50 questions 1 at a time question 10

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

I'd like to say that I feel like this question is about the same as question 2...

This sort of paralyzes me... I really want to do the right things (hello recovery I'm looking at you) but I think that maybe if I did things right the right things would happen. Does that even make sense? (btw I feel like I say that phrase more than anyone I know)

+++ so what about you? Which would you rather do the right things or do things right?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 9

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

Well I am currently sitting here at the laundromat texting hubster letting him know that this is my first and last time doing laundry here!

To what degree have I controlled my own life? Hmmm hard one! I partially believe that everyone controls their lives but at the same time circumstance really determines a lot. I can't control what happens to me - but I can control how I react to it, right?

That's the part I need to work on - reactions...

+++what about you, have you determined your own life?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 8

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

This is another thinking one... I assume that MY lifespan is about 40 years. So what would I do differently? Well I'd like to change what I'm doing currently... But I can't quite figure out how. And for pupster and hubster I wanna live a long time, they're lots of fun

I plan on talking to my treatment team next week to figure out what I need to do. If I only have a few years left I'd be okay with that IF I were living it rather than just surviving it... However if changes can make it a longer happier life I'm all in for that too!

+++what changes can you make to improve your life?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 7

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

Um I'm assuming they mean working here...

I don't work, I want to I just can't right now. So I would guess that that means I am settling.

BUT I am working towards getting my act together enough so that I can work. And that is such a hard thing because I have no clue what I want to and am able to do. I know that it's important to me to feel like I am bettering the world with my work.

I am a trained florist and have taken event planning courses I love dogs. I would like to work with the elderly or sick... So how do I use those skills towards that goal?

+++what about you? Are you doing what you love? And if not how can you get there??+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 6

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Well since I am blogging from my phone as I walk pupster down the trail near our house and my heart is light and airy I am going to say dog walking.

I love sharing my happy place with him and his friends. He loves the woods as much as I do. I'm sure a part of that is because I am happy but I am also certain that a huge part if it is I am happy because he introduced me to the woods. Before pupster I never went in the woods!

If walking pups in the woods would pay the bills... I'd be rich

+++what would make you rich?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 4

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

Well I can tell you I would NOT change raindrops on roses! (or whiskers on kittens for that matter)

But in reality I'd change judgements. I really think that if people didn't judge one another we'd all be happier and healthier!

Everyone is guilty of it - in good ways and bad... You see a sweet looking old lady and you smile and get warm inside - you don't know that she just bonked someone off the head with her cane. You see a cray cray on the street - and you never know they gave their last cigarette to a friend having a bad day.

People are so much more than a cover

+++are you what you appear to be?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 4

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

Well I can tell you I would NOT change raindrops on roses! (or whiskers on kittens for that matter)

But in reality I'd change judgements. I really think that if people didn't judge one another we'd all be happier and healthier!

Everyone is guilty of it - in good ways and bad... You see a sweet looking old lady and you smile and get warm inside - you don't know that she just bonked someone off the head with her cane. You see a cray cray on the street - and you never know they gave their last cigarette to a friend having a bad day.

People are so much more than a cover

+++are you what you appear to be?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 4

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

I would hope that I have dome more than I've said. There are little things I do that I hope help people and at the same time makes my day! The flower above is a daily "gift" if you will to my friend, it is my way of giving her a hug...

However ED wise I talk harder than I do... Which is probably a bad thing!

+++what about you? Will you have said or done more?+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 3

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

This is such a tough question! Because why do we? I guess we do it because in order to live/be a member of society there are certain things you must do!

In recovery there are certain things you must do... Weigh ins - hate them, labs - hate them and stress for days, dig deep in therapy - it's painful but has to be done! But theoretically they are for the greater good. I think in all things IF the things you are doing is for a greater gooder purpose than it makes sense but if it's not than maybe we should follow the lead of the pups above and find a good lake to jump in (even if mom screams no)

+++what's something you like to do and you're not doing it often enough? How can you find time to??+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 2

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
(the photo is my pondering brain)

This one is SO hard for me! I am so afraid of failing but I regret all the things im too scared to try, so isn't that failing by default? But I've written about this before but something about failing defines me and paralyzes me continually... So I think I'm going with failing...

+++what about you? Which is your fear??+++

50 questions 1 at a time question 1

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

Above is my little niece B she's 9. We are pretty much on the same wavelength so I'm gonna guess I'd be 9!

Take the craft that she's doing up above... It was at an ac Moore craft day. I borrowed her because I really wanted to go and make the tie dyed shirts and cards for soldiers (ooh and the duct tape bracelets too).

I also "stole" her when I wanted to see Hannah Montana the movie (on opening day no less) she hated it - I was hooked from opening scene.

As she gets older I worry who is going to be my go to for rides at fairs and goody movies and craft days... Fortunately nephew T is still only 5... And he and I are going to home depot this weekend to make a lunch box! Living the good life here I tell you!

+++so how old are you?+++

50 questions

I've seen this on a few blogs and well at the moment I am taking a break before I destroy the bathroom (I can't seem to put up the mirror)
It originated at
http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/

I'm thinking I'll do one a day just to remember to blog and start doing something other than house fixing

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

22. Why are you, you?

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

25. What are you most grateful for?
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

26. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

27. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

28. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

32. If not now, then when?

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for

Last looks

Leaving home in a sense involves a kind of second birth in which we give birth to ourselves.
Robert Neelly Bellah

A week ago I took this picture - a last look back through the doorway that had always been my home. The day was so hectic and crazy but I managed to remember the few "goodbye" rituals I really wanted to do.

I took this picture as I left

I took a picture of the tree in the front yard that my mom planted the day they moved in there.

I "made" real vanilla from a kit (you simply poor good vodka over these vanilla beans and write the date in the space provided - it's ready in 4-6 months and can continue being refilled for an entire 7 years)

And I sat on the kitchen floor and cried with hubster and pupster while listening to bill harley's moving day http://www.billharley.com/lyrics.asp?SongID=517 (got it on iTunes - you should too)


Car’s full,
Trunks packed -
Stuff on the roof rack.
Mom says
We leave soon.
Last time
In my room.
One last look out my window -
The yard,
the street,
the place I know.
I go, they stay -
It’s moving day.

Here’s where
My bed stood.
Floors made
Of old wood.
Mom left
The light on
Walls marked
With crayon.
The door I slammed when I was mad.
The place I cried when I was sad.
I go, they stay
It’s moving day.

When I grow up, I might come back
To this place again.
If I find some kids live here
I’ll tell them who I am.

“Let’s go,” Dad calls
I guess that’s all
Goodbye house,
Goodbye room
I won’t be back soon
Down the steps,
Out the front door
Now I don’t live here
Anymore.
Part of my heart stays
On moving day

And it's true a big part of me stayed on "we street" on moving day and forever...

I'll be back soon with the updates of the new house - btw he has a name! Gregory, he's Gregory house. And hopefully I'll get more regular and if we are lucky interesting with my posting!

+++are you a ritual person?+++