Trying out the cheap hips

I've been having some hip problems pretty consistently since August. I fell at an obstacle race and since then my hips have well sucked... 

Here's the timeline:

At first I ignored it

Then I saw the dr who sent me to pt for what he said was a torn glute (aka pain in my ass)

PT disagreed and sent me back to the dr who sent me for an MRI 

MRI said torn labrum and SI joint inflammation on my right leg

Back to pt and add in chiropractor 

Been doing both multiple times a week 

Back to dr Cortisone shot

Still chiro and pt

Back to dr because sitting hurts running hurts standing too long... You get the picture here!

2 more cortisone shots 

4 days of HELL pain where anything but laying in my bed was impossible 

🎄Christmas🎅

Next day dr says I'm good to run again BUT

I get sick...

2 extra days off of all workouts.

Yesterday spin and barre class

And I'm back from the run soooo...

Today 6 slow & flat miles and 4 miles in if there was a saw near by I would have chopped at least one leg off to make it stop hurting...

So tomorrow is another call to the ortho to see if he has any great ideas...

I'd love to celebrate ANYTHING march 16th when I'm scheduled to run my next half... But since I've been DNSing races like crazy lately we will see...

Got any words of wisdom? Either on how to fix my cheap hips OR how to deal with yet more down time :-/

Hey mister where's your Christmas spirit

Anyone remember what movie that's from?

Anyway... In a typical year my little family goes like this: J super excited about Halloween and me thrilled for Christmas and valentine's day. But this year I just couldn't seem to muster up the spirit to decorate. I got the gifts (albeit a bit later than normal) and they're wrapped - rather prettily I might add! But putting up a tree? I'll pass.

Well apparently Joy without a tree is just not a thing. Friends kept saying they were going to break into my house and put up a tree... I laughed! Yesterday I went to the gym and when I got home there was J with our old tree half put up (we hadn't used a fake tree in a couple years) and the bah humbug I am pointed out there's rust on it ;-) he soldiered on BY HIMSELF. And in the end I have a tree.

I told him while he was making it that I was going to blog that I admitted that I have an ugly tree (because people always post trees that might not be pretty and say "look at my gorgeous tree") and he laughed. I asked him why he was putting it up he said "because you'll regret not having a tree after its too late for me to fix it" I don't know if he meant after Christmas or after the nor'easter we are getting this weekend! 

But now I'm going to say to you look at my gorgeous tree because rust (and the fact that its only half a tree so it could squish against the window) and all it's the most beautiful tree I've ever seen - its a tree built with love!

Before I forget blueberry pie

J had a birthday a week ago and he isn't a fan of cake but he LOVES a good blueberry pie so I decided to make him one. Well I decided to make him a blueberry pie there were no promises it would be good seeing as I'd never made a blueberry pie before.

I looked at recipes and none were exactly what I was looking for - it was November and fresh blueberries were NOT in the budget (I'd have needed at least 3 baskets and they were $4 a basket) and I couldn't find a recipe for a pie made with frozen blueberries so with fear I made my own up. The opinion of J, and my niece and her husband was that it was "the best blueberry pie I've ever eaten" 

So I want to keep this recipe and share it with you. The recipe that it is most based off of is Betty Crocker's but changed to what I had (I was out of cinnamon and not going back to the store)

Here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/oglmyp7

BIRTHDAY BLUEBERRY PIE

4 cups frozen blueberries (that's one large bag) do not thaw

1/2 cup of flour

3/4 (slightly less) cup of sugar

1/2 teaspoon (little more) pumpkin pie spice

1 tablespoon butter cut up

Pie crust (I used store bought - make sure it has a top and bottom)

Mix ingredients from blueberries to pumpkin pie spice. Pour into a pie crust that you've placed in a pie pan. Place the butter over the top and then cover with the second pie crust rolling the edges so the juice doesn't escape. Poke a fee holes to let steam escape. Bake at 350* for about 50 minutes

Enjoy!

Have you ever baked a pie?

Halloween ramblings

So when I was 18 and still living with my parents I "took over" Halloween. This wasn't a hostile takeover by any means 

;-) 

And really it didn't mean anything other than I got what we were giving out. Well that year some loser decided to put razors in candy bars at the store and I was horrified (rightly so I might add) and so I ordered toys from orientaltrading.com and gave those out and every year since I've given out toys (and many years some sort of gift certificate to McDonald's or Wendy's for ice cream or something - you get a 10 pack for $1) well this year somehow Halloween has snuck up on me - yet I'm prepared (mostly) for Christmas (please don't ask me to make sense of myself it's 2:18 and I'm pretty sure I'm up for the day BOO) 

Anyway (in my head that always sounds like Ellen) today I was at Walmart and saw little packs of microwave popcorn 20 packs for $4 and I think that's how we are going to go this year because its too late to order anything and not pay a million dollars for shipping. I don't like anything the dollar store has and I still don't think kids need more candy on Halloween. So I guess that popcorn is at least better, right? 

Humor me please!

Also we had our annual Halloween party. 21 people in 750 square feet of house... That's all I'm saying :-/ 

Actually I think everyone had a great time (people stayed late)

Have you done any Halloween esque stuff?

It's a medium

This weekend was filled with mediums (well specifically an aura reading for me and an "animal whisperer" for the poodle)

So on Friday night I went to an aura reading party. It was cool, I'd never had anything like that done before. 

First you go and have your aura captured. To do this you put your hand on a little hand shaped thing attached to a computer and then somehow that prints out your aura (no I'm not sure how it works).

The next step is meeting privately with the reader. She looked at my picture and said to me "do you have a lot of anxiety? Like to an extreme?" And I laughed and said "I've taken extra Ativan today, so it's almost under control" she asked how many and I told her and she was surprised that she could even read me (apparently anxiety meds can alter your reading) we kept going and she asked if I was having back pain (omg yes I am - this is a post for another day but PT and chiropractor and I'm still cringing every time I have to lift my leg). And it kept going she said that there was a pink around my legs which meant I was a lover of animals who loved them unconditionally (so true). And a bunch more but sadly I have a hard time concentrating on someone speaking to me for too long and I stop understanding the words (happens when my dr talks too - fortunately my therapist has figured out small sentences and then break or I don't get it)

Then Saturday morning I ran a half marathon (another post coming) and after that there was a pet expo in town so I (of course) brought the poodle! He was a jerk! He is NEVER a jerk but man he hated it and I was so glad to leave! 

But before we left I had him talk to an animal whisperer ($25 for 15 minutes) but I think she was mostly a quack! All she would focus on was do we live near a park (nope) and that he's a hard read because he's the canine version of a Buddhist (because he's so zen). Ummm maybe another day I'd have believed that because for the most part he is the most chill dog I've ever met but Saturday he was raging! I could NOT wait to get home and not have him on a leash where he was pulling me!

Then Sunday was a 5k (and yes my back hates me)

How was your weekend? What have you been up to? And have you ever been "read"?

Running buddy

I live my life by numbers. Scales. Calories. Miles. Minutes and seconds per mile. (And more but that's just my OCD having to count letters etc) until the moment they don't matter at all! The poodle, J and were recently on vacation in Maine. It's a very hilly area and I'm training for my two halfs so I had a short run one day and a slightly longer the next (3 and 5). 

I took my favorite 4-legged running partner with me both days, and the first day we did well (9.48 miles  a chunk slower than average for me but please remember the hills) my goal for the 5 miler was to meet or beat that average... No big deal, right? I'm a numbers girl I'll pay attention non stop ;-)

Well we were just under a mile in .95 to be exact when the poodle pulled up (mr. Man NEVER stops he's usually raring to go long after I'm done). I checked him all over and he seemed okay but didn't want to run. I turned back to the house we were staying at and he didn't want that either he wanted (no he needed) a nice relaxing walk so that's what we did. We walked another 2 miles (half mile further out and then back) and J met us on the return trip for family walk. 

I kept an eye on the poodle and called the vet for a well visit just in case (he's fine - had a little ear infection probably from swimming so much, and as always his allergies were rip raging --- I actually think they're worse in Maine; mine are so that's my guess on why he stopped) 

The moral of this story is that no matter what I had on plan the health and well being of a dog who gives me 100% of his love 100% of the time is obviously of a far greater concern. 

I'd started this post while we were in Maine (labor day weekend) and gave it up (I'd gotten through the first 2 paragraphs) - I wasn't sure why I was writing it. Then yesterday I saw this ad:

And I remembered this post... Is there any sense to it? Notsomuch 

But is there any sense to that despicable (thanks spellcheck) ad... Absolutely not. Other than I guess this if you have a dog and he's your running buddy, remember first that he's your buddy and to take care of him. There isn't one single run (or a million of them) that's  worth the health and well being of the poodle.

Do you run with a four legged friend? 

In the fashion

That is Joy I signed up for 2 half marathons. 

3 weeks apart... With 2 other races thrown in between for good measure 😳

It is POSSIBLE that there is some disordered thinking going on here...

I have been pure exhaustion lately. But tonight I can't sleep because my stomach hates me 😢

Poodle man has been super snugly lately. I took him to the pet store yesterday and the people there were all talking about how well behaved he is (my mommy chest was bursting with pride). I bought him a couple collar sets (that he didn't need - I could probably house a rescue with his leftovers... Actually ought to donate a ton of his old collars leashes and toys SOON) one of which is this super cute poker set in honor of our friend who is a pro poker player...

Do you obsessively shop for your pet?

I do! Ironically yesterday I had looked at some of the C9 by champion capris at target and decided that they weren't in the budget but 2 hours later spent $4 on the poodles stuff (nothing he needed)

Hello Monday

I found a new blog 

http://www.lisaleonardonline.com/blog/ and she does a weekly feature called hello Monday. I like the idea! And thought I'd join in.. I think mine may be a little space cadety - a couple of reasons here.  

1- still freaking sick (going to see my doc today it's been a month of dizziness) 

2- I'm tired

 3- (and this is the biggest reason) I'm wearing my nieces shirt today and the top is lace and it totally feels like Mosquitos are biting me - this shirt is AWFUL I should just go change but please see number 1 dizzies plus unneeded walking nah! 

 Anyway!!! 

Hello Monday! 

 

Hello taking the poodle to the nursing home. This is seriously the best part of my life - we all know I love him but I wasn't sure I'd love sharing him. Come to find out: I do! I am so proud of the joy he can bring to people who are sad and ill/dying. He is so calm and patient. 

 

Hello Dr appointment although I hate my doc and I'm pretty sure he's going to be pissed I haven't gotten labs taken (really its a 25 minute drive and I've done nothing but sleep lately) 

Hello finally cooling off so the poodle can get outside 

 

Hello to feeling better enough to working out full capacity (may and June were my lowest months in a year) 

Hello gratuitous poodle pic 

 

what are you saying hello to?

A shower gift?

So this weekend was the shower for my nephew and his fiancé. 

They are absolutely 2 of my favorite people on the planet! Actually they're the parents of the "cousin" dog that the poodle and I often go walking with.

So that means I wanted to get them something nice in my (pathetic) budget... On Wednesday I got to looking at the registry and found that they had registered for a dual shower head at bed bath and beyond! This was perfect! It was $50 and I had a 20% off coupon so it came to a wonderful $40 which let me stay in my budget :-) 

So this text with my sister happens:

After much freaking out I called and they let me buy it over the phone AND use my coupon and they held it for pick up! Win!!!!

Well... When you're me just giving a shower for a shower isn't enough! Oh no you must wrap said gift to look like a shower ;-)

I bounced ideas off the hubs and the sister... Hubs was just not in and the sister well she tried REALLY hard to care (it is after all her son getting married) but she lost a good friend Wednesday and so she just didn't have creative wrapping in her but told me it'd be awesome!

Then this happened:

But the sister said it was perfect and promised me nobody would laugh...

After a trip to the dollar store (where I bought a noise maker, an oil drip pan, curling ribbon bows, blue shimmer tissue paper and bubble wrap) I came up with this:

The soon to bes LOVED (and giggled about) the wrapping saying how awesome it was to get a "shower gift" and then when they opened it the bride to be laughed and laughed and said "joy you win! Best most creative gift/wrap ever and this is why I love you"

And so all in all it was a success I'd say :-)

Do you wrap creatively for showers? Or am I alone here?

Did I ever tell you about the time - 4th of July edition

So a few years ago (like 6) the hubs and I decided to go to Boston and see the 4th of July fireworks on the Charles river.

Well here's what happened we kayaked (in our trusty inflatable kayaks) for an hour to the place where we were going to watch the boston pops and the fireworks and were just deciding where to "park" when a was hit (for lack of a better phrase) by a drunk pontoon boat driver. Hubs was on the opposite side of the pontoon and its front hit my shoulder and pushed me (and my kayak) quite a few feet until a nice guy in a canoe grabbed the front of my kayak and pulled me out of the pontoons path. I was a shaky mess. Hubs just laughed and laughed!  (That's because he wasn't hit by a boat) 

We stayed and watched the fireworks with my new bff the canoe owner but I flat out refused to kayak back! We deflated our boats and took a cab back to our car...

I don't think I've kayaked since! I should get in that boat again, in our nice safe lake!

Moral of the story. Don't be in a kayak on the biggest drinking holiday of the year! 

Do you have a fun 4th of July story?

Fate - prompt

So my daily calendar writing prompt a couple of days ago was pretty cool. SO I thought I'd share it with you...

Do I believe in fate?

Well first lets define it.

Per sir google 

fate  

/fāt/

Noun

The development of events outside a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.

Verb

Be destined to happen, turn out, or act in a particular way: "it was fated to end badly".

Synonyms

noun.   destiny - lot - doom - fortune - kismet - portion

verb.   destine - preordain - ordain

Now lets go!

Do I believe in it? Yup. There are so many times in my life that my life has been changed by fate...

I met an ex boyfriend in a cab IN KENTUCKY he was my driver for a 15 minute car ride. I felt so connected to him that I asked him to do the rest of my driving for the week  - he agreed and by the end of the week we had already talked about him moving up... Do I believe that I was meant to meet him? Yup! Does the fact that we didn't work out negate that fate? Nope! John taught me how to love, he also taught me EVERYTHING I didn't want in a partner and prepared the pathway for the hubs to enter my life forever!

(At a race because he loves me and I love racing) 

The poodle - ha! He was fate for sure :-) I wanted an adult, female, white poodle... I went to meet with his breeder to learn about the breed. I told her on the phone "I hate puppies" (and I do) but she invited me down anyway to meet her adult dogs... Welllllllllll we met mr. man and the rest is history! He was an adorable 4 days old when we first met him - we actually met his entire litter but the minute I held him I KNEW he was coming home with me! 9 weeks later he did! A MALE, CHOCOLATE PUPPY! He's my fated pupster

Then:

And now: (doesn't he just get cuter and cuter?)

The little house - ahhhhh my house I love my house! So we had put the old house up for sale and although we had an offer we still had to keep our open house... So the hubs the poodle and I decided to drive to check the progress on my nephew and niece in law's new home (they built) and on the way there we saw an open house sign, we pulled in, walked in (all 3 it was a hella hot day), and both the hubs and I felt immediately at home and the poodle took a deep sigh and laid down. We knew this was meant to be our home. Ironically we were just waiting for the open house at our old house to be finished before we put in an offer on a townhouse (I can't remember now whose first choice it was but it wasn't both of ours - we had a top 3 and if I had them 1,2,3 hubs had them 3,2,1 we ended up picking by polling our friends and letting them pick...) bite FATE had different plans for us and instead of a condo/townhouse we are in a cute little house! 

(Aww look you get hubster and the poodle too - score!)

I probably could go on forever so instead I'll say - do you believe in fate?

How is that possible??

So a while ago I went to see Jillian Michaels. 

I found out we were getting upgraded to VIP seats and I jumped up and down - and promptly fell. Womp womp! I broke my phone...

But I wasn't eligible for an upgrade for 2 more weeks - I figured I'd suffer and survive. Well the two weeks has long come and gone (almost a month ago) but I can't decide what phone to get... Do I get the iPhone 4S because it'll be crazy cheap or the 5 because its the "latest and greatest"

Either way I want this case

Because really, why not have a blinged out brass knuckles esque case right? 

But the moral of this is my current phone is a 32 gig 4 so I went to see how much space I'd need (so I could figure out how much the new phone would cost) and THIS is what I see:

Now really how does one FILL a 32 gig phone? Ohhhh wait it MIGHT have some thing to do with 2461 photos...

Any suggestions on what phone I should get?

I'm sick and the poodle is old

I've now been sick for a week solid, it's getting old!

Speaking of getting old - right before I got this stupid summer cold we had the poodles birthday party! It was cute (smaller than ever before owing to the rain and I uninvited most if the dogs since the party would be IN my house) but still a nice day and I think mr man was happy! 

My niece blew out the candle for him!!!

He is now four years old....

 

The nursing home we volunteer at had a party for him as well... All the cute old people sang! It was great!

Do you celebrate your pets birthday? Or have any home remedies that work for summer sickness???

I baked for a friend and it was good...

Can you believe it? I'm still amazed every time I make something and the recipient says they liked it. I made these:

<a href="http://happyherbivore.com/recipe/the-famous-carrot-cake-cupcakes/" target="_self" title="Best ever says Alicia " style="font-size:16;color:black;font-family:;text-decoration:none;">Happy herbivore carrot cake</a>

I am not sure why my HTML links aren't working anymore (I think blogger hates me) so copy and paste here (trust me its worth the effort

http://happyherbivore.com/recipe/the-famous-carrot-cake-cupcakes/

And they even looked decent

It was Alicia's birthday and I really wanted to do something special for her. She's such a sweet sweet and special soul.

And that is seriously all I've done for days :-( I am sick and my body just isn't up for much. There's been no gym, no running, no walking the poodle (poor baby) nothing but sitting on the couch and being a first class sloth!

So my advice - if a sloth can make these and have everyone say they are the best cupcakes they've ever eaten so can you... Go make them!

What are you up to? Can I live vicariously through you?

Past experience

Since I've been quiet a while (I swear my brain is on super slow motion lately) I thought I'd try some pre thought ideas so I googled "daily blog prompts" and it brought me to the one minute writer - yeah I think that's just my speed!

<B>What kinds of experiences have you had in hospitals, either good or bad?</b> 

well I've certainly had my fair share of hospital experiences some where I've made some great friends - spending weeks with people makes for truly knowing them and you'll either really like each other, or not!

For the most part my hospital (and by hospital i mean either residential or psych ward 8-O) experience has been ok other than the whole lack of control thing I can manage to get through it. The only time I *still* have nightmares about was the first time I had a feeding tube put in. The woman who did it (side note she still scares the crap out of me and every time I see her I lose my legs) was just not kind. But the nurse with her came back later to see if I was okay which was nice.

<a href="http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com" target="_self" title="" style="font-size:16;color:black;font-family:;text-decoration:none;">Prompt found here</a>

Http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com

<b>have you been in the hospital? Tell me about it (its supposed to only take a minute)

On running and such

Last night I ran a race. I know weird huh? A race on a Tuesday night but there it was.

I'm sick and have been for a few days, and I wouldn't have run this race if it wasn't the third in a series and the three races together made up a whole medal (quite cool really but it sucks when you're not feeling good).

Anyway I left the house telling the hubs I didn't know if I was walking or running - either way I didn't feel good but there were benefits to both, I was pretty sure if I walked I wouldn't puke (sorry for the tmi) but it would take me forever and I would just be out there feeling crappy for 3 long miles. 

Well I got there and to make a long story quasi short I decided to run - just to get it over with. I stepped in behind a man who looked like he was in pretty good shape but not a speed demon and figured he'd pace me without even knowing it. And he did! For the first mile and a half ~ then he stopped to walk I was like wtf buddy you're my pacer but I just trudged ahead. I ran without music (I have a headache so noise is bothering my ears) and in sun glasses (light is hurting my eyes) and I just ran. This wasn't a omg I love to run type of run it was a lets get it done run. As I hit 2.6 miles I was passing a nice guy who cheered me on with a go get it girl! Seriously if I wasn't sick I think I'd have turned around and hugged him! I finished the 5k, grabbed my medal and t and walked back to my car (seriously didn't stop for any of the cool post race stuff they had - though I think I'll join this whole series next year) and drove home. At a stop light I stopped to look at my run keeper app to realize that I just had a 70 second pr. Pretty cool huh? Now I wish I had at least enjoyed it!

When was the last time you PR'd? And have you ever had a weeknight race? This was a first for me - it was a makeup race for one that got snowed out in February!

My family

I've never even quite understood the concept of family. I guess it has something to do with blood or whatever. But to me, I have more family than that. I had a bio mom and have a god mom and had a god dad and have a bio dad. They all raised me.

Perhaps my confusion comes from being brought up on a dead end road with all of them living right there. My godparents lived across the street.

I belong to a fitness studio more than a gym. I've belonged to gyms in the past and I liked them but THIS is different. The other day I was in spin and I saw someone walk in through the window and my heart lightened. A part of that is undoubtedly the result of marathon Mondays attack and a part of that is the owners have cultivated a family. As soon as spin was over I walked out and hugged her (anyone that knows me irl knows this is amazing - I hate being touched). She didn't question it and just asked me how I was doing and if I was staying for the next class. I was and we chatted as we did a few more people came in and said hi or waved to us before class began, then it was all business. As class ended a new group came in and I left offering a few hellos and goodbyes as I did.

We are a group of mostly women (though there are a few guys) who genuinely like one another. I have spent time with a lot of them outside of the studio, and have had heart to hearts with so many of them. I've cried over parents lost, bad days and more recently knowing that they were okay. I walk in and relax knowing that I am in a place where I can be the most me that I am. This shocks me since I can't get myself to walk into a grocery store, department store, hairdresser or anything else where people know me. If I go somewhere and see someone I know I will leave whatever I am doing and "run for safety".

They turn a year old this week and I have to say I'm so proud of my little gym! The fitness studio that could :-)

do you love where you workout?

Picture source

I can't talk

About Monday's horrible attack at the marathon
I was there in Boston, not too far from where the explosions happened (though around the bend so I saw nothing, just heard the boom and assumed it was a car backfiring or a tire exploding - sometimes I wonder if I am simple). Yet I fully could not comprehend what was happening. I had to text a friend in another state to ask what was going on. I tweeted that I'd never seen so many police STILL not grasping what was going on (within a minute of the explosion). Then I saw a friends tweet and wondered what was up - I texted her and found out. That text I sent was the last thing that made sense to me. I got in my car (that i had thankfully taken a picture of where i had parked i thought with celebrating our friends finish i would forget - i forgot for a totally different reason) and slowly drove to tremont to pick up some friends who were stuck there because cab and t service was stopped and I brought them home (a 30 minute trip that took almost 5 hours). For the last few days I have walked around in a fog. I found out my friend who ran is okay and another who was cheering was hurt but fine. Accomplishing very little other than I took the poodle to do some therapy on some people who are having a hard time with the aftermath (he makes me proud). I am proud of my city. I am disgusted by the human(s) who did this and I am rendered speechless.
One of the best articles I've read

Well said Stephen Colbert

Photos courtesy of Boston.com

Except the incredibly classy Chicago times pic that's from their site

Finally sunny! Friday fill ins

And...here we go!
Play along Here

1. I use coconut oil to oil pull. Much like many other things that I don't believe should work but totally do (see reiki and acupuncture on that list - I definitely don't understand them but have watched both of them work in my own life) oil pulling works - with no other changes my teeth are less sensitive!
2. Oz the great and powerful is one of my favorite movies. of recent date I was amazed at how interested it kept me and how amazing the color was. I could not stop saying to my sister that the color was like color over saturated but still real
3. It's probably the first real nice day of spring and I am sitting on the front porch writing this while the poodle lays in the grass in front of me! It's lovely
4. I'm ALWAYS saying "well at the time it seemed like a good idea like when I volunteer for something months in advance and then day of I'm having huge panic attacks!
5. I said happy spring to the gentleman who just walked by and then he said it's about time! Is that a labradoodle?I told him no the poodle is just a poodle with a funny hair cut. Like most people that meet him he started patting him and then got down and gave him a good snuggle - the poodle is a born therapy dog.
6. boxing is what I'm craving right now! however my cut knuckles are probably glad that I have a week off
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging with the poodle, tomorrow my plans include my normal classes at the gym and then picking up my race packet and then cleaning a friends house with her and Sunday, I want to I have a race at 9:00 in the town next to where I live so I am sneaking in a 7:00-7:45 spin class and then rushing over to run a 5k, probably will lay low the rest of the day - maybe take the poodle for a walk!

what are your weekend plans?

Egg beaters of my memory

So lets pretend it's still Easter night and I'm writing this and NOT that it's days later - k?

This morning I was making a chocolate cream pie for the hubs for dessert. I had a store bought crust and just needed to make the pudding and throw on some cool whip and call it done. I wasn't in the mood for pulling out my mixer and I figured I'd use a spoon or a whisk. As I poured the pudding into the bowl I remembered something.

In the drawer is a hand mixer - an old fashioned hand mixer. I use it oftenish in the winter when I want to make a hot carob (almond milk, carob powder and stevia - usually orange stevia) but I haven't had one of those in a while so it's been sitting doing nothing for some time now.

Anyway, I grabbed it and started blending the milk and pudding mix (this is not brain surgery clearly) and my mind wandered (probably a good thing it's not brain surgery huh?) back to when my mom got this mixer.

Kenny had just died and his mom had wanted my mom to have something to remember him by and a kitchen tool was just the right thing seeing as he'd been head chef at a pretty well known establishment in Boston.

Let me rewind a bit... I was 17 years old and Kenny and his siblings had been my neighbors. He was the first openly gay person I knew (hello small town ignorance). To my credit I couldn't have cared anymore then than I do now about someone's preference. He was also the first person I knew to have (and ultimately die of) AIDS. The credit stops there. I never went to see him once he was sick. I was scared to talk to his mom for fear... Fear of what I don't know. Unfortunately many of the neighbors felt this way. Not my mom!

She'd go over and visit, for a while it was weekly and then when he got sicker anytime he was up for a visit. I begged "don't go mama, I don't want you to die." She laughed at me and said "It's not tuberculous is and I am not treating him as a leper I've lived that man since I held him as a baby and I'll love him as I hold him on his deathbed" mom made certain "concessions" for my fears. She would shower and wash her clothes as soon as she got home, she told me she wore gloves (knowing my mother and her love of holding hands flesh to flesh and her forehead kisses I am pretty certain she lied to me here). She went to his wake, she went to his funeral, she went to the after "party" that's when she came home with the mixer

I remember being appalled by it! It had his germs on it. NO making anything that would pass my lips with that thing! Nope, no sir! Well as the years passed and I learned more about the world (and myself) I was no longer afraid of his mixer (just as I'd no longer be afraid of him) and as my mom lay dying I'd often cook for something to do. I could be near her but still allow her to rest. More and more I'd pull out "Kenny's mixer" to whip cream for pussy willow pudding or froth milk for a latte. When mom died the mixer just sort of became mine. I remember talking with Kenny's mom about how sorry I was she said it was okay that we'd all had to learn and that's what life was about. I asked her if I could keep the mixer and she gladly said yes. When we moved I threw away many (aka most - have to when you're moving into a house 1/3 the size) things but the mixer made the cut.

The difference between when my mom brought that "instrument of death" home and now? When I'm done making my hot carobs I lick the beaters. I wish that Kenny could be with me; I would have loved to have learned a thing or two from him in the kitchen (hubs probably would appreciate it too since making Easter dinner caused the fire alarm to go off three separate times).

I guess that it takes time to grow up and learn and probably a little bit of bravery to buck the system and not be afraid of everything. I'm proud of my mom for listening to her beliefs and letting love prevail.

Every time I use those beaters I send a prayer to heaven asking Kenny to cook with me and to forgive me my ignorance.

And on Easter Day, Kenny, his mixer and I made a great dessert that hubs and his family loved.

It's Friday I'm awake way too early and that means I'm wordy!

Hello hello hello!
It's 2:30am and I'm awake again -- could someone please explain to my body how absolutely unacceptable that is?

How are you this Good Friday?

Lets play the Friday fill in game shall we?

1. If I could go anywhere on a road trip, I'd go to oooh road trips, I love me some road trips! I would love to go back to Chincoteague Virginia - that's a pretty sweet road trip. I am dying to take the poodle and the hubs to Arcadia national park (none of us have been). My dream vacation involves my two favorite men (the 2 above) and an rv and a coast to coast tour!<\b>
2. well there are LOTS of things but a simple straight answer for that is algebra is something I don't understand. I took it 7 years and never passed - it was so pathetic that my high school let me take algebra and a basic math (think addition and subtraction) my second senior year (yup you read it right) so at least I could graduate when I failed algebra
3. Easter makes me think of these days? Egg hunts and bunny ears (see poodle pic from last year). The hubs does a big hunt for adults (and a couple kids). As a child it reminds me of church and my sister's amazing voice (she used to sing sandy patty's was it a morning like this at church! I lived for it)
4. A hike in Harold Parker state forest with my faithful sidekick frolicking is the best way to relax!
5. It looks like Spring might be making an appearance sometime soon, I saw a cardinal yesterday - though I still haven't seen a robin.
6. green juice. is one of my favorite healthy snacks. ever since I got my juicer i am a juicing machine - try one with romaine, carrots, ginger, a pear and a green apple
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spin and making a flower arrangement for a friend who is going through a tough time, tomorrow my plans include the normal saturday classes at the gym and then making sure baskets are ready and Sunday, I want to hang out with the in laws. I'm making them some beef stew I found on Pinterest - if it's any good I'll share the link. I also have to make an extra batch of cookies and a batch of muffins (they like their baskets to be homemade gifts) on Saturday!

Some other pretty cool (way more than PRETTY cool if you ask me) news that I have is Mr poodle man graduated from Dog B.O.N.E.S. and will be starting work as a therapy dog at new hospitals and nursing homes! I could NOT be more proud if little man!

Also I just learned about A cool concept for shoes with a kick starter campaign

And I think that finishes it for today!

what are you doing for Easter? Do you still get baskets from the bunny?

Good morning it's Friday

It's bright and early Friday morning! The impressive part is that I know it's Friday - I've spent most of the week a day behind.

As most Fridays I'm playing along with Friday fillins and you should too!


1. The wind blew wildly and made me worry that the house was going to fall over (this didn't happen this week but every time it's windy I worry).

2. running with a friend for her first race (there really is something so magical about your first race - totally admit I was teary for her) and a fabulous friend who has been supporting me during a rough few weeks (thanks Laura - the world is better for having you in it) made me feel warm and happy all over.

3. The smell of clear, clean, outdoor pine (similar to song of angels aka the best Yankee candle scent ever) makes me think of the day that I fell in "safety and trust" with the hubs (I loved him when I met him at 9 but this one day he took me up to Franconia notch I think we were 26 and after the gondola ride up the mountain we came to the patch of trees and the view and the scent and everything I just knew that we were meant for each other and he'd never intentionally hurt me). (Oh my gosh I love this one since I am so scent oriented)
4. When I am feeling lazy I nuggle the poodle.
5. Brilliant neon yellow is my favorite color.today - it'll probably change tomorrow I love all the colors
6. The door creaked and a friendcame in.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spin and I need to make my friend (of the race) Pizza lentils , tomorrow my plans include my normal saturday morning classes at the gym and going to see oz with my sister. i also have to start stock piling vases from AC Moore because I'm doing the flowers for a may wedding and ironically it's cheaper to buy the vases there one at a time with the coupon of the week (ps did you know you can google it on your phone and just show it to them) than to buy them wholesale and Sunday, I want to get to the gym and then actually see that man I'm married to! He has plans tonight, he works Saturday morning/afternoon and is then going to see his niece in a play.

What are you up to this weekend?