child in me and helps me find reasons to live daily!!! And he brought me to the woods where I've found my piece of sanity!

+++what's been a recent change you're proud of+++

30 day challenge question 21

"one of your favorite shows"

Oooh this is easy since I don't watch much tv and I love this show!

House!

I am in love with house the show, House the character, and Hugh Laurie

The reason I love the show is it's never the surface reason that is the problem and I feel like that is so real... How many times in your life have you been like "I'm depressed" and had the ONLY problem be the depression? It never is you always have to dig deeper - get to the uncomfortable stuff to find out what's really going on (wow totally written like someone who has been in therapy for ummm ever). And I like that house has to dig through it all to get to the answer too! I also have to admit that Hugh Laurie is definitely on my 5 list sooooo the eye candy doesn't hurt. IN. THE. LEAST.

+++So what is your favorite show? And why???+++

30 day challenge question 20

"how important is education"

Honestly I am rather obsessed with education - that "piece of paper" is the most important thing to me. A friend of mine and I a while ago had a conversation that was about what's important an I was ALL about the education (she has her masters in nursing and the most I have is a certificate in floristry) and she was all about family (I'm married she's not) and we are each slightly jealous of one another!

I have other friends (I talk about degrees a lot) who tell me my life experience is invaluable - I want the paper!

And lastly my nieces... I tell each and every one of them to go to college get a degree "you don't want to end up like me" and HA one of them agreed but only in fear of being... Vegan!

+++so tell me (let me live vicariously through you) about your degree+++

30 day challenge question 19

"disrespecting your parents"

Hmmm this ones hard! I don't think you should disrespect your parents of course! But that said they shouldn't disrespect you either. Technically my bio father isn't dead but when people ask me about my parents I reply that they're gone. And will elaborate about my mother if need be. The difference is... My mother was a living warm respectful human. Bio father an ass... She deserves my respect and gets it. He does not and will not! being a sperm donor and a thorn in my side does not get you my respect!

+++do you respect your parents?+++

30 day challenge question 18

I need to take a moment before anything else to ask you to send a prayer, wish, good thought, or whatever it is you do. Yesterday Osama bin laden was killed (yay) HOWEVER my nephew is over in Afghanistan and they are predicting some groups over there will be angry (no doubt) and there will be a lot of unrest! Can you please send out into the universe that no more blood be shed but specially my nephew make it home safe and sound, his tour is almost over (July 4th) and he has 2 young boys waiting for their daddy to come home!

"your beliefs"

I believe what you put into this world you get out! If you put your best self out into the universe you will get other people's best selves back. If you are cruel and uncaring that too will come back to you!!

+++give me an example of a time you extended your best self+++

30 day challenge question 17

"your highs and lows of the past year"

Hmmph I just got a low as I went to type this but who knows maybe it'll end up being the highest high!

The house hubster and I had our heart set on sold yesterday :-(

So let's start with the lows and that way we can end on a good note, shall we?

My health hasn't been great
My recovery slipped big time (I am still refusing to call this a relapse!)
Money has all but killed us
We got SLAMMED with taxes
Hubs job cut his hours and pay
We've had more stress than we can handle!

The good!!!!!!!!
We are closer as a team than we have ever been!
Pupster continues to make our days happy and our family complete
I have (in limited fashion) reconnected with my sisters
We have decided to sell our house and buy ourselves something more affordable
And really at the end of the day we are surrounded by live and what more could we want!

Can you all cross your fingers that our current home sells and we find something perfect fast? I'm ready to move on!

+++what have you had that started as a low and ended as a high?+++

30 day challenge question 16 and some ramblings

"your views on main stream music"

Ha! Hubs and I were JUST talking about this! When we got married (8 years ago) I listened to Garth Brooks (and that's about it).

Now
My favorites are:
Lady gaga
Black eyed peas
Bruno mars
Danny gokey
Michael Jackson
Celtic woman
And so many more

They're all pretty main stream but they all have a good beat and make me smile - I really don't and won't listen to music that makes me angry... I don't get it! So I guess I like main stream music...

So in other places (aka my life) I kind of feel like I'm in this really odd space. I'm sort of numb but at the same time hyper sensitive. Like I can't think about my body (but anyone with ed or body image issues knows I also can't get it off my mind) because I hate it so much. And I want to fix my thinking but I'm not really DOING anything to make that happen...

I'm again really afraid of people and am re going back to the woods for my daily walks. I skipped therapy last week and tried this week and got a big old no get in here... And what's weird is my therapist mentioned he thought I was doing poorly and then the next day my psychiatrist says she thinks I'm doing so much better and I'm like...

And today I am supposed to be going to see my niece compete and it's already starting (the panic) so I'm like well if you go you can use behaviors... Are you kidding me? When does this stop?

Speaking of stopping I'd better before I scare away the two readers I have :-)

+++who do you listen to? And who makes you change the radio station?+++

30 day challenge question 15

"your favorite tumblrs"

I am pretty sure they mean tumblr the blogging website but seeing as I've never been there I am showing you my niece a gymnast who is very muchly my favorite tumbler!!!

She is really good, and tomorrow I am going to watch her in another competition :-) she has been doing very well... Often landing on top of the podium!

+++so tell me, do you have a favorite tumbler or tumblr??? And should I be checking out tumblr?+++

30 day challenge question 14

"your earliest memory"

I have to admit I was really excited for this one! Not because my memory is all that exciting or even that early but simply because it is a testament to a life long friend.

As a child I had seizures as a result I have very few memories of my childhood (often when people friend me on facebook I ask my friend Kerri how I know them) so I thought back to my childhood and I came up with two memories. I sent them to her with the request of how old was I when xxx and she replied... This amazed me! No "why?" no commentary at all just the answer! A great part of old friends they know the the stories will be theirs in the long run anyway!

So we decided that my oldest memory is a fight Kerri and I got in (well not the fight the making up) and that I was sick of being mad at each other so when the ice cream truck came I said "I'll buy you an ice cream if you'll be my best friend"

Must've worked she's still my dear friend all these years later!!!

+++did you have a "get out of jail" card with friends?+++

30 day challenge question 13

"somewhere you'd like to move or visit"
(okay I know the photo isn't the 30 day challenge poster but you can look down one post for that if you'd like to see it AGAIN!)

I feel like this is 2 different questions!

I would like and will happily move anywhere that these two guys go! They say home is where your heart is and mine lies with my boys!!!

As for where I want to visit I have a list (who doesn't?)
Tuscany! This is my dream - always has been always will be
Disney (again) it's my happy place
The redwoods (I love to hike imagine how cool it'd be amongst those trees)
Prince Edward island (it's where my nana was born)
Iceland (my parents lived there)
grand canyon
Austria (for my favorite breed of horse)
And
A private island for just the three of us to explore and enjoy!

+++what about you? Where do you want to go+++

30 day challenge question 12

"bullet your day"

I'm bulleting yesterday because how will I post this if I'm doing it?

-up at 4:00 sick to my stomach
-up again at 7:15 for the day
-moisturize and brush teeth
-get out the door to the dentist
-arrive at dentist, sit in waiting room playing words with friends
-get 19 X-rays
-meet with dentist (who I think is planning her next vacation with my mouth)
-meet financial lady who tells me I need $5500 worth of work... (thank you years of purging)
-laugh and make an appointment for a cleaning ($130)
-drive home wondering how I'll look toothless
-meet the stager for the house (yup decided to put the house on the market)
-find out we have to paint every room (throw up in my mouth a little for the second time)
-start cleaning out stuff that we won't be keeping
-get the worst headache
-take a bath
-take a nap
-get up, stress purge (sorry tmi but being honest)
-take pupster out for a walk (with the damn headache)
-get gas (omg)
-drive for some stress relief and then realize we can't afford that with gas $4 a gallon
-go home say hey to hubs and fall asleep ~8:00 (thinking the move might stress me to actual death)
-wake up take meds go back to bed

+++what was the best part of your day?+++

30 day challenge question 11

"put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up"

This one was hard! I never use my ipod anymore (thank you pandora) so i had to find it and charge it! But here you go (as a side note I often listen to the mj station on pandora)

Explain it to my heart
Remember the time (Michael Jackson)
I'm already there (lonestar) (this particular version is the soldier version where family members of deployed soldiers send them wishes - I cry like a baby every time)
From the bottom of my heart (wall flowers)
The girl is mine (Michael Jackson)
Where in the world (rockapella) (I love this and when I'm running this pushes me faster)
Mr right (Garth Brooks)
Hero (Paris Bennett)
Land of confusion (genesis) (blame Jim)
Save the last dance for me (Michael buble')

30 day challenge question 11

"put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up"

This one was hard! I never use my ipod anymore (thank you pandora) so i had to find it and charge it! But here you go (as a side note I often listen to the mj station on pandora)

Explain it to my heart
Remember the time (Michael Jackson)
I'm already there (lonestar) (this particular version is the soldier version where family members of deployed soldiers send them wishes - I cry like a baby every time)
From the bottom of my heart (wall flowers)
The girl is mine (Michael Jackson)
Where in the world (rockapella) (I love this and when I'm running this pushes me faster)
Mr right (Garth Brooks)
Hero (Paris Bennett)
Land of confusion (genesis) (blame Jim)
Save the last dance for me (Michael buble')

30 day challenge question 10

"discuss your first love and first kiss"

Love! Love is strange to me and is it REALLY what they're asking for? Or do they mean my first crush?

I'm going with crush! And although I always say it was hubster I am actually not sure if it was him or if it was ...Freddy miller... Freddy was either mentally retarded or down syndrome (pretty sure he was retarded but anyone who'd remember has gone to the big party in the sky) and he was in my mother's class and every day after school I'd go wait for her to finish teaching so she could drive me home! And I fell in "love" with Freddy miller! He brought out the child in me (I was a very sad and introverted 8 or 9 year old) we'd play, we'd laugh and for 25 minutes each day I was the most appropriately named person on the face of the earth!

Freddy didn't just bring this out in me, he brought it out in all the lives he so gently touched! When he got moved to the high school (before me) kids from main stream classes would flock to him! He was... Our angel! When I aged up to high school he was no longer my love but still my dear friend!

As classes graduated many would stop by on college visits to say hello to a favored teacher and probably bring a little toy to Freddy!

I was a junior the year Freddy died (I lost my bff that year too) his funeral was PACKED! But each of us knew that our Freddy knew we loved him and he loved us back! He was as my mom called him love on legs :-)

He was a beautiful soul - and many of my town's girls first "love"!

For my first kiss? I don't even remember so I'm going with it was from some boy not worth remembering and it sucked!!

+++so tell me who was your first crush?+++

30 day challenge question 9

"how do you hope your future will be like"

Can I answer all sunshine puppy dogs and rainbows?

Yeah probably not and no doubt I'd get bored with that anyway!

I'd like a future where I am working towards goals. Where I have a direction (right now I flutter between a ton of things that I want to do with my life), where I am mostly happy but can deal with disappointment. Where I can travel (can't now because of money restraints and fear), where I can trust and love (other than just pupster), and where I'm proud to be me!

How's that for my dreaming answer?

+++what's your wish for the future?+++

30 day challenge question 8

"a moment you felt most satisfied with your life"

There are many moments I've felt satisfied with my life.

Riding my old horse in a parade at the big E and being asked to carry the American flag.

Walking in the woods with pup and seeing him bound back to me.

Finishing the Jimmy fund marathon walk.

The first time I made a pearl necklace with knotted silk.

Each of those moments has made me feel satisfied, as though my life were important... They each give me "warm fuzzies" in a different way...

+++what about you what makes you satisfied with your life and how can you incorporate more of it into your life?+++

30 day challenge question 7

"your zodiac sign and if it fits your personality"

I am a Gemini

They say the twins have 2 very distinct personalities.

For me I'd agree, I'm very black or white... I'm either extremely happy or angry/sad/whatever beyond words. I'm either incredibly flighty (my add kicking in) or so focused that the world could fall down around me. So I think that is how I embody the twins!

A funny story I met a friend for the first time at a horse show - we chatted for about two minutes and he was like "you're a Gemini right?" I was incredibly freaked and agreed he laughed and told me it came from every pore of my being :-)

+++so what about you (cheesy pick up line coming) what's your sign??+++

30 day challenge question 6

"write 30 interesting facts about me"

Well I'm touched that you think that there could be 30 interesting things about me! Here goes nothing...

1. I love the heat and live for it
2. My house burned down when I was 19
3. I was an exchange student to costa rica
4. I don't like vacations (I prefer my own house)
5. I married my first crush
6. I'm obsessed with my dog (they never said they had to be unknown facts)
7. The woman I call my godmom isn't "technically" my godmother (because she already had 7 kids and my mother thought 1 more was a burden - ha! Dumb logic if you ask me)
8. I got kicked out of high school and sent to an alternative school (where I was the only student to have not done time)
9. I've never done an illegal drug
10. 2008 was the worst year of my life
11. My body thinks it's about 100 most days!
12. I prefer my husband's 23 year old car to my 5 year old car and the only benefit to having been so sick lately is he's let me take it over
13. I make lots of jewelry (lots)
14. I've fractured my back TWICE
15. And yet the accident I've had that scared me most was falling off my bike and scoffing my elbow and knee
16. I love going to the post office
17. More than anything I want to sell my house and move with hubs and pup to a cute little house I've named the cardboard box
18. I buy hubs a balloon every month
19. I can't wait to learn about honey bees (hopefully Saturday)
20. I'm afraid of the dark
21. I get insanely proud of myself when I'm doing a new/hard craft and I make whomever I'm with look every few minutes
22. I think acupuncture is a gift from heaven
23. I love my nieces and nephews literally more than life!
24. I like to walk in the woods and around the city! I think you're pretty much invisible both places
25. I ski - I love it and I'm terrified of it!
26. I rarely cry
27. Intolerance makes me crazy!
28. I love massages but hate being touched
29. I don't have a "best" friend (unless you include hubster) but I have great friends!
30. I collect snow globes (but have for so long that now I'm super picky)

+++what are 3 (or 30 if you're brave) interesting facts about you?+++

30 day challenge question 5

"a time you thought about ending your own life"

Wow! What an uncheery topic first thing in the morning!

I guess when I most thought about ending my own life (and when I tried) was when I was 12. You know how those are some of the hardest years of your life?

Well I just didn't deal with them
As well as many people do.
Both of my grandfathers (whom I adored equally and differently) were ill and dying (one died that year the other the next) and the thought of so many changes in my life and living without them was more than I could handle.

Fortunately I failed, and was put (kicking and screaming) into a hospital but it worked for me and I think I'm a little more compassionate for having gone through the experience!

+++have you ever thought of ending your life+++

30 day challenge question 4

"your views on religion"

I am one of 4 daughters - my father was Methodist, my mother was episcopalian until she moved to where we live and there was no episcopal church so she became a congregationalist, my god-mom? She's catholic! And my sisters as they all got married they became their own religions...

Me? I'm nothing! I want to believe there is a higher power so I do! I want to believe there is a heaven so I do! I want to believe there is someone/something to be accountable to at the end of the road (not in a tally sort of way but just in a knowing way) so I do! You know what? I also believe in the Easter bunny and Santa claus... And if that's not your thing I'm okay with it! And if you're super religious and believe that I'm going to hell for not going to church or reading the bible? Well then pray for my soul because we can all use all the help we can get!

And those are my views on religion!

+++what are yours?+++

30 day challenge question 3

"your views on drugs and alcohol"

Well IN THEORY I am pretty liberal about them... I choose not to use them but... As long as people don't abuse them but in my life's experience people do!

So I guess what I am saying is I don't care how you get your pleasure as long as it doesn't impede my pleasure...

+++do you think certain drugs (ie marijuana) should be legalized+++

30 day challenge question 2

"where you'd like to be in 10 years"

Wow! I have a ton of answers to this one!

I'd like to be recovered. I'd like to be living a fairly simple life - seeing friends and some family pretty often. I'd like for pupster to be old manster right by my side! I'm still happily married to hubster! We've been to Italy (my dream vacation)!

I will have a couple of certifications - I am thinking yoga teacher ;-) (of course since my own body can't do it right now that doesn't feel plausible but it will be)

And I'd like to be helping make the world better in some small way... I think it'll be through therapy dogs but maybe by then there will be something else that I feel drawn to do to make it better.... But I'm big on helping others.

+++how do you make the world a better place+++

30 day challenge question 1

"your current relationship"

Well.... Currently (and for the last 8 years) I'm married to hubster. He is laying beside me STILL sleeping, we definitely have opposite sleep and wake schedules (probably why we still like each other HA).

Hubster and I don't have human kids (we have approximately 10,000,000 nieces and nephews for when we need a kid fix!) but we have the cutest pupster - who has been acting a little off lately (even for him) so we are checking it out with the vet and the trainer! Yup I'm the nervous Nellie momma!

We live north of Boston where it appears that spring may actually be coming. We own a home but are talking to a realtor to either downsize a little or move into a townhouse just so we can be mortgage free (mortgages, car loans, etc kind of freak me out)

Well I guess that was a pretty long answer to relationship...

DC - the final frontier (okay the last post)

So I'm behind (what else is new?) but here is the last of the DC posts!

And coming up a wedding and life!
And maybe a series???

Here's a video of all the highlights of DC!

(I'm not sure why the music isn't coming through - I will keep working)

The Orchid Exhibit

source

So a little known fact about me is that I am a florist - it is what I actually went to school for. So when I saw that the orchid exhibit was open at the Smithsonian I knew I had to go.

And honestly, I had expected sights like this...


And yeah even this:
(nope not pregnant - sunburned and tired NOT glowing)

But what I wasn't prepared for was how much I was going to learn about Orchids.

Did you know that the vanilla bean comes from and Orchid Plant



Source
Though vanilla is a well-known scent and baking ingredient, it is not well known that the familiar vanilla pods come from an orchid plant. The vanilla orchid is one of the many orchid plants that are easy to grow indoors. This orchid plant has an interesting history. The pods from this orchid are used for the well-known vanilla flavor and vanilla scent.

Most of the vanilla flavor and scents we are familiar with come from artificial production. True natural vanilla comes from a seedpod from the vanilla orchid. Vanilla planifolia is the species that is grown for commercial vanilla flavor and scent. This orchid will climb like a vine, often up a tree trunk that provides the partial shade it prefers. The vanilla orchid plant’s flowers are large and can be white, greenish yellow, green, or cream in color. Each vanilla orchid bloom opens in the morning and closes in the evening, never to open again. If an orchid flower is not pollinated (from stingless bees, hummingbirds, or by hand), it will be quickly shed.

Though a vanilla plant may be high maintenance outdoors, bringing this orchid plant indoors will make the job of growing a vanilla orchid plant easier. Getting actual vanilla pods from this would prove more difficult. Indoors, the vanilla orchid rarely flowers or produces fruit. One of the main hindrances growing this orchid plant indoors is the lack of high humidity. Considering this orchid plant has the potential to reach a height of 300 feet (in a tropical environment), if you are successful in providing an indoor environment that your vanilla orchid plant will thrive in, this orchid plant may become more than you can handle indoors! With a little care you can grow a vanilla orchid indoors for the foliage. With a lot of care and environment management you can get it to bloom and produce the beautiful orchid blooms and fragrant vanilla pods.

The history of the vanilla orchid dates back to its discovery in Mexico where the Totonaco people first cultivated the plant. The legend is that the blood of two fallen lovers marked the spot where the vine grew and the vanilla scent is aroma of true love and beauty. In the early 1700’s the vanilla orchid plant was introduced to English gardens and grew in popularity. During the 1800’s the vanilla orchid was actually smuggled out of Mexico and Central America. As orchids became popular and rare in the 1900’s, they brought high bids at auctions.

Vanilla is a popular flavor and scent that all started with the discovery of the vanilla orchid centuries ago. Though many foods contain artificial vanilla flavor and your favorite vanilla scented candle may have synthetic vanilla scent added, you can still find real vanilla from the beautiful vanilla orchid plant with a little searching. There is nothing like seeing the familiar brown specs in each delicious spoonful of vanilla ice cream made with real vanilla and eating it in a room with natural vanilla scented candle burning.

Or how it can and has been used in Chinese medicine


Orchid Medicine

Orchids, particularly the species Dendrobium officinale, have been used as medicinal herbs for centuries. New research has discovered many new applications of the different orchid species, and today there are at least 50 orchid species used especially in traditional Chinese medicine formulas.

The use for dried orchids ranges from immune system build-up, to cancer treatment, eye-sight improvement, regaining strength after healing (for healers) and quick recovery after sex.

The parts of the orchids used most frequently are the stems and bulbs, as they are designed to keep the plant alive during dry season, and hence are rich in nutritive substances.

It really is quite amazing to me that these beautiful "decorations" also have so much value in health and healthy living!

Did you enjoy this informative type of blog post? Would you like it if I checked out more museums on occasion and let you know what I learned?

I think I have one more quick DC post and then I am on to THIS week! Not bad only exactly a week late - but hey this has been a pretty stressful week with some difficult personal decisions and some health issues (both I am planning on talking about in upcoming posts) and wakes funerals and a wedding!

Have a great weekend, and really would you like more posts like this or was it a bore?

Relay really

When I signed up for a relay run in DC the hubster gave me one of those ARE YOU NUTS comments...

I told him I wanted to run in DC (easily one of the most beautiful cities in the world and a "hub" of blogging) and I wanted to see all the fun that was going to happen around the national marathon. It also happened that it was the same weekend as the cherry blossom festival and the kite flying festival! I was IN!!!!


Susannah, Carly, Sana, me, Joanna, and Amanda!

So why a relay? Why not train for the half?
Because, why does a person blog? To become a part of a community and I think that a relay offers even more of that sense of community.
And really I only had even read one of the blogs of the ladies I was running with before I signed up with them (I have since added 4 great new blogs to my list - and you should too)


Another reason to sign up for a relay? This shining face will be waiting for you at 7:00 in the cold to wait for the trade off


AND will wait outside IN THE FREEZING COLD while you stay inside (still shivering) making sure you don't miss the trade off


And will take a good picture of you making it LOOk like you actually waited outside and were hardcore


You won't have to run in this crowd alone!


And best of all you get to finish with a friend - and really isn't that what all of life's about - starting as strangers and finishing as friends?



And the ladies were all super sweet and grateful for my insomniac induced crafting (I made them each medal holders - hubster informs me I have to make these for my etsy shop too)


So yup relay! For a REALLY good time!

Let's have fun! Let's run!!

Omg I had SUCH a good time on this run!
There seriously aren't enough words! Let's start with the ladies Who were in the two teams that made up our group (there is a post about all of them with links to their awesome blogs coming up soon) were amazing!
And Sana (above) www.supersana.com who I actually ran with was SO much fun! AND AND AND this was her first race and you all know how I am about firsts (they are so important to me) so it was extra awesomesauce!

Sana and I were the third leg of a 3 leg relay team and both teams had run together so we were waiting together (well as much as me waiting inside shivering and her being an awesome team player/cheerleader and being outside cheering on other runners is waiting together). Sana saw our team mates and we ran to where we were supposed to meet them and we took off!

The crowd was awesome and people were cheering the whole way. There were some great signs (in a photo post to come) but there was one in particular that said "if it were easy I'd do it" and that made me channel my inner Kendra (voiceinrecovery.com - one of the most inspiring people I "know") and I took a moment to write my body a love letter or thank you note for allowing me to drive 9 hours down, stand in the freezing cold, run 3.1 miles (and later walk (according to my mileage tracker) another 15) and feel pretty good (I did have a few spots when I was really dizzy (but I just pretended I was fine - you know fake it till you make it works)). Sana was great to run with, our paces matched and she didn't mind the fact that I was going to take about 1,000,000 pics of her (it was her FIRST RACE PEOPLE) and smiled each time. She didn't complain the I'd stop to take pics of dogs (yup dogs of DC post coming) she'd go on and I'd catch up! It was great!

Sana and I ran into a blog friend of hers (and now mine) mindy and we finished strong with her! We got our medals and found our teams and hung out with them for a little bit before we all headed off in our own directions - but not before declaring we all work well together and we must do this again (plans are in the works??)

Check our Sana'a recap at;
http://www.supersana.com/2011/03/27/run-baby-runnnn/

***have you ever done a relay?***

(off to take the pupster for a romp in the woods he is waiting ohhh so impatiently - imagine toes tapping on my shoulder)

Most. Awkward. Greeting. EVER!

<<<<>>>>side notes: 1: taking a picture of your own hand is weird (or maybe I need to sleep) 2: so many cool things happened in DC that I am going to post several shorter posts over the course of the next few days (including this one from a rest stop on the drive home @ 4:30 in the morning - I probably ought to be taking a nap) 3: I am the most socially awkward person I know - but this takes it even for me! <<<<>>>>

Setting scene about a buzillion bloggers in one small loud room.

Hi, I'm Holly (from the healthyeverythingtarian.com)

Hi, I'm ummm I I'm sorry I just broke my wedding ring

Look of kind shock on her face

I start to blubber (insert foot into mouth)

It's pearls, ummm I'm a pearl girl, ummm it happens umm it's okay. I'm not a diamond person, my father was a jeweler and a drunk and ummm yeah ummm we got diamonds when he was an ass. I have a diamond it was my mother's, she's dead it was in my family for 8 generations and now I wear it. Ohhhh ummm I'm Joy, nice to meet you!
(all spoken at about 1,000,000 miles per hour while staring at my broken pearl ring willing it back together and my mouth to stop talking!)

And she was the most gracious person ever!

This THIS is why I don't get out much. Wouldn't you want to meet me?
Yeah I think I'll go for that nap now seeing as they don't sell alcohol at rest stops!

Ready to run

Sana and I are ready! We've got our cute shirts, fabulous attitudes, and lots of excitement! Can't wait to tell you about it in a bit!

It's twisted

So the other morning (Sunday) I woke up and tried to find some quiet tasks to do as my sister was still sound asleep in the hobby room (what most people call their family rooms) and I didn't want to disturb her. I came up with finishing these glass necklaces - they only needed the silver and copper twisted around them.

Around noon I woke my sister up -she'd gone to bed Friday night, slept through all of Saturday (claiming she had a headache when I tried to wake her a couple times) and was still tired... I decided it was time for an ER trip she grudgingly agreed (if you call it agreeing when her choices are go on your two feet or be carried). Well 9 hours later she was given quite a few tests, tons of pain meds and 3.5 liters of fluids...

Through out this my mind kept leaving my pretty seriously ill sister and SCREAMING at me that I was missing my workout. Yelling that I shouldn't have been making jewelry that morning I should have gone for a run, that I had no right! What's sad is that I wasn't able to be fully there for my sister because I really couldn't get out of myself.

I went to bed stressed and disappointed in my lack of activity (the ER is not really a place to even try to fit in a workout) and for a first time I woke up the next day and had to fit in two days worth of workouts just so I could fit in my own skin. This made (and makes) me so sad. I really thought I was at a point in my "recovery" where exercise was for fun happy Joy and not to "feed" a sick twisted ED...

I'm not sure where I go with this information - just something to ponder...

***have you ever discovered parts of yourself that weren't as you thought?***

***do you exercise for fun?***

Just because you can doesn't mean you should

I have a niece who says that exact phrase to me periodically, usually when I am thinking in a disordered manner. These jeans bring this phrase out more than ANY other thing.

These jeans. They are "my jeans" we all have that thing that is just well us. These are my thing!

The thing about them is they are my "skinny jeans" when I fit into them my ED is happy, when I don't my treatment team is happy (I'm not exactly sure where *I* fit in this equation just yet). I know exactly what weight I need to be to wear them. I know the exact number(s) where they fit/are too small/are too big. They are my ED security blanket, so to say. We jest that my disordered self prays at the alter of the jeans (not too far from the truth).

The other thing about them is they are old (hand me downs from another niece) and wearing thin. I worry about the knees each time I wear them and each and every precious thread every time I wash and dry them I say a little prayer.

Well the other day heather did a post on a wreath she made from recycled fabric (she even mentions old jeans)
http://www.thenheathersaid.com/2011/03/07/get-crafty-fabric-rose-wreath/
And it set off a little spark in my head like "hmmm maybe I ought to make something beautiful for my home from them rather than keep them as a prison for my ED" and the thought has stuck there...
Missy http://missymiller.wordpress.com recently got rid of a pair of triggering pants and I was so impressed and proud of her (okay and I admit slightly jealous of her bravery)
I don't think I could give or even throw away my favorite jeans but can I make something out of them? That'd be kind of cool I think... Will it free me or send me spiraling? I don't know and that's kind of (ok really really) scary!

***so have you ever done anything like this?***
would you?

Opinions please

My scars tell stories

Today as I was taking a bath (the same one where I took that picture of my scar) I looked down at my knee and I saw a soft pink scar. I remember the day it came to me fondly - Laura and I were biking and I had my first bike fall. I cut my knee and it has a matching sibling on my left elbow. I got up and we rode on (albeit a little more slowly). Do you remember that day Laura? It was a great day!

I looked a little further down my leg and saw a long thin white scar - from early on in my shaving days (the reason I mostly wax now) another time I laughed it off tossed a band aid on and went about my day.

If you look over to my right leg you will see an almost identical scar - from a recent hurried shaving expedition (I really shouldn't shave)

On my right arm you will see a few scars from surgeries to fix my muscles (and carpal tunnel) man was that doc HOTT!

On my stomach is scars from my gall bladder removal. My niece stayed and cared so hard! She's an OR tech and picked my team carefully and wasn't happy when I seized.

My upper lip's 42 stitches my senior year left a scar. I learned the Russian army march for this one - a history teacher tried to make it cool

And the one on my chin still makes me laugh, I was 12 and showing off on my kick ass horse while all my friends were still riding pokey ponies. Well I said whoa and she did! Too bad I didn't and skidded across a street ON MY CHIN! okay lesson learned!

And then there is my "other arm" the one where the scars were intentional. These are the scars I hide... Wide bracelets, long sleeves, well placed hand movements. They too have a story - each of them was a time I needed the physical pain to match the emotional turmoil - the problem here is it never does and just adds another layer of turmoil... And the circle continues!

Today is self injury awareness day - perhaps we could all try to be more aware every day?

***do you have any scar story you'd like to share***