So why did I start

A second blog. Well when I went to a therapist (a total waste of money in my opinion) The only helpful thing she said was that maybe if I wrote things done I could figure out what the triggers were and that would help me to avoid them. She also said that my my breakdown was grieving over a horse AND we spent most of every session talking about frigging recipes. Anyway why is it when you see a therapist they don't like walk with you? Hmmmm? I think that I would be more willing to see someone if they didn't just have me sit there. Hello I have more nervous energy than anyone I know and sitting for an hour is painful! So right now I am trying to figure out what is causing me stress like this? I am losing weight pretty quickly (between half a pound and a pound a day). working out like fiend and I can't calm myself to save my soul. I have lost 8 and 1/2 pounds since June 30th. I am loving that and don't mind in the least that the sight of food is making me ill. I just want to feel like a pot that is not about to boil over all the time.

Holy shit!

I figured that even my friends don't want to hear all the doubts in my head so this one is for me. I can not breathe at the thought anymore that I am doing a tri. I am freaking the hell out. There isn't a moment that it isn't right there, right below the surface ready to hop up and drown me. I have to SWIM, BIKE, and RUN! ***I am going to fail***
How the hell do I deal with this? What in life have I failed at? Shit nothing that I can think of. I have never quit and never failed (well unless you count algebra BUT I don't because I didn't care to try)

Let's see if I sleep tonight. Last night was a bust and this is looking about the same the only difference is Jim's nephew is spending the night I can't even pace.