Don't worry I will save you

"the strong must protect the sweet" - Dan castellanetta

ahhh pupster my constant companion. I could not ask for a better friend.

The other day I was mowing the lawn (a chore I go into each time with annoyance - why why why does the darn grass grow back?) and pupster was of course outside with me.

I started the mower and pupster sensing my unhappiness started attacking a running lawn mower. his every motion "I will protect you mommy I will". I took this crazy picture as I shooed him away (to keep him from getting hurt).
It occurred to me though this isn't the first time he has "risked it all" for me.

If we are outside after dark (something I'm afraid of) he has growled at men approaching when I stiffen

If I am particular ly sick in the night he will howl scream or whatever else to get hubster up.

And probably most impressively he simply doesn't allow for purging. If I try he sits at the bathroom door and gives the most pathetic whine/howl... And well it's working. I can proudly say I've gone from 5 to 6 times a day to ONCE IN THE LAST MONTH!!! He is pretty amazing this poodle of mine!

+++so tell me who protects you?+++

Possibilities

"stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibility"

Lately I haven't been blogging because I was bit by the good enough bug... There are a number of reasons or excuses why I wasn't good enough to blog. At the end of the day they're irrelevant I blog because it is my out. I blog so that someday I can write "I'm recovered" and someone else can see all the shitty times were worth it (this will happen, right?)

So pretty much what's been up in my life:
House crap 24/7 and although I say it isn't bothering me my body's all over pain probably proves that theory wrong.

I got a droid to replace my dying iPhone and hate it (sorry droid lovers)

My feelings have been hurt from pretty much every angle (probably means it's me)

When I've felt well enough I've taken pupster on some amazing walks!

Hubster made me laugh so hard it hurt when he told pupster "it's a good thing you're a poodle, we need a smart dog since we treat you like you're human" I replied for pupster "what do you mean treat me like I AM HUMAN"

And the MOST EXCITING news is my nephew is home from his deployment in Afghanistan (yesterday)

+++how do you talk yourself out of the doldrums?+++

Thick skin and gorgeous nails

"You can't let other people tell you who you are. You have to decide that for yourself."

Today I got a manicure/pedicure combo (the gift certificate was a b'day gift from a friend) and while the lady was giving me a pedicure she commented that I had thick skin. I giggled (I'm assuming she meant the calluses) and said it's because I'm a runner.

The lady in the chair next to mine decided that a comment was okay and made a "twig" comment (there are seriously not enough words in the English language to explain how much I hate ANY body comments) but today I let it go and texted a friend about something totally separate

Then the manicurist commented on my "odd color combo choice" btw I love teal and red together and the names fit in my life right now "suzi says feng shui" and pinpricks (I'm going to acupuncture tonight) but I laughed and was like whatever

recently I have gotten a couple other comments that I thought wow I am doing so well!

"you look better" (okay still heard fat but I didn't cry then - I waited)

"you know that's the family home you're selling how can you do this?"

"your new house is too small, with no land and an ugly color what were you thinking?"

And I talked about these in therapy and was all like aren't I awesome they don't bother me... My therapist pointed out if they aren't bothering you why are you still talking about them? And you know therapist was right! I am hurt and sad and maybe my skin isn't as thick as I'm portraying... I'm not sure how I'll get there but I will! And I will have FABULOUS nails to boot!

+++is there really anybody who doesn't care what other people think? Who aren't stung by comments?+++

Really I wanna know! And then I want them to tell me how to get there!!

My day in numbers (no triggers)

If equations are trains threading the landscape of numbers, then no train stops at pi. ~Richard Preston

So I have to start this off with I am so mathematically stupid that I don't even know what that quote means but (as you'll see below) I took the train!

On Tuesday I was harried and so I just started breaking things down to the minutiae so I would survive it! Here's that day in #s (and times)

24 - hours in the day
9:00 - time we agreed we would accept offers on our house
9:15 - time I looked at email and found an offer
0 - amount below asking the offer was
45 - the number of days before they want to close
1 - the amount of psychiatry appointments I had already made for that day
2 - the number of psychiatrist appointments I ended up going to
0 - the amount of cars I had available to me (see brake fail of last week)
1 - # of husbands who drove me to the train
About 50 - # of phone calls made!
1 - # of realtors who picked me up at the hospital
1 - # of same realtors who drove me back to the train
3 - vials of blood taken
2 - times I talked to myself OUT LOUD while walking down the street
1 - # of houses I put an offer in on.
1638373 - number of times I jumped up and down when it was accepted!
2 - # of times I went into Boston to the hospital for stuff I deemed could wait and Drs deemed could not!
More than 1,000,000 - poodle kisses I got
1 - sisters who left work to do one more check with me!
A billion - times I lost my mind
0 - times I found it
3 or 4 - times I used behaviors
13 - amount of games I had going on words with friends
15 - # of times I had to sign my name/initial here
1 - # of iPhone batteries that conked out so I couldn't call for a ride home
9 - miles walked to and from the train station!
10.50 - dollars spent on trains
7.40 - dollars spent on the T
1 - friends who helped me decide what to offer
1 - husbands who were at work and couldn't answer
Unmeasurable - amount of frustration at said husband's work!
Also unmeasurable? The excitement of starting a home with pupster and hubster in our LITTLE paradise!

+++have you ever bought or sold a house?+++