30 day challenge question 10

"discuss your first love and first kiss"

Love! Love is strange to me and is it REALLY what they're asking for? Or do they mean my first crush?

I'm going with crush! And although I always say it was hubster I am actually not sure if it was him or if it was ...Freddy miller... Freddy was either mentally retarded or down syndrome (pretty sure he was retarded but anyone who'd remember has gone to the big party in the sky) and he was in my mother's class and every day after school I'd go wait for her to finish teaching so she could drive me home! And I fell in "love" with Freddy miller! He brought out the child in me (I was a very sad and introverted 8 or 9 year old) we'd play, we'd laugh and for 25 minutes each day I was the most appropriately named person on the face of the earth!

Freddy didn't just bring this out in me, he brought it out in all the lives he so gently touched! When he got moved to the high school (before me) kids from main stream classes would flock to him! He was... Our angel! When I aged up to high school he was no longer my love but still my dear friend!

As classes graduated many would stop by on college visits to say hello to a favored teacher and probably bring a little toy to Freddy!

I was a junior the year Freddy died (I lost my bff that year too) his funeral was PACKED! But each of us knew that our Freddy knew we loved him and he loved us back! He was as my mom called him love on legs :-)

He was a beautiful soul - and many of my town's girls first "love"!

For my first kiss? I don't even remember so I'm going with it was from some boy not worth remembering and it sucked!!

+++so tell me who was your first crush?+++

30 day challenge question 9

"how do you hope your future will be like"

Can I answer all sunshine puppy dogs and rainbows?

Yeah probably not and no doubt I'd get bored with that anyway!

I'd like a future where I am working towards goals. Where I have a direction (right now I flutter between a ton of things that I want to do with my life), where I am mostly happy but can deal with disappointment. Where I can travel (can't now because of money restraints and fear), where I can trust and love (other than just pupster), and where I'm proud to be me!

How's that for my dreaming answer?

+++what's your wish for the future?+++

30 day challenge question 8

"a moment you felt most satisfied with your life"

There are many moments I've felt satisfied with my life.

Riding my old horse in a parade at the big E and being asked to carry the American flag.

Walking in the woods with pup and seeing him bound back to me.

Finishing the Jimmy fund marathon walk.

The first time I made a pearl necklace with knotted silk.

Each of those moments has made me feel satisfied, as though my life were important... They each give me "warm fuzzies" in a different way...

+++what about you what makes you satisfied with your life and how can you incorporate more of it into your life?+++

30 day challenge question 7

"your zodiac sign and if it fits your personality"

I am a Gemini

They say the twins have 2 very distinct personalities.

For me I'd agree, I'm very black or white... I'm either extremely happy or angry/sad/whatever beyond words. I'm either incredibly flighty (my add kicking in) or so focused that the world could fall down around me. So I think that is how I embody the twins!

A funny story I met a friend for the first time at a horse show - we chatted for about two minutes and he was like "you're a Gemini right?" I was incredibly freaked and agreed he laughed and told me it came from every pore of my being :-)

+++so what about you (cheesy pick up line coming) what's your sign??+++

30 day challenge question 6

"write 30 interesting facts about me"

Well I'm touched that you think that there could be 30 interesting things about me! Here goes nothing...

1. I love the heat and live for it
2. My house burned down when I was 19
3. I was an exchange student to costa rica
4. I don't like vacations (I prefer my own house)
5. I married my first crush
6. I'm obsessed with my dog (they never said they had to be unknown facts)
7. The woman I call my godmom isn't "technically" my godmother (because she already had 7 kids and my mother thought 1 more was a burden - ha! Dumb logic if you ask me)
8. I got kicked out of high school and sent to an alternative school (where I was the only student to have not done time)
9. I've never done an illegal drug
10. 2008 was the worst year of my life
11. My body thinks it's about 100 most days!
12. I prefer my husband's 23 year old car to my 5 year old car and the only benefit to having been so sick lately is he's let me take it over
13. I make lots of jewelry (lots)
14. I've fractured my back TWICE
15. And yet the accident I've had that scared me most was falling off my bike and scoffing my elbow and knee
16. I love going to the post office
17. More than anything I want to sell my house and move with hubs and pup to a cute little house I've named the cardboard box
18. I buy hubs a balloon every month
19. I can't wait to learn about honey bees (hopefully Saturday)
20. I'm afraid of the dark
21. I get insanely proud of myself when I'm doing a new/hard craft and I make whomever I'm with look every few minutes
22. I think acupuncture is a gift from heaven
23. I love my nieces and nephews literally more than life!
24. I like to walk in the woods and around the city! I think you're pretty much invisible both places
25. I ski - I love it and I'm terrified of it!
26. I rarely cry
27. Intolerance makes me crazy!
28. I love massages but hate being touched
29. I don't have a "best" friend (unless you include hubster) but I have great friends!
30. I collect snow globes (but have for so long that now I'm super picky)

+++what are 3 (or 30 if you're brave) interesting facts about you?+++

30 day challenge question 5

"a time you thought about ending your own life"

Wow! What an uncheery topic first thing in the morning!

I guess when I most thought about ending my own life (and when I tried) was when I was 12. You know how those are some of the hardest years of your life?

Well I just didn't deal with them
As well as many people do.
Both of my grandfathers (whom I adored equally and differently) were ill and dying (one died that year the other the next) and the thought of so many changes in my life and living without them was more than I could handle.

Fortunately I failed, and was put (kicking and screaming) into a hospital but it worked for me and I think I'm a little more compassionate for having gone through the experience!

+++have you ever thought of ending your life+++

30 day challenge question 4

"your views on religion"

I am one of 4 daughters - my father was Methodist, my mother was episcopalian until she moved to where we live and there was no episcopal church so she became a congregationalist, my god-mom? She's catholic! And my sisters as they all got married they became their own religions...

Me? I'm nothing! I want to believe there is a higher power so I do! I want to believe there is a heaven so I do! I want to believe there is someone/something to be accountable to at the end of the road (not in a tally sort of way but just in a knowing way) so I do! You know what? I also believe in the Easter bunny and Santa claus... And if that's not your thing I'm okay with it! And if you're super religious and believe that I'm going to hell for not going to church or reading the bible? Well then pray for my soul because we can all use all the help we can get!

And those are my views on religion!

+++what are yours?+++

30 day challenge question 3

"your views on drugs and alcohol"

Well IN THEORY I am pretty liberal about them... I choose not to use them but... As long as people don't abuse them but in my life's experience people do!

So I guess what I am saying is I don't care how you get your pleasure as long as it doesn't impede my pleasure...

+++do you think certain drugs (ie marijuana) should be legalized+++

30 day challenge question 2

"where you'd like to be in 10 years"

Wow! I have a ton of answers to this one!

I'd like to be recovered. I'd like to be living a fairly simple life - seeing friends and some family pretty often. I'd like for pupster to be old manster right by my side! I'm still happily married to hubster! We've been to Italy (my dream vacation)!

I will have a couple of certifications - I am thinking yoga teacher ;-) (of course since my own body can't do it right now that doesn't feel plausible but it will be)

And I'd like to be helping make the world better in some small way... I think it'll be through therapy dogs but maybe by then there will be something else that I feel drawn to do to make it better.... But I'm big on helping others.

+++how do you make the world a better place+++

30 day challenge question 1

"your current relationship"

Well.... Currently (and for the last 8 years) I'm married to hubster. He is laying beside me STILL sleeping, we definitely have opposite sleep and wake schedules (probably why we still like each other HA).

Hubster and I don't have human kids (we have approximately 10,000,000 nieces and nephews for when we need a kid fix!) but we have the cutest pupster - who has been acting a little off lately (even for him) so we are checking it out with the vet and the trainer! Yup I'm the nervous Nellie momma!

We live north of Boston where it appears that spring may actually be coming. We own a home but are talking to a realtor to either downsize a little or move into a townhouse just so we can be mortgage free (mortgages, car loans, etc kind of freak me out)

Well I guess that was a pretty long answer to relationship...

DC - the final frontier (okay the last post)

So I'm behind (what else is new?) but here is the last of the DC posts!

And coming up a wedding and life!
And maybe a series???

Here's a video of all the highlights of DC!

(I'm not sure why the music isn't coming through - I will keep working)

The Orchid Exhibit

source

So a little known fact about me is that I am a florist - it is what I actually went to school for. So when I saw that the orchid exhibit was open at the Smithsonian I knew I had to go.

And honestly, I had expected sights like this...


And yeah even this:
(nope not pregnant - sunburned and tired NOT glowing)

But what I wasn't prepared for was how much I was going to learn about Orchids.

Did you know that the vanilla bean comes from and Orchid Plant



Source
Though vanilla is a well-known scent and baking ingredient, it is not well known that the familiar vanilla pods come from an orchid plant. The vanilla orchid is one of the many orchid plants that are easy to grow indoors. This orchid plant has an interesting history. The pods from this orchid are used for the well-known vanilla flavor and vanilla scent.

Most of the vanilla flavor and scents we are familiar with come from artificial production. True natural vanilla comes from a seedpod from the vanilla orchid. Vanilla planifolia is the species that is grown for commercial vanilla flavor and scent. This orchid will climb like a vine, often up a tree trunk that provides the partial shade it prefers. The vanilla orchid plant’s flowers are large and can be white, greenish yellow, green, or cream in color. Each vanilla orchid bloom opens in the morning and closes in the evening, never to open again. If an orchid flower is not pollinated (from stingless bees, hummingbirds, or by hand), it will be quickly shed.

Though a vanilla plant may be high maintenance outdoors, bringing this orchid plant indoors will make the job of growing a vanilla orchid plant easier. Getting actual vanilla pods from this would prove more difficult. Indoors, the vanilla orchid rarely flowers or produces fruit. One of the main hindrances growing this orchid plant indoors is the lack of high humidity. Considering this orchid plant has the potential to reach a height of 300 feet (in a tropical environment), if you are successful in providing an indoor environment that your vanilla orchid plant will thrive in, this orchid plant may become more than you can handle indoors! With a little care you can grow a vanilla orchid indoors for the foliage. With a lot of care and environment management you can get it to bloom and produce the beautiful orchid blooms and fragrant vanilla pods.

The history of the vanilla orchid dates back to its discovery in Mexico where the Totonaco people first cultivated the plant. The legend is that the blood of two fallen lovers marked the spot where the vine grew and the vanilla scent is aroma of true love and beauty. In the early 1700’s the vanilla orchid plant was introduced to English gardens and grew in popularity. During the 1800’s the vanilla orchid was actually smuggled out of Mexico and Central America. As orchids became popular and rare in the 1900’s, they brought high bids at auctions.

Vanilla is a popular flavor and scent that all started with the discovery of the vanilla orchid centuries ago. Though many foods contain artificial vanilla flavor and your favorite vanilla scented candle may have synthetic vanilla scent added, you can still find real vanilla from the beautiful vanilla orchid plant with a little searching. There is nothing like seeing the familiar brown specs in each delicious spoonful of vanilla ice cream made with real vanilla and eating it in a room with natural vanilla scented candle burning.

Or how it can and has been used in Chinese medicine


Orchid Medicine

Orchids, particularly the species Dendrobium officinale, have been used as medicinal herbs for centuries. New research has discovered many new applications of the different orchid species, and today there are at least 50 orchid species used especially in traditional Chinese medicine formulas.

The use for dried orchids ranges from immune system build-up, to cancer treatment, eye-sight improvement, regaining strength after healing (for healers) and quick recovery after sex.

The parts of the orchids used most frequently are the stems and bulbs, as they are designed to keep the plant alive during dry season, and hence are rich in nutritive substances.

It really is quite amazing to me that these beautiful "decorations" also have so much value in health and healthy living!

Did you enjoy this informative type of blog post? Would you like it if I checked out more museums on occasion and let you know what I learned?

I think I have one more quick DC post and then I am on to THIS week! Not bad only exactly a week late - but hey this has been a pretty stressful week with some difficult personal decisions and some health issues (both I am planning on talking about in upcoming posts) and wakes funerals and a wedding!

Have a great weekend, and really would you like more posts like this or was it a bore?

Relay really

When I signed up for a relay run in DC the hubster gave me one of those ARE YOU NUTS comments...

I told him I wanted to run in DC (easily one of the most beautiful cities in the world and a "hub" of blogging) and I wanted to see all the fun that was going to happen around the national marathon. It also happened that it was the same weekend as the cherry blossom festival and the kite flying festival! I was IN!!!!


Susannah, Carly, Sana, me, Joanna, and Amanda!

So why a relay? Why not train for the half?
Because, why does a person blog? To become a part of a community and I think that a relay offers even more of that sense of community.
And really I only had even read one of the blogs of the ladies I was running with before I signed up with them (I have since added 4 great new blogs to my list - and you should too)


Another reason to sign up for a relay? This shining face will be waiting for you at 7:00 in the cold to wait for the trade off


AND will wait outside IN THE FREEZING COLD while you stay inside (still shivering) making sure you don't miss the trade off


And will take a good picture of you making it LOOk like you actually waited outside and were hardcore


You won't have to run in this crowd alone!


And best of all you get to finish with a friend - and really isn't that what all of life's about - starting as strangers and finishing as friends?



And the ladies were all super sweet and grateful for my insomniac induced crafting (I made them each medal holders - hubster informs me I have to make these for my etsy shop too)


So yup relay! For a REALLY good time!

Let's have fun! Let's run!!

Omg I had SUCH a good time on this run!
There seriously aren't enough words! Let's start with the ladies Who were in the two teams that made up our group (there is a post about all of them with links to their awesome blogs coming up soon) were amazing!
And Sana (above) www.supersana.com who I actually ran with was SO much fun! AND AND AND this was her first race and you all know how I am about firsts (they are so important to me) so it was extra awesomesauce!

Sana and I were the third leg of a 3 leg relay team and both teams had run together so we were waiting together (well as much as me waiting inside shivering and her being an awesome team player/cheerleader and being outside cheering on other runners is waiting together). Sana saw our team mates and we ran to where we were supposed to meet them and we took off!

The crowd was awesome and people were cheering the whole way. There were some great signs (in a photo post to come) but there was one in particular that said "if it were easy I'd do it" and that made me channel my inner Kendra (voiceinrecovery.com - one of the most inspiring people I "know") and I took a moment to write my body a love letter or thank you note for allowing me to drive 9 hours down, stand in the freezing cold, run 3.1 miles (and later walk (according to my mileage tracker) another 15) and feel pretty good (I did have a few spots when I was really dizzy (but I just pretended I was fine - you know fake it till you make it works)). Sana was great to run with, our paces matched and she didn't mind the fact that I was going to take about 1,000,000 pics of her (it was her FIRST RACE PEOPLE) and smiled each time. She didn't complain the I'd stop to take pics of dogs (yup dogs of DC post coming) she'd go on and I'd catch up! It was great!

Sana and I ran into a blog friend of hers (and now mine) mindy and we finished strong with her! We got our medals and found our teams and hung out with them for a little bit before we all headed off in our own directions - but not before declaring we all work well together and we must do this again (plans are in the works??)

Check our Sana'a recap at;
http://www.supersana.com/2011/03/27/run-baby-runnnn/

***have you ever done a relay?***

(off to take the pupster for a romp in the woods he is waiting ohhh so impatiently - imagine toes tapping on my shoulder)

Most. Awkward. Greeting. EVER!

<<<<>>>>side notes: 1: taking a picture of your own hand is weird (or maybe I need to sleep) 2: so many cool things happened in DC that I am going to post several shorter posts over the course of the next few days (including this one from a rest stop on the drive home @ 4:30 in the morning - I probably ought to be taking a nap) 3: I am the most socially awkward person I know - but this takes it even for me! <<<<>>>>

Setting scene about a buzillion bloggers in one small loud room.

Hi, I'm Holly (from the healthyeverythingtarian.com)

Hi, I'm ummm I I'm sorry I just broke my wedding ring

Look of kind shock on her face

I start to blubber (insert foot into mouth)

It's pearls, ummm I'm a pearl girl, ummm it happens umm it's okay. I'm not a diamond person, my father was a jeweler and a drunk and ummm yeah ummm we got diamonds when he was an ass. I have a diamond it was my mother's, she's dead it was in my family for 8 generations and now I wear it. Ohhhh ummm I'm Joy, nice to meet you!
(all spoken at about 1,000,000 miles per hour while staring at my broken pearl ring willing it back together and my mouth to stop talking!)

And she was the most gracious person ever!

This THIS is why I don't get out much. Wouldn't you want to meet me?
Yeah I think I'll go for that nap now seeing as they don't sell alcohol at rest stops!

Ready to run

Sana and I are ready! We've got our cute shirts, fabulous attitudes, and lots of excitement! Can't wait to tell you about it in a bit!

It's twisted

So the other morning (Sunday) I woke up and tried to find some quiet tasks to do as my sister was still sound asleep in the hobby room (what most people call their family rooms) and I didn't want to disturb her. I came up with finishing these glass necklaces - they only needed the silver and copper twisted around them.

Around noon I woke my sister up -she'd gone to bed Friday night, slept through all of Saturday (claiming she had a headache when I tried to wake her a couple times) and was still tired... I decided it was time for an ER trip she grudgingly agreed (if you call it agreeing when her choices are go on your two feet or be carried). Well 9 hours later she was given quite a few tests, tons of pain meds and 3.5 liters of fluids...

Through out this my mind kept leaving my pretty seriously ill sister and SCREAMING at me that I was missing my workout. Yelling that I shouldn't have been making jewelry that morning I should have gone for a run, that I had no right! What's sad is that I wasn't able to be fully there for my sister because I really couldn't get out of myself.

I went to bed stressed and disappointed in my lack of activity (the ER is not really a place to even try to fit in a workout) and for a first time I woke up the next day and had to fit in two days worth of workouts just so I could fit in my own skin. This made (and makes) me so sad. I really thought I was at a point in my "recovery" where exercise was for fun happy Joy and not to "feed" a sick twisted ED...

I'm not sure where I go with this information - just something to ponder...

***have you ever discovered parts of yourself that weren't as you thought?***

***do you exercise for fun?***

Just because you can doesn't mean you should

I have a niece who says that exact phrase to me periodically, usually when I am thinking in a disordered manner. These jeans bring this phrase out more than ANY other thing.

These jeans. They are "my jeans" we all have that thing that is just well us. These are my thing!

The thing about them is they are my "skinny jeans" when I fit into them my ED is happy, when I don't my treatment team is happy (I'm not exactly sure where *I* fit in this equation just yet). I know exactly what weight I need to be to wear them. I know the exact number(s) where they fit/are too small/are too big. They are my ED security blanket, so to say. We jest that my disordered self prays at the alter of the jeans (not too far from the truth).

The other thing about them is they are old (hand me downs from another niece) and wearing thin. I worry about the knees each time I wear them and each and every precious thread every time I wash and dry them I say a little prayer.

Well the other day heather did a post on a wreath she made from recycled fabric (she even mentions old jeans)
http://www.thenheathersaid.com/2011/03/07/get-crafty-fabric-rose-wreath/
And it set off a little spark in my head like "hmmm maybe I ought to make something beautiful for my home from them rather than keep them as a prison for my ED" and the thought has stuck there...
Missy http://missymiller.wordpress.com recently got rid of a pair of triggering pants and I was so impressed and proud of her (okay and I admit slightly jealous of her bravery)
I don't think I could give or even throw away my favorite jeans but can I make something out of them? That'd be kind of cool I think... Will it free me or send me spiraling? I don't know and that's kind of (ok really really) scary!

***so have you ever done anything like this?***
would you?

Opinions please

My scars tell stories

Today as I was taking a bath (the same one where I took that picture of my scar) I looked down at my knee and I saw a soft pink scar. I remember the day it came to me fondly - Laura and I were biking and I had my first bike fall. I cut my knee and it has a matching sibling on my left elbow. I got up and we rode on (albeit a little more slowly). Do you remember that day Laura? It was a great day!

I looked a little further down my leg and saw a long thin white scar - from early on in my shaving days (the reason I mostly wax now) another time I laughed it off tossed a band aid on and went about my day.

If you look over to my right leg you will see an almost identical scar - from a recent hurried shaving expedition (I really shouldn't shave)

On my right arm you will see a few scars from surgeries to fix my muscles (and carpal tunnel) man was that doc HOTT!

On my stomach is scars from my gall bladder removal. My niece stayed and cared so hard! She's an OR tech and picked my team carefully and wasn't happy when I seized.

My upper lip's 42 stitches my senior year left a scar. I learned the Russian army march for this one - a history teacher tried to make it cool

And the one on my chin still makes me laugh, I was 12 and showing off on my kick ass horse while all my friends were still riding pokey ponies. Well I said whoa and she did! Too bad I didn't and skidded across a street ON MY CHIN! okay lesson learned!

And then there is my "other arm" the one where the scars were intentional. These are the scars I hide... Wide bracelets, long sleeves, well placed hand movements. They too have a story - each of them was a time I needed the physical pain to match the emotional turmoil - the problem here is it never does and just adds another layer of turmoil... And the circle continues!

Today is self injury awareness day - perhaps we could all try to be more aware every day?

***do you have any scar story you'd like to share***