50 questions finished!!!!

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you

Hmmm... I think that many of the choices that are being made right now are being made for me - but with my consent and my best interest in mind so it's ok

+++what about you, who's making your decisions right now?+++

50 questions #49

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

No! Nope I don't even remember it today... Vaguely remember that I went for a walk (48 freaking degrees at the end of december? You can bet your sweet booty i went walking!) at some point...But other than that it was a day of nothingness

+++what'd you do yesterday?+++

Friday fill in

Another great fill in from
http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/2011/12/happy-new-year-to-all-of-you-and.html

Happy New Year to all of you!!! And...here we go!

1. Wait, wait I HAVEN'T ACHIEVED MY RESOLUTIONS - THE YEAR CAN'T BE OVER!!!
2. THIS YEAR is a little different WE WILL BE CELEBRATING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A NEW HOME!!!
3. In addition, WE WONT BE SEEING MY SISTER (being catty here but YAY for the no toxicity)
4. STAYING IN AND (me falling asleep early) PLAYING GAMES AND WATCHING THE BALL DROP is the way we do it here!
5. At the end of the year, I like to LOOK FORWARD TO THE NEW AND STOP LIVING IN THE PAST
6. SPRING! AND WALKS IN THR WOODS WITH PUPSTER is one of the things I'm looking forward to in 2012.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to WELL ITS NOT TONIGHT BUT THIS AFTERNOON IM GOING TO TEA WITH PUPSTER AT THE BREEDERS HOME! tomorrow my plans include DROPPING OFF PRESENTS FROM CHRISTMAS 2011 AND 2010 AT MY GODMOTHERS I WILL NOT START ANOTHER YEAR WITHOUT GIVIBG THEM TO HER! and Sunday, I want to GET OUTSIDE, WALK, AND WELCOME A HAPPY HEALTHY 2012!!!

50 questions #48

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

I love memories and people and stuff and I learned I don't love things. I have been trying to express my love lately by spending time and thought for the people I love - hence making most Christmas gifts. I hope they realize it is love!

Mostly, I love these 2 faces!!

+++how do you show your love?+++

50 questions #47

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

ALL THE TIME! I feel like the fact that I can hear myself breathe is a commentary on my being overweight - the hubster reminds me that if I wasn't breathing I'd be dead and so it's okay ;-) sometimes I am certain I drive him crazy!!!

+++does the sound of your own breath distress you? Or am I alone in my craziness?+++

50 questions # 46

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Wait, am *i* included in that nobody? Because if I am I'd live my life completely different - I am my own worst judge and my own harshest critic!

+++are you your own worst judge?+++

50 questions #45

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

Because who likes to make mistakes? Who likes to fail or fall? Nobody!

+++are you able to look at mistakes as learning experiences?+++

50 questions #44

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

Anytime that you can do what you know is right you should, in my opinion. Sometimes though that is much harder a practice than it is a concept.

And although this isn't what they meant today I did what was right by taking pupster out on a walk in the woods because it is what his soul (and mine) needed forgetting that the weather man said it'll snow! We are almost back to the car so I think we dun good!

+++when was the last time you did what you knew was right regardless of the consequence?+++

50 questions # 43

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Ahhh - I am alive but I'm envious of those I see living! Living is going places and enjoying yourself and not being afraid of your own shadow.

+++are you alive or living?+++

50 questions # 42

Hallelujah there's an end in sight!!!

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

Yup! And pretty sure I've reduced it by more than that in the unattainable quest for pretty and thin and in control of... Well I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm supposedly in control of here but that's the goal, right?

+++would you reduce your life for fame, fortune, or beauty?+++

50 questions # 41

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

F no! This question sucks!

50 questions #40

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

I am not sure I understand this question... I think it is asking when I last went into something sorta without knowing... Probably in buying the wee house...

+++what do you think this question means?+++

50 questions #39

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

Most of my days feel like one long never ending day... I don't think of it like groundhog day but more like "the song that never ends"

+++when was the last time you had dejavu?+++

50 questions # 38

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

Oh holy heck! An easy one!!! I'd rather have more work I enjoy doing! Who wouldn't want to do more of what they love?
When I make jewelry, or knit hats, or arrange flowers I'm not working I'm loving life.

When I'm training pupster I am giving back to society! It's good. My dream job = own a dog training business where the dogs were trained with the love and respect they deserve! I haven't given up on this dream yet I just need to figure out how

+++is your job something you're passionate over?+++

50 questions # 37

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

Well since we are living in fantasy land can we assume I have a job I love? Because if I do I'd never quit! I love to feel useful :-) and unless I could volunteer all the time at shelters I'd want my happy job

+++what about you, would you quit?+++

50 questions # 36

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

No! There are things that from the outside that everybody would say are bad (I'm talking to you Ed) but in reality yes the Ed sucks but without it I never would have met my dear friend N. And my mom's cancer yup it sucked and was bad BUT without it I never would have gotten close with my friend Laura, I never would have learned to love biking, I never would have thought to give swimming a chance so was it bad? Yes? No? Hell if I know! I miss my mom EVERY SINGLE DAY but the bible says that God knows the moment you will die the moment you are born, right... So she wouldn't be here any way so at least my life was made a bit brighter by what I've learned. Now as for this broken (but healing hella slowly) foot THAT might be all bad!

+++have you ever looked back at something bad and found the good?+++

(ps the photo??? Equal bad dog)

50 questions #35

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

Because get any group of people together with the same beliefs and sometimes they can't see the forest through the trees. This doesn't only pertain to religions though it is literally any group of passionate people! I fear telling people I'm vegan because so many people have a bad connection to the word and I don't need ANOTHER label of crazy - I can have plenty that I've earned - not from a reputation of a people!

+++is there something about yourself that you don't like "to admit"? Feel free to say it here - no judgement!+++

50 questions # 34

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

Does pupster count? Because he and I have deep heart to hearts, often! No words needed...

+++do you need words to talk?+++

Fun Christmas survey

here is a holiday survey i saw on janetha's blog and wanted to do

http://mealsandmovesblog.com/

Eggnog or hot chocolate?
The new polar egg nog seltzer

Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa gives us small gifts in our stocking he doesn't wrap those!

Colored lights on tree/house or white?
It changes by the year and this year it's white (is it bad I had to look to remember)

Mistletoe yay or nay
I've never had it!


When do you hang your decorations up?
When I decide it's time and then we must do it THAT MOMENT!

What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
My sisters chili was always a favorite back when we went there now we go to the movies and whatever else so no specific anything

Favorite holiday memory as a child?
That my mom got me a cabbage patch kid the year they were the it toy we were poor and I'm not sure what she gave up to get it for me but I loved oriana Edith.
What is on your Christmas wish list?
Ummm a rain barrel, and a bracelet that matches my wedding ring and best of all kisses all day long from pupster

Do you open a gifts on Christmas Eve?
I open pajamas that my mom and now my friend Joey give me! Other than that no - I don't usually open any on Christmas either - not a fan of getting gifts!

How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
This year dollar store ornaments and candy canes (I have not found my Christmas spirit)

Snow? Love it or dread it?
Love walking in it and looking at it but hate shoveling it!

Real tree or fake tree?
Usually fake this year real!

Do you remember your favorite gift?
See up above... Cabbage patch

What’s the most important thing about Christmas for you?
Reminding people how much I love them!

What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Slush puppy

What is your favorite tradition?
Stockings

What tops your tree?
A bulb thing

Do you prefer giving or receiving?
See above I hate receiving!

What is your favorite Christmas song?
Christmas shoes!

Candy canes, yuck or yum?
Yuck

Favorite Christmas movie?
weird, i don’t have one.

What do you leave for Santa?
Nothing
.
Do you have a Christmas morning tradition?
a walk and stockings!!.

Do you prefer to shop on-line or at the mall?
Mostly mall and homemade.

Christmas letter or Christmas card?
Card with a pic

+++answer a couple if you'd like++*

50 questions #33

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

I seriously have nothin left to lose and yet I'm still scared. I'm afraid to fail - yet I'm pretty sure I'm already failing. At pretty much everything - recovery certainly, being the person I want be definitely, helping world no doubt... Yet, here I stand. Afraid, afraid of taking the steps that will get me in the right direction :-/ humph!

+++have you achieved the goals you had hoped to by the time you were the age you are now?+++

50 questions # 32

So tonight hubster and I headed down to Foxwoods and saw the Diana exhibit! I'm not sure I've mentioned on here but I am a HUGE Diana fan! My ring is a replica of her crown. It was as. Amazing as you could ever imagine. She was stunning and caring and just awe inspiring!

She also suffered from bulimia...

On the way home this started a conversation with hubs about famous people with eating disorders... Diana, Oprah, Sharon Osborne, Nadia cominichi and more!!! And I commented that those were some pretty amazing names of outstanding people with eating disorders. And he replied like you! And I melted!!

Source - http://www.edreferral.com/Celebrities_who_died_or_have_Eating_Disorders.htm

32. If not now, then when?

How's about when I'm ready? On my own time and terms and not everyone else's!!

+++are you ready to make changes in your life?+++

Friday fill in

Another fun one courtesy of http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/2011/12/friday-fill-ins_16.html

1. Sleigh bells ring MORE SHRILLY WHEN IT IS COLD OUT - fact

2. It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees INCLUDING THE CUTIE ONE AT MY HOUSE

3. You're a mean one IF ALL THE EXCITEMENT OF A CHILD NEAR CHRISTMAS DOESN'T MELT YOUR HEART

4. Father Christmas IS THAT SANTA CLAUS? CAUSE IF IT IS THEN I WILL TELL U MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS STORY IS CALLED THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF SANTA CLAUS

5. Silent night IS MY ONE OF MY TEO FAVORITE CAROLS

6. All I want for Christmas I ACTUALLY HAD A LIST THIS YEAR HUBSTER IS THRILLER I WANT A RAIN BARREL AN OTTOMAN AND THIS PHONE ADAPTER

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to IM NOT SURE IM LOOKING FORWARD TO BUT I AM HANGING OUT ALONE HUBSTER IS GOING TO A FRIEND OF HIS HOUSE Tomorrow my plans include SEEING SANTA IN THE MORNING AND THE PRINCESS DIANA EXHIBIT IN THE AFTERNOON and Sunday, I want to FINISH WRAPPING

50 questions # 31

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

Passionate and alive huh? If you want honesty the only thing I am passionate about these days is calories and weight... Ridiculous and even I know it!!

And this guy - I'm pretty passionate about him!

+++what's something you are passionate about?+++

50 questions # 30

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

omg - I suck at this I literally do not remember my childhood, I'm pretty much a failure at this! My only childhood memory is getting into a fight with my best friend and making up! Overall though my road was a group of friends turned family so I'd say it was pretty good!

+++what's your best kid memory?+++

50 questions # 28

28. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

Yup, 5 years ago my mom was diagnosed with her cancer. I knew (but was wrong) that it was going to be her last Christmas - I spent that whole December depressed!

I looked at cat scans so proficiently that I was frequently mistaken for a neuro oncologist. I had her scans taped to my fridge with the dates listed - tree what tree? Oh yeah that's right my BFF did put one up... I had nothing todo with it, no doubt I was researching temodar.

Yeah it still matters. Still matters a lot!

+++do you remember something from 5 years ago? Does it still matter to you?+++

(side note - I have a goal to finish these in 2011 so you may see 2 posts a day occasionally I wanna post about some shelters/soup kitchen we've been to, some crappy physical/Ed stuff, and some really cute crafts)

50 questions # 27

27. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

Yes, 2008 the year to hate... My personal trifecta of hell! We would joke about for years before it happened, mom, needles and tiki all dying. 2008 decided to make me live my fear. Might have been better that way then I can just hate 1 year and not 3, right?

+++have you had a year where everything went wrong?+++

These are a few of my favorite things

I got this from heather
http://www.thenheathersaid.com/2011/12/11/christmas-favorites/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thenheathersaid%2FChCT+%28Then+Heather+Said%29
who got it from Nichole http://livefortherun.com/2011/12/09/a-few-of-my-christmas-favorites/

So without further adieu here's some of my Christmas faves

Tradition: Stockings in the morning - all sitting around in pjs opening silly little presents like gum and erasers... Also reading the book is special to me but sadly that's lost a lot since I read it alone now!

Movie: It's a charlie brown Christmas

Hymn: Joy to the World. I don't think this has anything to do with my name! My second is silent night

Reindeer: Comet

Naughty or Nice: Mostly nice

Multi-color lights or clear: This year clear

Smell: I’m loving the smell of our real tree

Seasonal Treat: The carolers at the grocer yesterday were pretty awesome

Christmas Picture: my tree!

Sight: Snow on Christmas

Best gift: my cabbage patch when I was a kid

Worst gift: Money

Special Memory: The year my mom was dying and I wanted (nope I needed) 1 more Christmas and so we had Christmas in July complete with tree, cookies and presents, we read the book and cuddled on the couch - friends and family came to carol with us! One of the best "Christmas weeks" of my life! And surely my best memory!

+++what about you? Share a Christmas memory or 2+++

50 questions # 26

26. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

I think it is... There's all different kinds of truths. Unlike facts, truths can vary by the person living them. MY truth is I am doing the best that I am able to - however were you living my life you might be able to more or maybe not as much...

+++are you living your truest life?+++

Friday fill ins

Another friday another fillin

http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/2011/12/anyone-in-holiday-spirit-im-getting.html?m=1




Anyone in the holiday spirit? I'm getting there. So...here we go!

1. As I neared the E/R on Wednesday I realized that it was the first time in a long time that I'd voluntarily taken care of myself

2. FALLING STAR is what I'm reading right now. It's WORTH WHAT I PAID FOR IT (aka nothing)

3. I didn't start out this way, I EVOLVED!

4. I TRY to tell the truth BUT IN REALITY IT OFTEN BITES ME IN THE ASS BECAUSE PEOPLE USE MY WORDS AGAINST ME

5. The best way to LIVE IS WITHOUT FEAR

6. This is the reason I am WORKING TO BECOME THAT PERSON

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to NOTHING (still sick) tomorrow my plans include ANOTHER CRAFT FAIR (but ive been told to stay off my feet until i see the dr on monday so im not sure i should go) and Sunday, I want to WRAP THE REST OF MY CHRISTMAS GIFTS!!!!

+++what are your weekend plans??+++

50 questions #25

25. What are you most grateful for?

I am most grateful for hubster and pupster who work hard every single day standing beside me whether I am making good decisions or bad ones. They also make me feel safe. And laugh more than ever before!

+++who are you grateful for in your life? Have you told them recently?+++

50 questions # 24

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

In my opinion 100% it is worse to lose touch with one who lives right near you.

When someone moves away there are so many ways to keep a friendship going... Mail, email, phone calls and FaceTime.

But when you "disconnect" it's so hard (especially as adults) to pick back up, you know?

+++have you ever lost a friend and successfully regrown a friendship?+++

Who are you???

In the last few days I've had a couple different "who are you" moments...

1 was when a friend invited me over to help her decorate for Christmas.

Her home was so simply and elegantly decorated (I mean think Martha Stewart here). Now we've been friends for years so I knew it would be but it never ceases to amaze me because she is so not Martha in her day to day life. This got me thinking about my own decor. My Christmas decorations are very cute... Things that make me smile and are inexpensive enough that I can replace them if I needed to (other than the "ornament of the year" for hubster and I). Nothing screams JOY to me! But what does? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it isn't something you can buy. I'm big on tradition - I would be sad if we didn't do stockings, I'd be sad if we didn't do a Christmas photo card, I'd be sad if I didn't get pajamas on Christmas eve, I've been sad the years I've missed Christmas eve service... To me those are Christmas - not the wreaths, or the plastic people out front, or the tree...

-------------------------------------------

Another instance of who am I came when a friend called me after seeing breaking dawn. She called to discuss how Bella looked at a certain point in the movie and I had seen thinness and light and beauty and my friend saw me and my death and said she'd had to leave the theater to compose herself. And although I felt a fleeting guilt I also felt pride that MAYBE I was getting to a weight where going out was okay and people wouldn't "see" me...

And it occurred to me again, who am I? Who is this person who hears her friend cry and thinks "almost there Joy, almost there"?

A thought to ponder!

+++so, how do you decorate?+++

Friday fill in

As always thanks to
http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/2011/12/friday-fill-ins.html



1. One of my favorite things about December GETTING READY FOR CHRISTMAS

2. HUBSTER AND I LOOK FORWARD TO OUR NEW YEARLY ornament(s)!

3. This is what I'm hoping for today/tonight: TO STOP THROWING UP (sorry tmi)

4. WHAT noise? EVEN THE DOG IS AFRAID TO MOVE RIGHT NOW

5. Ooh, a NICE NAPPY SOUNDS GOOD

6. I LOVE BELLS ringing! AND CAROLERS SINGING

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to STAYING HOME! tomorrow my plans include craft fair (if im better) and Sunday, I want to get pup's pic taken!

+++what are your weekend plans?+++

Do you like the wreath I made my god mom?

50 questions # 23

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

This is a question that is all but impossible to answer.

I think what kind of friend you are varies on a person to person, moment to moment basis.

That said, there are absolutely times that I have been the kind of friend I would like to have and there are as many times I have failed at being that type of friend. But, what I need out of a friendship isn't necessarily what my friend needs out of a friendship so...

I guess at the end of the day I do my best which is all we can ask of anybody

+++what are some qualities you offer in a friendship and what are some you want/need to receive?+++

Thanksgiving 2011

I had a great day and really enjoyed a morning with pupster and an afternoon with friends...
Other than stomach issues that stunk it was a day to be thankful for

And seriously, how awesome is my new scrap booking app?
I love the look of scrapbooks but don't have the patience to do it! And now I can take the pics with my phone scrap them and mail to staples to print pages!

+++are you a scrapper?+++

A different time a different place

So last night (as most nights) I woke up in the middle of the night. But this time when I woke up I heard the trickle of rain drops falling off the roof. And it occurred to me that I'm no longer afraid of the rain.

In my old house rain would scare me (deep snow too - that hasn't been tested here yet) I was certain that the roof would leak or cave in. I *think* this came from the house burning down once and seeing the flames come through the roof.

In the new house (how long is it the new house for?) I don't have those associations. For as much as I complain and dislike how much smaller this house is - its a safe haven. There are no bad memories (yet, I'm not foolish enough to believe non will happen) and there are no fears...

So i peacefully listened to the rain and allowed it to lull me back to sleep
It really is a different time and place

+++have you ever moved and had it change your outlook?+++

50 questions # 22

22. Why are you, you?

I am me because I am passionate about people & places. Fiercely loyal!

I can often find the amazing about people or places.

Easily hurt. Quick to write people off (hey adding the bad in here too) and slow to forgive.

I occasionally stutter when I'm nervous (more really I just can't get the word out). In HORRIBLE at meeting people and awkward at walking into a room alone.

I am also me because I struggle each day and haven't given up yet!

+++what's something that makes you you?+++

50 questions # 21

(and yes I am pretty convinced my dog thinks I hate him - he's wrong)
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

Spoken as someone who literally worries about EVERYTHING (I've been known to worry if I'm not worried about something) I'd much rather be a joyful simpleton! I mean when you're simple you don't know you're simple. When you're a genius you know you're worried, and really who wants to carry angst with them wherever they go?

+++what about you? Simpleton or genius?+++

Favorite things

I read blogs for many reasons

To learn
To escape
To think
And some I read because the writer feels like a friend you're sitting in Starbucks with
Thenheathersaid is a combo of all of them!
And this week she has a give away, go check out the giveaway but better check out her whole blog

http://www.thenheathersaid.com/2011/11/11/balance-and-peace/