Saturday, April 24, 2010

Sometimes it hurts

This is a post that has been rambling around in my head for a few days

The last couple of days have shown me a bit of pain - both emotionally and physically

Lets start with the emotional because that one hurt me more - recently a few of my friends were having an exhibition and I really wanted to go. I worked myself up for it for days... I got into Boston a couple hours early, got myself a cup of chamomile tea (which of course I just found out I am allergic to - are you kidding me??) and relaxed, I was going! And then the ED started and the doubt creeped in it started with "look at you! You can't go, people will see how far you have let yourself go" and went down from there - I should have ignored it, but I thought maybe a new shirt would help so I ran to the store and tried some on. But! The mirrors I forgot about the mirrors. And then the call of shame "L I can't make it, I thought I could but I just can't - have fun tonight and good luck" and I walked the 3 miles back to my car knowing I had been beaten and it hurt.

As for physical that is the part that I swear people don't understand I wake up in the middle of the night EVERY! SINGLE! NIGHT! in pain because my body hurts - foot cramps from potassium being off, back aches, stomach pains. But this week my osteo kicked me and my ankles are so sore that it hurts to walk, I am hoping I didn't reinjure my stress fractures but it feels like I did. I don't remember doing anything that should have though.

AN, BN, ED - they all suck, how do I get MY life back - you know like the one where I don't have to "check in" to see if I can do something?

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