Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It's twisted

So the other morning (Sunday) I woke up and tried to find some quiet tasks to do as my sister was still sound asleep in the hobby room (what most people call their family rooms) and I didn't want to disturb her. I came up with finishing these glass necklaces - they only needed the silver and copper twisted around them.

Around noon I woke my sister up -she'd gone to bed Friday night, slept through all of Saturday (claiming she had a headache when I tried to wake her a couple times) and was still tired... I decided it was time for an ER trip she grudgingly agreed (if you call it agreeing when her choices are go on your two feet or be carried). Well 9 hours later she was given quite a few tests, tons of pain meds and 3.5 liters of fluids...

Through out this my mind kept leaving my pretty seriously ill sister and SCREAMING at me that I was missing my workout. Yelling that I shouldn't have been making jewelry that morning I should have gone for a run, that I had no right! What's sad is that I wasn't able to be fully there for my sister because I really couldn't get out of myself.

I went to bed stressed and disappointed in my lack of activity (the ER is not really a place to even try to fit in a workout) and for a first time I woke up the next day and had to fit in two days worth of workouts just so I could fit in my own skin. This made (and makes) me so sad. I really thought I was at a point in my "recovery" where exercise was for fun happy Joy and not to "feed" a sick twisted ED...

I'm not sure where I go with this information - just something to ponder...

***have you ever discovered parts of yourself that weren't as you thought?***

***do you exercise for fun?***

1 comment:

Missy said...

I've definetely had times in my life when the ED thoughts were present in the absolute wrong circumstances and it caused me to feel so much guilt.

However, don't beat yourslef up over it. If your were VERY bad you would have left her at the ER and went for a run and then came back...that is how intense an ED can be.
Hate the the disease, not the sufferer.

Hope your sister is OK!

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