Longing

To belong...

This is a topic I have never broached before.

I am seriously just dying to belong.

Recently, as I looked through my contacts on my phone I realized how little I belong with these people who are or were "my friends"! They all seem to have moved in other directions - kids and family (and most don't consider pupster a real boy -- silly people), or they are single and doing the dating thing (and even IF hubster were up with that I have to go with the "it takes me hours to get up the courage for doc appointments and therapy" reality of my life), or they are excelling in careers and I am at home working out.

I have a few friends I met in different in-patients and they are probably the people I am closest to. One of them was recently readmitted to the ward where I met her, and we were talking about her phone # and that it was familiar and one of us must have been in that bed before and for some reason this upset the hubster (he felt like we should at least know what rooms we have been in) and just a little bit I felt like a _______ (not sure what the right word is? Misfit? Outsider? What?) in my own marriage. I had to wait until the hurt sting went away and then I said something to him and he apologized fir hurting my feelings, but really should he have? I doubt it.

Where am I going with this? Idk, I guess my question for you is how do you belong? Is it a feeling? Is it a commonality? Is it a choice?

Wild horses couldn't keep me from entering

Carly's http://swimrunom.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/great-blogger-pumpkin-carving-contest/ pumpkin carving contest!

I had the best time carving these rearing horses! I only wish there was a third one... I at my "hey day" had three - we called them my ladies. "off to see the ladies" "the ladies are waiting" "the ladies send their love"...

Then my beloved Cla died of colic, and my Needles got her wings on Easter (she was 13 days shy of 43) and I am left with the imp

So I guess it is appropriate that there are only two horses here they are my rearing ladies from heaven!

Happy Halloween

Savory scones!

Tonight I decided to make hubster a turkey dinner (full disclosure here it's an on-Cor family meal - I don't eat meat I am not doing whatever it is you do to a bird) and in the side I roasted some carrots in a splash of coconut oil (I get the obsessions now) and then I thought to myself "self hubster needs a bread to go with this" and since there wasn't time for the bread machine to do it's magic I figured I would make scones (I thought that sounded prettier than biscuits) and I looked online but I didn't have cheese or baking powder so... I made up my own from a few I found!

2 cups flour
1/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon powdered buttermilk
7 tablespoons of butter
~1/2 cup salsa (I had made it a couple nights ago)
1 egg

Mix flour through salt. Mix in butter (I used a fork most recipes suggested your fingers). Set aside.
In a separate bowl mix buttermilk egg and salsa and pour into butter mixture.
Combine.
Make a round shape and score into however many pieces you want this to be. I made 8. Cook at 400* until golden brown ~ 22 minutes!

Enjoy hubster sure is!

The things that are difficult

Are there things standing in your way from being the person you want to be?

Is it an illness? Mental or physical?

For me it is often a compulsion with numbers... All numbers, I used to count 6s and 9s as a way of relaxing and then it was transferred to calories and the scale.

Now it is most often time. Time on the treadmill, time until hubster gets home, days until I see the doctor (though that ones in dread). Anyway, recently I had my labs drawn and it came back with me having high cholesterol and it triggered every bad behavior I know. I have spent the last 4 (again with the numbers) days fighting through this with the help of pupster - we have gone on countless walks and he hasn't minded one bit my tears on his shoulder. Ironically while in the woods yesterday I got bit by a tick and now have an appointment tomorrow with the doc (you know the person I was most avoiding) to check for Lyme!

But the good part of all this is the sights I have gotten to see... Including these turkeys who were certainly taking their damn sweet time getting out of my way. Heaven knows I wasn't going to hurry them I am still scared of birds after all...