Gathering the tools

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.
- Vincent van Gogh

Yesterday morning I woke up and knew that I needed to paint the railing on the porch quickly because there was an open house at my house from 12-2 and a half (craggily) painted railing doesn't exactly scream buy me! (as a side note I promise someday not so much will be about houses but that is where I'm at these days)

So I grabbed a (1) brush and the can of paint and set to work. The brush I'd grabbed was bristled and worked really well for everywhere other than the tops of the up and down parts and since there are approximately ten million of those I went and found a sponge brush to do that part and was amazed at how much the right tools for the job made it easier (though certainly not less tedious I still hate painting).

And this brought me to thinking about recovery and how I have the right tools I just need to pick them up and start using them. So in my head while I was painting I thought about what tools I needed (really anything to distract me from the tediousness at hand)

A primary care physician who knows my problems

A therapist who listens and empathizes but doesn't let me dole out crap I cants

A psychiatrist who pays attention to what I'm saying (and what I'm not) and stays on top if my meds

A husband who does his best to give me a safe place and if that means holding my head while I puke and pretending that this is normal than that's fine.

A family that loves me enough to know when I need to be alone and when I don't

And friends who keep in touch

And a close friend who keeps me accountable even when I don't want to be, and is willing (and capable) of accepting the "wrath of Joy" when I'm mad at ---.

Those really are all the tools anyone needs to get as better as they are capable of getting.

BUT similarly to yesterday while I was painting I need to gather my tools and use the right tool for the job. I haven't yet, and they're all there waiting - being used here and there but really waiting to come out of the toolbox for the big job... And that's up to me, and that might be the hardest decision I make and will certainly be the hardest fixer up i have in me!

+++do you ever have epiphanies while sound miserable chores (have I mentioned I HATE to paint?)+++

PS - do you like to paint? If you do, when I buy the new house (wherever that might be) would you like to come paint???

Exuberance

Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed.-author unknown


This is a reoccurring theme in my life I think... I start something REALLY excited and gung ho and then the reality of it sets in and I lose interest and well it all sort of peters out...

Recovery keeps being one of those... "I will follow meal plans" "I will not over exercise" "I will go to all my appointments" and when I am telling you these (ultimately lies) I truly believe them to be true. Then reality sets in and well I'm no longer following plans, making appointments or working out in a reasonable manner.

Recently my psych has suggested that I email her when I am wanting to use ed behaviors or si and while I originally (as in Tuesday) thought this was a great idea - I'd purge with words rather than my mouth - when yesterday came and it was time to write the email I instead found myself in a bathroom.

I wondered why... And unfortunately I know why, I'm ashamed of admitting I'm GOING TO do it (whichever it that I might be doing at the time) I am often not sorry for having done it...

Even my shame looses steam quickly! Not exactly sure where I'm going with this or how to change it but it is clearly something I need to work on .... If only I didn't lack the follow through, huh?

+++are you good at follow through? +++

Find it in the woods

A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world. ~Paul Dudley White

I took yesterday off from blogging and from most house related stuff (other than 1 trip to the storage unit and a walmart stop to buy an air mattress for staging a room) because it was pupsters birthday!

I spent the morning walking in the woods with him. That's where he found this itty bitty little turtle! This thing was seriously the size of a quarter - I must admit I kind of wanted to take it home with me...

Then we dropped daddy off at work and I bought him a birthday cake ice cream! And then a little later I bought him a burger from mcdonald's. A little cuddling (ohhh and finding the title 5 - I guess I did do some house stuff) and off we went to get his two year old pictures taken (OMG cute - Delia at picture people in Burlington is amazing) where he had a cupcake for one of the pictures!

Then we had to go pick up daddy at work and we were 1/2 an hour early so we went on another woods walk and THAT is where the post's title comes from...

How is it that I can use food as a way to show love to pupster whom I literally love more than life when if any of the things I bought him were handed to me I would look at them with loathing and all but run away? Where does my double standard come from?

I guess it's something to ponder on my next walk in the woods

+++where do you do your best thinking?+++

Sleep well my friend

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit. ~ Napoleon Hill

Yesterday my ole lady dog finished her journey. She got her reward.

She was a lesson in not quitting! She was a rescue at age 2 with a prolapsed esophagus (which made her breathe funny but didn't hurt her) she was sure to win our hearts so that her fate was sealed for a long life :-) not the "other alternative" for a non-puppy with "special needs"

She spent 17 years as my little friend (and more importantly as my mother's most trusted companion) I slept in my house for the first time without her last night. I'll miss her - but not her lessons, those are staying right here with me.

Good night Chin-E (the non Natasha, right?) God keep you to morning!

Happy birthday to ME!

"Pleas'd to look forward, pleas'd to look behind, And count each birthday with a grateful mind."
-Alexander Pope

Every year on my birthday I like to look at the gifts I have been given over the course of the year and what I want for the next year (my wish)

This past year I was graced with:

Long walks in the woods with the greatest pupster a mom could ask for!

Friends who love me as I am yet won't settle for "good enough" when it comes to my health

A husband who supports me unequivocally

The clarity to agree that I need a psychiatrist as well as a therapist and the ability to find one that my insurance would pay for.

Agreeing to take the meds she prescribed

Twitter and twitter friends who without knowing have gotten me through rocky days!

A vet who loves my clumsy pup almost as much as I do and is careful to take great care of him!

The decision to find my place in this world (ps we looked at a ginormous townhouse (as in 150 sf more than our house) yesterday and liked it a lot and loved the neighbors/hood - it's just overpriced by about $30,000... But it's been empty six months so we will see where that goes)

and some much needed family healing (baby steps there's a long way to go)

FOR THE COMING YEAR I AM WISHING FOR:

Only 1 thing (I want God/karma/the universe to understand how important this is)

My nephew to SAFELY return home from Afghanistan - that is really all I need :-)

+++how do you like to celebrate birthdays?+++

Lazy day quiz

I saw this over on Aeverie's blog (loveveggiesandyoga.com) and decided it was perfect for today!



1. What is your mom’s best friend’s name? She had two best friends, 1 named Marie and the other Jean

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? I have a funny one near my elbow

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? My 1st grade music teacher - mr prada I loved him

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? No, and I'm feeling kinda lame about this

5. What body part do you wash first? Face

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? No, I used to but now I just don't

7. What is the strangest talent you have? I am not that talented I have no idea!

8. Do you have an innie or outie? Innie.

9. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? I can!!! I learned a couple years ago (though I will walk 1/2 a mile to avoid it if possible)

10. What shoe do you put on first? Whichever I grab first

11. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? No.

12. If you had to choose to never wash your bed sheets again or never wash your towel again, which would you rather not wash? Towel. You just washed yourself so at least you're clean

13. What was your childhood nickname? Joy joy the boy toy - I hated it!!!

14. When was the last time you played air guitar? My sister's wedding 11 years ago

15. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Gross, no! And how does one do that?

16. How do you eat your cookie? I bite into it - but I'm not a cookie person

17. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? No, I'm not that hardcore.

18. Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others. I prefer to not eat in front of others!

19. How often do you clean your ears? Multiple times a day!

20. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Fold

21. Do you have any strange phobias? Birds!

Apparently there’s no #22.

23. Do you freak out when you feel a sneeze coming on when you’re driving? No.

Painting AGAIN

"do unto others as you'd have done to you"
(pretty sure it's the bible)

Today is a clear and beautiful day if you can believe it! And I am painting the porch. The realtor told me it wasn't necessary

On maps and such

If you don't know where you are going any road will get you there - Lewis Carroll

Last night the hubs had a performance about 2 hours from home, pupster and I decided to join him :-) I stayed and listened through the first 3/4 of his show but then decided the field across the street was calling my name and I NEEDED a walk. Pups and I walked and jogged around the field until it got dark.

It was great! I got tons of thinking done and the conclusion that I came to was a little bit like this - I don't think I'm as upset about leaving this house as I thought I was I think I'm more upset about not knowing where I'm going... You know?

But the quote above is true whatever road I take will lead me to where I need to be. I don't need a gps for this journey!

A fun story - I have a (soon to be 18 year old) niece and when she was three she drew me this picture on a piece of cardboard and the center was a house and after that was tons of what I assumed were scribbles... Turns out they were roads and this was her map and when she gave it to me I asked her where the map was going to take me. Her 3 year old reply? "if you follow it long enough it will take you anywhere you want to go" she's right so I'm gonna follow my map and see where we stop -- and come to think of it, I think when we do stop I'll frame and hang that map!

+++are you happy where you physically are? If not have you considered moving?+++

Zzzzzzzz

"To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep."

It's funny when you think about it... When you are most excited or closest to achieving your dream, you can't give your body the rest it needs to accomplish it. We have been working so hard at getting ready for the house to go on the market we literally work every spare moment and fall dead into our bed (or couches) at the end if the night.

And that's when I can't sleep! Sometimes because I'm thinking about our next place "where will it be" "is it a townhouse or a single family?" and sometimes it's "what if I miss my home?" and then I spend the night tossing and turning only to "wake up" exhausted and less able to work.

I feel like it's the same with recovery - when you REALLY want it and you can't achieve it that day the next is a little harder... How do you "force it"?

+++what's your dream and what steps are you taking to make it happen?+++

Making cents

"a penny saved is a penny earned"

So not too long ago in a comment section Missy ( http://missymiller.wordpress.com/ ) asked me how I was saving money while we were struggling to save $ to sell the house (and I have to say I can NOT believe how expensive it is to sell a house "right") I have to start off by saying I am not an expert in anything financial so take this as my story not as advice!

So anyway this is what we are doing:

-only buying what is needed and it's amazing how in your 30s there is very little you NEED. we've amassed enough stuff that we don't need new clothes, accessories, household items (again except for what the designer tells me to buy).

-date nights have become stay in nights (and for the most part have become sort and donate/pack/throw away nights) other than the other night which was a food court $5 night and a $3 massage chair. (and we all know how that ended - stolen wallet)

-if you have an item that you always buy (for me it's almond milk) use coupons when you can (and be sure to check on eBay - I recently got a pack of 20 .55 blue diamond almond milk coupons for a dollar and since it is something I will buy it was worth $1 to me) and stock up if it's storable when on sale (ie the almond milk again - on sale $3 a 1/2 gallon and then used the coupon - bought 4 because that is how many I'll use before they expire)

-remember that gas is expensive so try to do all your errands at once and plot out the best route.

-get rid of "stuff" I once read that clutter costs you money and I believe that because it's hard to find things in a cluttered home and life. and remember 1 mans trash is another mans treasure so try selling it on eBay or craigslist or a yardsale before you donate (and when you donate get a tax receipt!!)

-pay your bills on time (late fees are expensive)

-stop or pause extras. This is the hardest for us but it is saving us $. We brought our fios down to the basics and only have it on 1 TV (it's amazing how much you can find on hulu) I cancelled my gym membership (and am using my trainer at home and walking in the woods A LOT (well not currently but that's a post for another day))

-insure your pet! I spend $12.63 a month on pupsters insurance Monday's bill? $700! I had to pay it but will submit it to insurance and should get at least a chunk of it back (they always deny part - but resubmit usually it gets you more) in a couple months time!

And a final 1 that I have always done:

-utilize the library there is so much there. Books, movies, museum passes!

+++how do you save money?+++

On learning what's important

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I woke up yesterday feeling very muchly like a failure... A very early in the morning thought was "what kind of moron does not keep her wallet (which is really a wristlet) on her wrist while trying on shoes?" and decided I was going to turn my day and attitude around! Mondays are a therapy day (Thursday's and Fridays too) so I had that going for me.

Spent the morning working on the house and then went off to therapy and decided pupster and I were going for a hike in the rain when I got back... I could take a break from cleaning we both needed it. Well, when I got back pup didn't greet me and that's when the day changed!

Pup (it appears) fell down the stairs (probably tripped on the box of books I left at the top because I can't carry it) and could not move.

I carried him out to the car and drove him crying to the er vet... X-rays came back he tore a tendon and some muscle in his right hind leg. He got some ivs and some pain killers and some separate anti inflammatories and needs to be on rest for a week! But he'll be fine - and that's all I needed to hear! and I think drugged pupster is awfully cute!

Yesterday he taught me that losing a wallet = inconvenience. Keeping a friend = priceless. Thanks for the lesson pupster!!! (next time maybe a couple kisses instead of scaring me to death, mmmmkay?)

I'm hoping today is boring and tomorrow's blog will be fun! Missy from beautiful struggle (aka one of my favorite recovery bloggers) asked what I was doing to save $ these days and I actually wanted to chat about that!

+++what is something you're grateful for?+++

Lost!

"events control me; I can not control events" - Abraham Lincoln

Last night hubster and I needed to get out of the house. We were both simply exhausted from so much work and at the same time with how much work we have to do! So we took a "date night" we went to the mall. Hubs got some taco bell (his all time favorite) and I got a yummy lemonade. Then at this mall they have recliner chairs that give massages that are pretty decent so hubs tossed in $3 for 18 minutes and I became a mall walker (I totally admit I am one of "those people" during the winter).

We were having a nice night out and decided to give ourselves another 30 minutes or so by stopping by the Christmas tree shop up the street - we were there less than 25 minutes when I realized I lost my wallet (above) which I carry on a chain with my keys attached.

If you follow me on twitter you know that it also had all the $ we had made the day before at the yardsale plus all of my "monthly money" and hubster's money as well (so a total of ~$240), I knew the only place it could be is near the "wish they were Tory burch" sandals so we ran back and it wasn't there - hubs, store clerks and I all looked for about 30 minutes (while my nephew came up with more keys for us) until the store closed. I left my # and cancelled my credit cards and am trying to be optimistic but in reality I know it's gone!
And I KNOW that $240 isn't the end of the world (but these days it's more than we can afford to lose - way way more). I've cried (more than) a few tears and it'll be okay. Hopefully this won't delay stuff for the house and the sooner we get this listed and sold the sooner $240 will be disappointing but not devastating.

So I think today I will respectfully disagree with Mr Lincoln - events don't control us how we accept them does!

+++have you ever lost your wallet? Was it returned?+++

Do actions speak louder than words

"Act in such a manner as to create no bad feeling" - Abraham Lincoln

First of all, how perfect is the picture of pupster with his version of the stove top pipe hat when speaking of Lincoln?

Yesterday we had a yard sale to purge (that word always brings ED thoughts to me does it to you?) our house of things that don't mean enough to us to move... Whether we buy a 700 sf bungalow (which we saw one and loved) or a 2000 sf townhouse (which we are going to look at Tuesday) hubster and I are only bringing things that we: love, are useful, are pretty to look at, and/or have a positive emotional attachment.

Anyway back to actions... My in laws were kind enough to come over and help me for the day as hubster was working. And over the course of the day my father in law made several comments that hurt my feelings. Things like townhouses are for lazy people, that little bungalow would never be enough and neither of you is handy enough to make it bigger, and while I was showing him what we had done he mentioned that we had too much junk still and we sure had a lot left to do.

And at the end of the day although he had come over to help and his actions were kind his words stung, and a day later I'm still sitting on them. Hubs and I talked about it and are on the same page - we are doing what is right for our little family unit and that is all we need to do. And as for my father in law, well our choices may well not be his BUT many of his are not ours (ie we don't want to live in an urban area). And when he comes to our new home (wherever and whenever that might be) he will be welcomed with open arms, hearts, and a hot cup of coffee and I'm pretty sure he'll forget he ever wasn't all for the move!

+++are you a person who lets words hurt you even when you know the person would never mean to hurt you?+++

(I unfortunately am and I often have to pull myself back and say so and so would never hurt you on purpose so think it through)

30 day challenge question 30

"your highs and lows for the last month"

HIGH -
Time in the woods with the pupster is always a high!
Talking to hubster about where I'm at and how we can work together in the house transitioning!
finding out that someone I care very much about is doing well!
Some fun crafts I designed and made.
Donating a bunch of jewelry to homeless women ( they were so excited )
Falling in love with a new home and having it sell before we can do anything
Falling in love with a second place and having it happen again

LOW -
Hubster's job being an ass (as always)
Pupster hurting himself
Body image
Fear of people
The stress of selling a house (it's expensive so we are even poorer now)
Painting!

+++so what's your high and low for the month?+++

~~~~~also I have to say I enjoyed this daily challenge a lot. I liked that it gave me something to think about and got me going right away in the morning :-) I couldn't find a book of questions but I did find a great book of thoughts (and there's 365) so I am thinking I will share one of those with you each day and give you a little of how I feel about it or how it fits in my life and then ask you all a question, what do you think?

30 day challenge question 29

"goals for the next 30 days"

**sorry that blogger was down yesterday and my post wouldn't go through until today

I have lots of 30 day goals...
Mainly due to the house going on the market next week and my birthday the week after!

My main goal is to stay sane! I can't really pick now as a go loopy time I need my whits about me as I deal with selling and buying a house!

Another is to continue reconnecting with family members so that when I do move it won't break the shaky foundation we are creating!

Add more healthy ways to care for myself into my life - my hair above is a perfect example... I spent a little extra and got all natural hair color from whole foods. It took longer to do but I feel good knowing I was being good to me.

Work on a very stalled recovery and reach out as I need it! People aren't mind readers and shouldn't have to be! I have a voice :-)

Support my friends - this is self explanatory

Rid my life of things and people which aren't right for me!

Take time every single day to walk the pupster rather than relying on the dog pen.

Wake up every morning and thank hubster and pupster for sharing 1 more day with me.

+++what is a goal you have for the next month?+++

30 day challenge question 28

"something you miss"

I am going with someone I miss... My mom! I miss her everyday... In a "mom oughta see this" sort of way!

I think she would have loved operation beautiful! Operationbeautiful.com

The premise is pretty much everything she believed in...

I woke up this morning and it occurred to me that when we sell this house and move for the FIRST time in my life I will live in a house I didn't share with my mom! And all of a sudden I'm not quite as interested in moving... I know that it's silly and it's life but I'm gonna pout about it!

Meanwhile though I am looking forward to finding a place that pupster and I can make all our own!

+++so what's something/someone you miss?+++

30 day challenge question 27

"a problem you have had"

I'm thinking that by the end of this they had run out of SENSIBLE topics...

Anyone who has lived past the age of 5 has had a buzillion problems...

Anyways (said in the voice of Ellen) I'm going to go with body image since that is one I am really struggling with these days. It seems I wake up every morning and before I even open my eyes the negative talk starts... And it can be triggered by anything - the position I am sleeping in or (heaven forbid) if I'm not cold...

I actually was planning on blogging about this later today anyway but since it ties in here I'll ask now... Has anyone ever intentionally taken a step back in recovery? I am considering it because I am wondering if going back will actually let me step forward more strongly... I feel like I am "fake getting better" here and it's not a feel I relish so I am considering stepping back to better step forward... I know this is rather vague but it's intentional so I don't trigger any of my recovery friends...

+++what's your take on my solution to my current "problem"?+++

30 day challenge question 26

"what kind of person attracts you"

Well since we've already been over physical attributes I am going to assume they mean characteristics...

For me a person is gently honest. Kindly accepting. Fiercely loyal. Unendingly patient. Quietly strong. Proudly quirky. And maybe just maybe (okay definitely) a animal lover!

Those are qualities I admire! And I am so blessed to have many of those people in my life...

And actually yesterday I heard about one of the people I admire... She is currently succeeding in drug/alcohol recovery! To me... That is better than the "piece of paper" I talked about a few posts back! She is making a life for herself and I hope at some point she can let me into it!!

+++so tell which of these qualities do you own?+++

30 day challenge question 25

"somebody you admire and why"

First of all - how cool is it to have somebody look up to you like that baby looks up to that momma?

I admire so many people! Rather than name a person (cop out alert) I'm going to name a quality...

(or two)

I 100% admire people who have confidence in their bodies/minds/beliefs! ESP when they aren't perfect! However, there is a HUGE difference between being confident and cocky... I like quiet confidence - not someone who has to say "look at me I'm awesome"

I also admire people who fight for what they believe in... Advocates for a cause. Whether a celebrity or a soldier or a civilian putting your "money (life, reputation, whatever) where your mouth is" is an astonishing trait - one I can get behind!

Today, I am painting AKA my least favorite task on the face of this earth! Ohhh yeah and we still have 3 1/2 more rooms to go before next Sunday (not to mention the porches)

+++so what is a quality you admire in someone AND what's a quality you admire in YOURSELF?+++

30 day challenge question 24

"favorite movie and why"

Is this a real question?
Who has a single favorite movie...

I recently saw (and loved) water for elephants... I've literally been telling everybody I know to go see that movie! It is one of the few movies that's almost as good as the book!

Eat pray love was another really good book to movie adaptation (and it totally doesn't hurt that my girl crush Julia Roberts was in it)

This is it is another I can watch over and over - I love listening to all the dancers be so excited! People having their dreams come true makes me happy!

I really loved burlesque too and can't wait for it to come out so I can buy it on iTunes

And my childhood favorite was all ET all the time (I saw it 12 times in the theater)

+++what's a movie you've watched recently and liked??+++

30 day challenge question 23

"5 famous male guys I find attractive"

Okay before I even start can we just all agree I have odd taste in men? Ie they are all very different! If you're wondering what my "it" thing is - it's eyes and all of them have awesome ones!

Michael Anderson (a Boston storyteller)
+his eyes tell even more stories than he does. And he's so smart and you can read that in there too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMijTX60r5w&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Josh freaking Beckett
(hello hottie pitcher)
+he had the most intense eyes on a man and I swoon each time I see him get ready to pitch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9do3AZlnlw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Teddy bruschi
Best! Ever! New England patriot! (my blog do NOT disagree with me)
+his eyes are just pure love! I want to snuggle him!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgmGca0Gkh4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Will Smith
Omg he is literally one of the founding members of my 5 list! Everybody knows him, everybody loves him!
+his eyes are kind and funny and sweet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTpnqZXW5bE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

And lastly...

Chris medina!
American idols loss and america's sweetheart!
+his eyes, his pores, his everything shoots out the compassion in him!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQIR2VeobGE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I KNOW this is a lot if minutes of links but really they're all worth it!

+++so what's your "it" thing in a SO+++

30 day challenge question 22

"how have you changed in the last 2 years"

The last few years have been my hardest but I would say that in the last maybe 6 months I have changed a lot.

I have gone from making recovery a goal to a destination... What's the difference there you ask? Well I feel like goals can easily be changed whereas my destination can't! It's not a matter of if I'll recover but WHEN! and that's a pretty big change :-)
Next is that I have really started to fully trust hubster (a man who holds your hair while your sick to your stomach and tells you you're beautiful at the same time is pretty amazing) and well there's pupster who brings out the child in me and helps me find reasons to live daily!!! And he brought me to the woods where I've found my piece of sanity!

+++what's been a recent change you're proud of+++

30 day challenge question 21

"one of your favorite shows"

Oooh this is easy since I don't watch much tv and I love this show!

House!

I am in love with house the show, House the character, and Hugh Laurie

The reason I love the show is it's never the surface reason that is the problem and I feel like that is so real... How many times in your life have you been like "I'm depressed" and had the ONLY problem be the depression? It never is you always have to dig deeper - get to the uncomfortable stuff to find out what's really going on (wow totally written like someone who has been in therapy for ummm ever). And I like that house has to dig through it all to get to the answer too! I also have to admit that Hugh Laurie is definitely on my 5 list sooooo the eye candy doesn't hurt. IN. THE. LEAST.

+++So what is your favorite show? And why???+++

30 day challenge question 20

"how important is education"

Honestly I am rather obsessed with education - that "piece of paper" is the most important thing to me. A friend of mine and I a while ago had a conversation that was about what's important an I was ALL about the education (she has her masters in nursing and the most I have is a certificate in floristry) and she was all about family (I'm married she's not) and we are each slightly jealous of one another!

I have other friends (I talk about degrees a lot) who tell me my life experience is invaluable - I want the paper!

And lastly my nieces... I tell each and every one of them to go to college get a degree "you don't want to end up like me" and HA one of them agreed but only in fear of being... Vegan!

+++so tell me (let me live vicariously through you) about your degree+++

30 day challenge question 19

"disrespecting your parents"

Hmmm this ones hard! I don't think you should disrespect your parents of course! But that said they shouldn't disrespect you either. Technically my bio father isn't dead but when people ask me about my parents I reply that they're gone. And will elaborate about my mother if need be. The difference is... My mother was a living warm respectful human. Bio father an ass... She deserves my respect and gets it. He does not and will not! being a sperm donor and a thorn in my side does not get you my respect!

+++do you respect your parents?+++

30 day challenge question 18

I need to take a moment before anything else to ask you to send a prayer, wish, good thought, or whatever it is you do. Yesterday Osama bin laden was killed (yay) HOWEVER my nephew is over in Afghanistan and they are predicting some groups over there will be angry (no doubt) and there will be a lot of unrest! Can you please send out into the universe that no more blood be shed but specially my nephew make it home safe and sound, his tour is almost over (July 4th) and he has 2 young boys waiting for their daddy to come home!

"your beliefs"

I believe what you put into this world you get out! If you put your best self out into the universe you will get other people's best selves back. If you are cruel and uncaring that too will come back to you!!

+++give me an example of a time you extended your best self+++

30 day challenge question 17

"your highs and lows of the past year"

Hmmph I just got a low as I went to type this but who knows maybe it'll end up being the highest high!

The house hubster and I had our heart set on sold yesterday :-(

So let's start with the lows and that way we can end on a good note, shall we?

My health hasn't been great
My recovery slipped big time (I am still refusing to call this a relapse!)
Money has all but killed us
We got SLAMMED with taxes
Hubs job cut his hours and pay
We've had more stress than we can handle!

The good!!!!!!!!
We are closer as a team than we have ever been!
Pupster continues to make our days happy and our family complete
I have (in limited fashion) reconnected with my sisters
We have decided to sell our house and buy ourselves something more affordable
And really at the end of the day we are surrounded by live and what more could we want!

Can you all cross your fingers that our current home sells and we find something perfect fast? I'm ready to move on!

+++what have you had that started as a low and ended as a high?+++